I was in my warm, cozy bed. It was so chilly and I very much wanted to just go back to sleep. After all, it was 2:45 a.m.! This happens to me a whole lot these days, but this time it wasn't because of a terrible dream in which I'm drowning or being catapulted into the air unable to breathe. Nope. I was just suddenly awake - 2:45 a.m. and I'm wide awake! If you know me well, you know what I did next. . . .
Knowing I was more than likely going to be unable to go back to sleep, I started going over my "to do" list in my head. I have my schedule made out in order to be able to get all those Christmas chores done before the 25th arrives. Then, I start fretting about not getting enough sleep and being a cranky Scrooge over the holidays as a result . . . . and being a sluggish Nana when my granddaughters spend the night with us this weekend. I always try very hard to spend nothing but quality time with my granddaughters, which means playing nonstop. When I'm sleep-deprived, it becomes a chore instead of fun. So, now do I not only worry about all the "stuff" that I feel HAS to be done before the 25th, but also worrying about being too tired to enjoy my sweet grand-girls this weekend.
Of course, now I'm getting myself so keyed up with worry and anxiety that my heart is actually starting to pound harder. For a moment, I even consider getting up and making a fresh pot of coffee. Smart, huh? Instead, I try fluffing up my pillow and change positions. When I rolled over, I was facing the painting I'd recently purchased from the Christian Bookstore. The street light from outside was casting just enough light on the painting to make it visible. It was beautiful, breathtaking actually. It was shimmering like glitter and it seemed to me in the wee hours of the morning that this painting was the only thing in the room that had any light at all on it. In those moments, the room was otherwise completely dark, completely silent. I could not take my eyes from the picture on the wall.
I'd admired this painting for months before I finally decided to purchase it, but I'd never seen it in this light before. . . . . . I'm again choking up thinking about it now. The painting, a lone tree in the middle of huge drifts of snow, appears bare and a bit forlorn at first glance. Then, my eyes wandered down to the words at the bottom, barely visible but so distinct. "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"......
My heart was immediately stirred and I began to cry. God was speaking to me through that awesome painting. I apologized to Him for letting the anxiety of the holidays overwhelm me. I thanked Him for Christmas Day, when He gave us the Best Gift any of us could ever receive. I thanked Him for His Love and Grace and Mercy. . . . . Those words, "Be still", were almost audible to me in that moment, not only in my heart but in my ears. I felt the unmatchable Peace and Love of my God so strongly, so strongly . . . . there are no words to describe His Perfect Peace.
I was basking in these moments, so completely consumed with Him, when I noticed something else in the painting. The huge tree, which looked so lonely and forsaken, was near an old wooden fence. The tree was almost touching the fence. As I studied this, I began to wonder if the tree was enclosed within the fence's boundaries or was actually outside the fenced-off area. I suppose this is for the individual interpretation of the beholder. I'm pretty sure the artist planned it this way. There have been so many times I've felt "outside the fence" of God's protection. Those times (which I regrettably admit have been way too many in number) when I've leaned on my own understanding and asked God "Why?" Those times when I've been angry about different curve balls I've been thrown over the years. Those times when my family has suffered tragedy and I've been bitter and unsure about anything I'd been taught all my life about God's Grace and Mercy, and how I'd questioned the fact that God will not put more on His children than they can handle. Those times when, as a child, I couldn't understand why I'd sing Jesus Loves Me in Sunday School class but couldn't really grasp that idea because of things that had happened to me, things that Jesus would've protected me from if He really did love me. Those times when I've been a backslider and put Him way down on my priority list. Those times when it's been all about me. . . . . my hurts, my pain, my lack of joy.
