I was in my warm, cozy bed. It was so chilly and I very much wanted to just go back to sleep. After all, it was 2:45 a.m.! This happens to me a whole lot these days, but this time it wasn't because of a terrible dream in which I'm drowning or being catapulted into the air unable to breathe. Nope. I was just suddenly awake - 2:45 a.m. and I'm wide awake! If you know me well, you know what I did next. . . .
Knowing I was more than likely going to be unable to go back to sleep, I started going over my "to do" list in my head. I have my schedule made out in order to be able to get all those Christmas chores done before the 25th arrives. Then, I start fretting about not getting enough sleep and being a cranky Scrooge over the holidays as a result . . . . and being a sluggish Nana when my granddaughters spend the night with us this weekend. I always try very hard to spend nothing but quality time with my granddaughters, which means playing nonstop. When I'm sleep-deprived, it becomes a chore instead of fun. So, now do I not only worry about all the "stuff" that I feel HAS to be done before the 25th, but also worrying about being too tired to enjoy my sweet grand-girls this weekend.
Of course, now I'm getting myself so keyed up with worry and anxiety that my heart is actually starting to pound harder. For a moment, I even consider getting up and making a fresh pot of coffee. Smart, huh? Instead, I try fluffing up my pillow and change positions. When I rolled over, I was facing the painting I'd recently purchased from the Christian Bookstore. The street light from outside was casting just enough light on the painting to make it visible. It was beautiful, breathtaking actually. It was shimmering like glitter and it seemed to me in the wee hours of the morning that this painting was the only thing in the room that had any light at all on it. In those moments, the room was otherwise completely dark, completely silent. I could not take my eyes from the picture on the wall.
I'd admired this painting for months before I finally decided to purchase it, but I'd never seen it in this light before. . . . . . I'm again choking up thinking about it now. The painting, a lone tree in the middle of huge drifts of snow, appears bare and a bit forlorn at first glance. Then, my eyes wandered down to the words at the bottom, barely visible but so distinct. "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"......
My heart was immediately stirred and I began to cry. God was speaking to me through that awesome painting. I apologized to Him for letting the anxiety of the holidays overwhelm me. I thanked Him for Christmas Day, when He gave us the Best Gift any of us could ever receive. I thanked Him for His Love and Grace and Mercy. . . . . Those words, "Be still", were almost audible to me in that moment, not only in my heart but in my ears. I felt the unmatchable Peace and Love of my God so strongly, so strongly . . . . there are no words to describe His Perfect Peace.
I was basking in these moments, so completely consumed with Him, when I noticed something else in the painting. The huge tree, which looked so lonely and forsaken, was near an old wooden fence. The tree was almost touching the fence. As I studied this, I began to wonder if the tree was enclosed within the fence's boundaries or was actually outside the fenced-off area. I suppose this is for the individual interpretation of the beholder. I'm pretty sure the artist planned it this way. There have been so many times I've felt "outside the fence" of God's protection. Those times (which I regrettably admit have been way too many in number) when I've leaned on my own understanding and asked God "Why?" Those times when I've been angry about different curve balls I've been thrown over the years. Those times when my family has suffered tragedy and I've been bitter and unsure about anything I'd been taught all my life about God's Grace and Mercy, and how I'd questioned the fact that God will not put more on His children than they can handle. Those times when, as a child, I couldn't understand why I'd sing Jesus Loves Me in Sunday School class but couldn't really grasp that idea because of things that had happened to me, things that Jesus would've protected me from if He really did love me. Those times when I've been a backslider and put Him way down on my priority list. Those times when it's been all about me. . . . . my hurts, my pain, my lack of joy.