Before this moment in the wee hours of the morning on December 16, 2010, I'd viewed this tree in the painting as being outside of the fence, far away from the other trees that are barely visible in the background. Now, I see it in a totally new light. This tree is now within the fence's borders. The fence offers refuge, security, shelter, protection for this massive tree, which is now in another winter of its long life. In the outskirts, there is a forest - far away from this lonely tree. I'd previously thought of this as the enemy of the tree, something to be wary of and something to avoid. I'd actually had a dream one night about being lost in this forest in the painting, alone and frightened with no one around to protect me. In this nightmare, I kept thinking, "I've got to find the big oak and then I'll be safe and can find my way back home". Wow . . . . . I just remembered this and it's SO relevant!!! (Thank you God! Oh my . . . . here come the tears again. . . . I never found my way out of that forest in that nightmare . . . . another night I woke up flailing and unable to breathe.) Now, as I looked at this painting, I began to see this forest differently as well. (Something else I'm sure the artist had in mind when he was painting it.)
This forest now denotes to me all the many friends and family members God has blessed me with over the years. When I'm alone and feeling sad or abandoned by someone I love, I know there are so many people in my life who are there for me. Those people who are also within the fence's protective borders and strive daily to stay within God's will. Those are the people I should spend time with and confide in when times get tough and Satan begins to throw past experiences and strongholds in my face. . . . . . I need to remember to stay within God's fence or "threshold of protection" at all times. I should remember at those times of insecurity and shame and sadness and pain to get in Satan's face and tell him to "Back Off!" When Satan reminds me of my past, I'll immediately remind him of his future! Satan is outside of the fence, just waiting to pounce when I put even one foot over, and that's where I never want to be again.
This huge oak tree had always appeared cold, barren, desolate, abandoned, and without any appearance of life whatsoever. And then, I read the words underneath aloud and feel God reminding me that this tree is NOT dead. This tree has NOT been abandoned, and neither have any of the trees in the forest in the background of the painting been abandoned; although, they too appear empty and without life. They are all merely going through a tough winter - TOGETHER! "Be still and know" . . . . Know that the cold winter is temporary. Know that soon the snow will melt, the frozen ground will begin to warm and soften, life will once again begin to sprout from the trees and from the ground. Know that God will soon paint a gorgeous mural all around us. The grays and browns will soon be transformed into all the hues of red and blue and yellow and green!
Through my sleeplessness and through this inspired painting, God reminded me of some very important truths in the wee hours of this chilly December morning. I felt that He wanted me to take time out of this busy holiday season and share.
God's Reminders: 2:45 a.m. / December 16, 2010:
*Never even get close to going outside the fence of God's protection. Stay in His Word daily. Talk to Him daily. Keep Him NUMBER ONE in my life. Don't let busyness take priority over God. Stay well within the fence's borders - Satan is cunning. He knows what my most fought against temptations are and those are the very things he's waiting to wave in front of me. The devil is right on the other side of the fence, parading my past sins or those sinful things which are so alluring. He's constantly watching. It's his ambition and evil desire to trip me up. Satan knows his destiny and he wants to take as many to hell with him as he can. He knows he can't take away my salvation, but he will do everything in his power to take away my testimony. He can't have my heart, but he can still get in through my mind. When I allow myself to become depressed, angry, unforgiving, bitter, or selfish and put my own needs before the needs of others, gossip, view certain television shows, or a multitude of other sins, Satan has begun to lure me to the wrong side of the fence. I know lost people are always watching Christians and "sizing" us up. I'm very convicted and saddened to think about how many times a lost person has seen or heard me act "unChristian-like" and has possibly decided there's absolutely no difference in this "so-called" Christian and that it's all nonsense, simply from observing me when I was on the other side of the fence.
Lord, please help me to keep that in mind for the remaining days of life here on this earth. Somebody is always watching . . . . . Help me in some way guide them to You and not push them further away from You.
*Keep company with Godly friends and family members. Those who will always be there for me and those I can really trust are few and far between, but those few are my "forest" and are always there with me, inside the fence, ready and willing to help me fight off Satan's attacks and accusations and helping me stay within the safety of the fence. I hope and pray that I also serve as part of my dear friends' and family members' "forests" as well. Together we can lift one another up, hold one another accountable, share one another's burdens, and remind one another that winter is temporary and spring is just around the corner. We can strengthen one another's faith. We should never have to suffer through life's difficult circumstances alone. When a friend is suffering, true friends suffer along with them and help them through what is sometimes a very long, hard winter.
*I am promised a threshold of protection when I yearn to be in God's Will. It's completely my choice. I can choose to indulge in that one "little" sin and take a step closer to the edge of the fence. One step leads to another and I can find myself on the other side before I know what has happened. . . . . the other side is very unpleasant and if I keep walking further away from the fence, it can be very costly and even deadly. God has promised that He will never take away my salvation, but He will remove His hedge of protection if I stray too far away from the fence. This is how He draws me back to His warm embrace and shields me from the world's darkness and Satan's lies. Tough love. If I choose sin, He will enforce his Fatherly discipline for my own good. He is saddened when I choose to brush off His Perfect Love. He loves me enough to allow Satan to have his way with me, if I choose to cross over the fence and run away from Him. He'll allow Satan to replace The Father's unspeakable Joy and Peace (that only comes from unwavering faith in Jesus) with depression, anger, hatred, and eventually with indulging in so much sin that I could create for myself an entirely different environment, removing myself from family, friends, church. A person can become so wrapped up in doing his/her own thing, whatever that may be, and enjoy it so much for a season that he/she steers clear of anyone or anything that might cause them to be convicted of their wrongdoing. That's when it becomes extremely dangerous. I've seen this happen to people who are close to me and I do not want this to ever become my personal story. God knows what is best for me. Just like any loving parent, when He sees one of his children straying away from the shelter of His protective hedge, He longs to bring him/her back into His arms for safety against the devil's snares and entrapments. He simply wants to take care of his kids. Father knows best. Period.
*It's so vital to us as Christians to stay attuned to God's voice and strive continually to stay within His Will. Satan is a cunning, shrewd scoundrel and none of us are beyond being caught in his web of deception if we don't keep an open conversation with God and stay in His Word. I've personally witnessed Satan and his lies bring down many people who had previously been God-fearing Christians. None of us can ever let our guard down and be lured too close to that fence!
*I'm so very thankful for those friends and family members who never gave up on me and prayed for me all those years before I finally gave my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I'm also very thankful for those who have been there for me in times when I've come way too close to the fence, losing faith, and even almost climbing over the fence a few times. I'm thankful for those who have loved me enough to be brutally honest with me and keeping me accountable. A person can never have too many trees in his/her forest!
*I'm ready now to enjoy this day God has blessed me with! (By the way, I did actually fall back to sleep after my "enlightenment" this morning, and I slept better than I have in a very long time for those next couple of hours. Thank you again, Abba! I feel like I actually have a new lease on life. I know winter will pass. There's nothing that I can't handle with God guiding my way. My Father is always right here with me, ready to give me a whipping if I get too close to that fence! I have trustworthy friends and family members who are always there for me; and I will strive even harder to stay away from the wrong side of the fence! My desire is to stay within the boundaries of that fence and draw closer to God, putting away negative thoughts, worry, and anxiety, and kicking Satan in the face every time he attempts to bring these things to the forefront again. I very much want to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times . . . . . at all times.
*Oh yeah . . . . and my "to do" list is a lot shorter now. I marked off those things I thought were so necessary and it shortened my list a whole lot! After all, who notices if the house is not spic-n-span on Christmas Day? It's not like we're living in an unhealthy environment that the Health Department would board up and label "unsafe for humans". What's a little dust (actually a lot of dust) on the furniture and a few sticky spots on the floor? We'll have a wonderful meal, watch the little ones open their gifts, and remember, above all, that Jesus is the reason we are all allowed to celebrate this day together in the first place. Merry Christmas!