Before this moment in the wee hours of the morning on December 16, 2010, I'd viewed this tree in the painting as being outside of the fence, far away from the other trees that are barely visible in the background. Now, I see it in a totally new light. This tree is now within the fence's borders. The fence offers refuge, security, shelter, protection for this massive tree, which is now in another winter of its long life. In the outskirts, there is a forest - far away from this lonely tree. I'd previously thought of this as the enemy of the tree, something to be wary of and something to avoid. I'd actually had a dream one night about being lost in this forest in the painting, alone and frightened with no one around to protect me. In this nightmare, I kept thinking, "I've got to find the big oak and then I'll be safe and can find my way back home". Wow . . . . . I just remembered this and it's SO relevant!!! (Thank you God! Oh my . . . . here come the tears again. . . . I never found my way out of that forest in that nightmare . . . . another night I woke up flailing and unable to breathe.) Now, as I looked at this painting, I began to see this forest differently as well. (Something else I'm sure the artist had in mind when he was painting it.)
This forest now denotes to me all the many friends and family members God has blessed me with over the years. When I'm alone and feeling sad or abandoned by someone I love, I know there are so many people in my life who are there for me. Those people who are also within the fence's protective borders and strive daily to stay within God's will. Those are the people I should spend time with and confide in when times get tough and Satan begins to throw past experiences and strongholds in my face. . . . . . I need to remember to stay within God's fence or "threshold of protection" at all times. I should remember at those times of insecurity and shame and sadness and pain to get in Satan's face and tell him to "Back Off!" When Satan reminds me of my past, I'll immediately remind him of his future! Satan is outside of the fence, just waiting to pounce when I put even one foot over, and that's where I never want to be again.
This huge oak tree had always appeared cold, barren, desolate, abandoned, and without any appearance of life whatsoever. And then, I read the words underneath aloud and feel God reminding me that this tree is NOT dead. This tree has NOT been abandoned, and neither have any of the trees in the forest in the background of the painting been abandoned; although, they too appear empty and without life. They are all merely going through a tough winter - TOGETHER! "Be still and know" . . . . Know that the cold winter is temporary. Know that soon the snow will melt, the frozen ground will begin to warm and soften, life will once again begin to sprout from the trees and from the ground. Know that God will soon paint a gorgeous mural all around us. The grays and browns will soon be transformed into all the hues of red and blue and yellow and green!
Through my sleeplessness and through this inspired painting, God reminded me of some very important truths in the wee hours of this chilly December morning. I felt that He wanted me to take time out of this busy holiday season and share.
God's Reminders: 2:45 a.m. / December 16, 2010:
*Never even get close to going outside the fence of God's protection. Stay in His Word daily. Talk to Him daily. Keep Him NUMBER ONE in my life. Don't let busyness take priority over God. Stay well within the fence's borders - Satan is cunning. He knows what my most fought against temptations are and those are the very things he's waiting to wave in front of me. The devil is right on the other side of the fence, parading my past sins or those sinful things which are so alluring. He's constantly watching. It's his ambition and evil desire to trip me up. Satan knows his destiny and he wants to take as many to hell with him as he can. He knows he can't take away my salvation, but he will do everything in his power to take away my testimony. He can't have my heart, but he can still get in through my mind. When I allow myself to become depressed, angry, unforgiving, bitter, or selfish and put my own needs before the needs of others, gossip, view certain television shows, or a multitude of other sins, Satan has begun to lure me to the wrong side of the fence. I know lost people are always watching Christians and "sizing" us up. I'm very convicted and saddened to think about how many times a lost person has seen or heard me act "unChristian-like" and has possibly decided there's absolutely no difference in this "so-called" Christian and that it's all nonsense, simply from observing me when I was on the other side of the fence.
Lord, please help me to keep that in mind for the remaining days of life here on this earth. Somebody is always watching . . . . . Help me in some way guide them to You and not push them further away from You.
*Keep company with Godly friends and family members. Those who will always be there for me and those I can really trust are few and far between, but those few are my "forest" and are always there with me, inside the fence, ready and willing to help me fight off Satan's attacks and accusations and helping me stay within the safety of the fence. I hope and pray that I also serve as part of my dear friends' and family members' "forests" as well. Together we can lift one another up, hold one another accountable, share one another's burdens, and remind one another that winter is temporary and spring is just around the corner. We can strengthen one another's faith. We should never have to suffer through life's difficult circumstances alone. When a friend is suffering, true friends suffer along with them and help them through what is sometimes a very long, hard winter.