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:10-11
"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety will abide under the protection of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I trust!' For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His wings; you will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend you." Psalm 91:1-4
"God will put His angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 91:11
"God says, 'I will save those who love Me and will protect those who acknowledge Me as Lord. When they call to Me, I will answer them, when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honor them.' Psalm 91:14-15
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
"Little Preacher Boy"
"Little Preacher Boy"
This time of year stirs up memories about past holiday seasons. I can't help but reminisce about all those Thanksgiving feasts, getting together with family and eating until I thought I'd pop. Christmas memories are also always in the back of my mind. As Buddy and I talk about past celebrations, about those Christmases when our kids were little and how excited they always were when we finally gave them the okay to rip into their presents . . . we can never rehash those memories without both of us getting teary-eyed. He shares a memory with me and I share another one with him . . . . . silence and sniffles.
On our way to church yesterday, that's what Buddy and I were doing - remembering when our kids were little. We were laughing and crying at the same time. (We are both a couple of cry babies when it comes to our kids.) There are so many things I could write about when it comes to our kids when they were younger - and some day I plan to do that. But, on this day, one specific Christmas memory is stuck in my head and I feel the need to share that with anyone who decides to read this blog.
This Christmas memory is about our son, Blake. He was quite a little boy. There was never a dull moment with Blake around, ask anyone who knew him back then. He was a character, but he was also very sweet and kindhearted and always wanted to make people around him feel happy. When he was just a toddler, he would drag out a little table that his Pappa Martin had made, put on his cowboy boots and cowboy hat, lay his little Bible on the table, and preach his little heart out. It was always the same sermon, "Feed my sheep! Feed my sheep!". I can still see him, pounding on that little table and saying that over and over and over. My Granddaddy Trafford always said, "Blake is going to be our little preacher in the family". We had no idea at the time that Granddaddy's prediction was right on the mark.
Now that I've given the backdrop of our "little preacher boy", I'll share this Christmas memory. It was the Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four years old. His Sunday School teacher was Mrs. Scruggs, our pastor's wife. Blake absolutely adored Mrs. Scruggs, and she felt the same about him. She always had something to tell us after class, usually about a profound statement Blake had made regarding the lesson. He loved to talk about Jesus and sing about Jesus. When the pastor would ask if there were any prayer requests, most of the time Blake would throw his little hand in the air. The pastor would ask Blake what his prayer request was and Blake would share it. It was usually about a friend or family member who was sick. I remember once he asked that everyone pray for a neighbor who was "just sad". He loved praying for Granny Garrett. He called her "Annie". Once the pastor asked him what his prayer request was and Blake said, "Pweeze pway fah my Annie, cause I shuwy do wuv my Annie". That one brought tears to some eyes.
That Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four, Mrs. Scruggs walked over to me after church. She had to share with me another "Blake moment". I was prepared once again to have my chest swell with pride by another "Blake is so smart or Blake is such a joy or Blake touches my heart" story from his Sunday School teacher. Mrs. Scruggs began to relay to me that the class of four-to-six year olds were so excited about their Christmas presents, she decided to let each one of them tell what they'd received for Christmas so she could move on with her lesson. One by one, the kids told about their various Christmas goodies. She said that Blake sat there very patiently waiting his turn to share. (I'm thinking to myself that he probably wanted to share his new Bible he'd gotten and maybe preach a mini sermon to the rest of the class.) Mrs. Scruggs said it was Blake's turn.
Without saying a word, he stood up, turned around, unzipped and dropped his pants, and bent over. He patted his little behind and said, "I GOT SUPERMAN UNDEROOS!" Mrs. Scruggs said it happened before she realized what was happening. She could barely get the story told because she was laughing so hard. Thing is, the rest of the class thought his Superman Underoos were so cool and made comments about them. Blake wasn't intending to be funny. He simply wanted to show off his new underwear. After all, these were the first character underwear he'd ever had. He'd always had to wear the boring, plain white ones in the past. The only one in the class who thought it was hysterical was Mrs. Scruggs. The other kids thought Blake had gotten such an awesome Christmas present and were very seriously telling him so. Mrs. Scruggs said Blake pulled up his pants, sat back down, and was beaming with pride. She pulled herself together and the lesson continued.
So much for our "little preacher" showing off his new Bible that we thought he had been so proud of. Who knew that out of his Christmas presents that year, the Superman Underoos would take priority over his new "big boy Bible". As parents, that was not one of our proudest moments, but it's a memory we'll never forget (and one his Sunday School teacher and the other kids in the class probably won't forget either.)
This time of year stirs up memories about past holiday seasons. I can't help but reminisce about all those Thanksgiving feasts, getting together with family and eating until I thought I'd pop. Christmas memories are also always in the back of my mind. As Buddy and I talk about past celebrations, about those Christmases when our kids were little and how excited they always were when we finally gave them the okay to rip into their presents . . . we can never rehash those memories without both of us getting teary-eyed. He shares a memory with me and I share another one with him . . . . . silence and sniffles.
On our way to church yesterday, that's what Buddy and I were doing - remembering when our kids were little. We were laughing and crying at the same time. (We are both a couple of cry babies when it comes to our kids.) There are so many things I could write about when it comes to our kids when they were younger - and some day I plan to do that. But, on this day, one specific Christmas memory is stuck in my head and I feel the need to share that with anyone who decides to read this blog.
This Christmas memory is about our son, Blake. He was quite a little boy. There was never a dull moment with Blake around, ask anyone who knew him back then. He was a character, but he was also very sweet and kindhearted and always wanted to make people around him feel happy. When he was just a toddler, he would drag out a little table that his Pappa Martin had made, put on his cowboy boots and cowboy hat, lay his little Bible on the table, and preach his little heart out. It was always the same sermon, "Feed my sheep! Feed my sheep!". I can still see him, pounding on that little table and saying that over and over and over. My Granddaddy Trafford always said, "Blake is going to be our little preacher in the family". We had no idea at the time that Granddaddy's prediction was right on the mark.
Now that I've given the backdrop of our "little preacher boy", I'll share this Christmas memory. It was the Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four years old. His Sunday School teacher was Mrs. Scruggs, our pastor's wife. Blake absolutely adored Mrs. Scruggs, and she felt the same about him. She always had something to tell us after class, usually about a profound statement Blake had made regarding the lesson. He loved to talk about Jesus and sing about Jesus. When the pastor would ask if there were any prayer requests, most of the time Blake would throw his little hand in the air. The pastor would ask Blake what his prayer request was and Blake would share it. It was usually about a friend or family member who was sick. I remember once he asked that everyone pray for a neighbor who was "just sad". He loved praying for Granny Garrett. He called her "Annie". Once the pastor asked him what his prayer request was and Blake said, "Pweeze pway fah my Annie, cause I shuwy do wuv my Annie". That one brought tears to some eyes.
That Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four, Mrs. Scruggs walked over to me after church. She had to share with me another "Blake moment". I was prepared once again to have my chest swell with pride by another "Blake is so smart or Blake is such a joy or Blake touches my heart" story from his Sunday School teacher. Mrs. Scruggs began to relay to me that the class of four-to-six year olds were so excited about their Christmas presents, she decided to let each one of them tell what they'd received for Christmas so she could move on with her lesson. One by one, the kids told about their various Christmas goodies. She said that Blake sat there very patiently waiting his turn to share. (I'm thinking to myself that he probably wanted to share his new Bible he'd gotten and maybe preach a mini sermon to the rest of the class.) Mrs. Scruggs said it was Blake's turn.
Without saying a word, he stood up, turned around, unzipped and dropped his pants, and bent over. He patted his little behind and said, "I GOT SUPERMAN UNDEROOS!" Mrs. Scruggs said it happened before she realized what was happening. She could barely get the story told because she was laughing so hard. Thing is, the rest of the class thought his Superman Underoos were so cool and made comments about them. Blake wasn't intending to be funny. He simply wanted to show off his new underwear. After all, these were the first character underwear he'd ever had. He'd always had to wear the boring, plain white ones in the past. The only one in the class who thought it was hysterical was Mrs. Scruggs. The other kids thought Blake had gotten such an awesome Christmas present and were very seriously telling him so. Mrs. Scruggs said Blake pulled up his pants, sat back down, and was beaming with pride. She pulled herself together and the lesson continued.