*I am promised a threshold of protection when I yearn to be in God's Will. It's completely my choice. I can choose to indulge in that one "little" sin and take a step closer to the edge of the fence. One step leads to another and I can find myself on the other side before I know what has happened. . . . . the other side is very unpleasant and if I keep walking further away from the fence, it can be very costly and even deadly. God has promised that He will never take away my salvation, but He will remove His hedge of protection if I stray too far away from the fence. This is how He draws me back to His warm embrace and shields me from the world's darkness and Satan's lies. Tough love. If I choose sin, He will enforce his Fatherly discipline for my own good. He is saddened when I choose to brush off His Perfect Love. He loves me enough to allow Satan to have his way with me, if I choose to cross over the fence and run away from Him. He'll allow Satan to replace The Father's unspeakable Joy and Peace (that only comes from unwavering faith in Jesus) with depression, anger, hatred, and eventually with indulging in so much sin that I could create for myself an entirely different environment, removing myself from family, friends, church. A person can become so wrapped up in doing his/her own thing, whatever that may be, and enjoy it so much for a season that he/she steers clear of anyone or anything that might cause them to be convicted of their wrongdoing. That's when it becomes extremely dangerous. I've seen this happen to people who are close to me and I do not want this to ever become my personal story. God knows what is best for me. Just like any loving parent, when He sees one of his children straying away from the shelter of His protective hedge, He longs to bring him/her back into His arms for safety against the devil's snares and entrapments. He simply wants to take care of his kids. Father knows best. Period.
*It's so vital to us as Christians to stay attuned to God's voice and strive continually to stay within His Will. Satan is a cunning, shrewd scoundrel and none of us are beyond being caught in his web of deception if we don't keep an open conversation with God and stay in His Word. I've personally witnessed Satan and his lies bring down many people who had previously been God-fearing Christians. None of us can ever let our guard down and be lured too close to that fence!
*I'm so very thankful for those friends and family members who never gave up on me and prayed for me all those years before I finally gave my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I'm also very thankful for those who have been there for me in times when I've come way too close to the fence, losing faith, and even almost climbing over the fence a few times. I'm thankful for those who have loved me enough to be brutally honest with me and keeping me accountable. A person can never have too many trees in his/her forest!
*I'm ready now to enjoy this day God has blessed me with! (By the way, I did actually fall back to sleep after my "enlightenment" this morning, and I slept better than I have in a very long time for those next couple of hours. Thank you again, Abba! I feel like I actually have a new lease on life. I know winter will pass. There's nothing that I can't handle with God guiding my way. My Father is always right here with me, ready to give me a whipping if I get too close to that fence! I have trustworthy friends and family members who are always there for me; and I will strive even harder to stay away from the wrong side of the fence! My desire is to stay within the boundaries of that fence and draw closer to God, putting away negative thoughts, worry, and anxiety, and kicking Satan in the face every time he attempts to bring these things to the forefront again. I very much want to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times . . . . . at all times.
*Oh yeah . . . . and my "to do" list is a lot shorter now. I marked off those things I thought were so necessary and it shortened my list a whole lot! After all, who notices if the house is not spic-n-span on Christmas Day? It's not like we're living in an unhealthy environment that the Health Department would board up and label "unsafe for humans". What's a little dust (actually a lot of dust) on the furniture and a few sticky spots on the floor? We'll have a wonderful meal, watch the little ones open their gifts, and remember, above all, that Jesus is the reason we are all allowed to celebrate this day together in the first place. Merry Christmas!
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:10-11
"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety will abide under the protection of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I trust!' For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His wings; you will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend you." Psalm 91:1-4
"God will put His angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 91:11
"God says, 'I will save those who love Me and will protect those who acknowledge Me as Lord. When they call to Me, I will answer them, when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honor them.' Psalm 91:14-15
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