So much for our "little preacher" showing off his new Bible that we thought he had been so proud of. Who knew that out of his Christmas presents that year, the Superman Underoos would take priority over his new "big boy Bible". As parents, that was not one of our proudest moments, but it's a memory we'll never forget (and one his Sunday School teacher and the other kids in the class probably won't forget either.)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Drinking From the King's Cup
Drinking From the King's Cup
Buddy and I visited a friend in the nursing home yesterday. We have been friends since we were just little tikes and he's a relative of Buddy's. He had a horrible four-wheeler accident a couple of months ago and was seriously injured. For several days, he wasn't expected to pull through. After weeks and weeks in the hospital and undergoing lung surgery, he is now at the nursing home in Morrilton for rehabilitation.
Just the week previously, Buddy had visited him at the hospital in Little Rock and he could still barely speak and was unable to walk. Much to our surprise when we walked into his room at the nursing home yesterday, the second he saw us he smiled really big and threw up his arm and said, "Hey, Buddy and Susan!" Buddy couldn't get over how much he'd improved in only a week. Ricky told us that he'd been taking a few steps with the aid of a walker and he is just overall doing so much better.
After visiting with Ricky for awhile, he began to share with us different experiences he has had since his tragic accident. I hadn't intended to write a blog about this until I just opened my devotional book and turned to today's entry. "Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again - ever!" (John 4:14) Oh my! After hearing Ricky's description of some events that have occurred over the past few weeks that have to be more than mere coincidences - and then seeing what my devotional scripture was for today - well, all I have to say is, "It's time to write again!" So, here we go . . . .
Ricky had both Buddy and me completely captivated! He was beaming while relating these happenings to us. The one I feel I have to share, because of today's verse, is about water. Ricky said he has been so thirsty for weeks. He also had been unable to speak for weeks and had problems even letting anyone know that he was so very thirsty. Shortly after he was moved to the nursing home last week, still unable to speak very well, fatiguing extremely easily, and unable to make his requests known very well, he said he was so thirsty he thought he was going to die. He told us that he didn't know a person could be so thirsty and he was desperate for a drink of cold water. He began to pray and tell God that he sure would appreciate it if He would send someone in his room with a cold drink of water. He said he watched the clock and in exactly fifteen minutes, an aide came into his room with a cup and said, "I thought you might want a drink of water". She helped Ricky drink from the cup and he was thinking to himself that this was the best water he'd ever had in his life. The aide left and Ricky started realizing that the few sips of water he'd just had didn't even begin to satisfy his extreme thirst and dry throat. So, he began to pray to God again, saying, "God, I sure don't want to bother you, but if you'd just let someone out there know that I need more water, I'd sure be grateful". He watched the clock. Exactly fifteen minutes after he'd prayed, the aide came into his room again and said, "I brought you more water, eight ounces". Ricky said he was absolutely thrilled and exuberantly gulped the cold water. The aide again left the room.
A few minutes passed. Ricky was STILL thirsty. He said, "Father, if I had about twice that much water, I think it would finally quench my thirst." In exactly fifteen minutes, in walked an aide carrying a large plastic cup. She said to Ricky, "I brought you more water, 16 ounces this time" (exactly twice the amount she'd brought before.) Ricky said he drank the water and his thirst was finally quenched.
I can't recount this like Ricky did. You'd really need to hear him talk about it. He was talking about "drinking from the King's cup", because he knew God had heard his request and sent the water to him. There are so many analogies that can be drawn from this from a spiritual viewpoint, but we'll leave that to Ricky. He's planning to write a book about his experiences and I wouldn't be surprised if it's entitled Drinking From the King's Cup. I'm so excited for him and am very much looking forward to reading it!
Ricky Chapman is truly inspirational! Buddy and I thought we'd visit him to "cheer him up" and "make him feel better". . . . . Just the opposite happened. We left the nursing home feeling so uplifted and hopeful because of Ricky's testimony - What a blessing!!!
Susan Trafford Martin
November 22, 2010
Buddy and I visited a friend in the nursing home yesterday. We have been friends since we were just little tikes and he's a relative of Buddy's. He had a horrible four-wheeler accident a couple of months ago and was seriously injured. For several days, he wasn't expected to pull through. After weeks and weeks in the hospital and undergoing lung surgery, he is now at the nursing home in Morrilton for rehabilitation.
Just the week previously, Buddy had visited him at the hospital in Little Rock and he could still barely speak and was unable to walk. Much to our surprise when we walked into his room at the nursing home yesterday, the second he saw us he smiled really big and threw up his arm and said, "Hey, Buddy and Susan!" Buddy couldn't get over how much he'd improved in only a week. Ricky told us that he'd been taking a few steps with the aid of a walker and he is just overall doing so much better.
After visiting with Ricky for awhile, he began to share with us different experiences he has had since his tragic accident. I hadn't intended to write a blog about this until I just opened my devotional book and turned to today's entry. "Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again - ever!" (John 4:14) Oh my! After hearing Ricky's description of some events that have occurred over the past few weeks that have to be more than mere coincidences - and then seeing what my devotional scripture was for today - well, all I have to say is, "It's time to write again!" So, here we go . . . .
Ricky had both Buddy and me completely captivated! He was beaming while relating these happenings to us. The one I feel I have to share, because of today's verse, is about water. Ricky said he has been so thirsty for weeks. He also had been unable to speak for weeks and had problems even letting anyone know that he was so very thirsty. Shortly after he was moved to the nursing home last week, still unable to speak very well, fatiguing extremely easily, and unable to make his requests known very well, he said he was so thirsty he thought he was going to die. He told us that he didn't know a person could be so thirsty and he was desperate for a drink of cold water. He began to pray and tell God that he sure would appreciate it if He would send someone in his room with a cold drink of water. He said he watched the clock and in exactly fifteen minutes, an aide came into his room with a cup and said, "I thought you might want a drink of water". She helped Ricky drink from the cup and he was thinking to himself that this was the best water he'd ever had in his life. The aide left and Ricky started realizing that the few sips of water he'd just had didn't even begin to satisfy his extreme thirst and dry throat. So, he began to pray to God again, saying, "God, I sure don't want to bother you, but if you'd just let someone out there know that I need more water, I'd sure be grateful". He watched the clock. Exactly fifteen minutes after he'd prayed, the aide came into his room again and said, "I brought you more water, eight ounces". Ricky said he was absolutely thrilled and exuberantly gulped the cold water. The aide again left the room.
A few minutes passed. Ricky was STILL thirsty. He said, "Father, if I had about twice that much water, I think it would finally quench my thirst." In exactly fifteen minutes, in walked an aide carrying a large plastic cup. She said to Ricky, "I brought you more water, 16 ounces this time" (exactly twice the amount she'd brought before.) Ricky said he drank the water and his thirst was finally quenched.
I can't recount this like Ricky did. You'd really need to hear him talk about it. He was talking about "drinking from the King's cup", because he knew God had heard his request and sent the water to him. There are so many analogies that can be drawn from this from a spiritual viewpoint, but we'll leave that to Ricky. He's planning to write a book about his experiences and I wouldn't be surprised if it's entitled Drinking From the King's Cup. I'm so excited for him and am very much looking forward to reading it!
Ricky Chapman is truly inspirational! Buddy and I thought we'd visit him to "cheer him up" and "make him feel better". . . . . Just the opposite happened. We left the nursing home feeling so uplifted and hopeful because of Ricky's testimony - What a blessing!!!
Susan Trafford Martin
November 22, 2010
What Faith Looks Like
What Faith Looks Like
I've had the privilege of being in the company of so many faithful Christians over the past 51 years. I have so many family members who have set such a Godly example. I've had many friends over the years who have been devoted to living for Jesus. Today I want to share one of the biggest blessings that has ever been bestowed on me, a friendship I've had for over 20 years.
The year my son started kindergarten at Vilonia Elementary School, I also started working there as an aide. At a meeting a couple of days before school started, I sat across the table from a teacher who had also just been hired. We began talking and soon learned we had a lot in common. Our friendship was pretty much immediate and it wasn't long before we were spending time together outside of school. She was my oldest daughter's sixth grade English teacher and, of course, Kristi loved her. The rest of my family would soon also grow to love her and she became like a member of our family very quickly.
One of our favorite things to do over the past 20+ years is to meet at Cracker Barrel for breakfast on Saturday morning from time to time. Our "breakfasts" have never been less than four hours long. After feasting on pancakes and bacon, we always end up sitting in the rocking chairs on the porch of Cracker Barrel and talking for hours. She's a special person. I love her. My mother always told me if a person has two people in their lifetime who prove themselves to be true friends, that person is very blessed. I have been greatly blessed. A person couldn't have a more true, caring, trustworthy friend on this earth.
A little over a year ago, my friend had some medical tests done. She called me late one evening, on a Wednesday, and said, "It's cancer". I felt my heart drop and there was a lump in my throat so huge I could hardly get a word out. I can't even recall the details of that conversation now, but we talked for awhile. I told her I would come over, but she assured me that she was fine and that she really just needed some time alone to process this information she'd just gotten that afternoon. She said, "Just pray, just pray".
This wasn't her first experience at being slapped in the face by bad news. She'd had many letdowns and heartbreaks in years past. Still, she leaned on Jesus and never harbored bitterness or self pity.
Many tests later, she was scheduled for surgery. Just before Thanksgiving, she had extensive surgery and the news wasn't good. Just like before, through the bad reports after tests and less-than-optimistic discussions with various doctors, she never lost faith. She was very concerned and anxious about what she would be facing from a medical aspect, she admitted that. But, she never lost faith. After one of the visits with her oncologist before the surgery, after being given the "I don't want to give you false hope" lecture from the doctor, we were on our way back to Conway. My heart was so heavy for my dear friend. Tears were welling up in her eyes and began to overflow onto her cheeks, as she expressed her deepest thoughts and feelings. I'll never forget what she said to me. Tears were streaming, but she still had that sweet, peaceful smile on her face, as she said, "I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know this: God will heal me one way or the other. He will either heal my physical body or He'll give me a new body when He takes me to Heaven". She added, "No matter what happens, it's going to be okay". I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly as I heard her very calmly and very assuredly express her complete and unflinching confidence in her Lord and Savior. I began thanking the Lord for this dear friend whose bad diagnosis would become such an inspirational testimony to so many people.
Just a few short months ago, after going through several months of chemotherapy and very close observation by her oncologist, she was told that she appeared to be another miracle. Her last tests were completely clear and she appeared to be cancer free. We were all rejoicing and celebrating!
Last night I returned home and had a message on my machine. It was my friend. She was her usual sweet self and said she "just wanted to talk to me". But, there was something in her voice that wasn't quite right. I tried returning her call a few times, but I received no answer. I left voice mails. This morning I looked for her at church, but couldn't find her. I was concerned because she was always at church. After I'd taken my seat at my usual spot, I turned around and saw my sweet friend walking toward me. We'd somehow missed each other and she'd come to find me. Before she even reached me, I felt something wasn't right. She had that same sweet smile, but a different look in her eyes. We hugged and I complimented her new hairstyle. This was the first time she hadn't worn a wig in almost a year. Her hair had grown enough to be cut and styled into a very cute cut. I was telling her how nice it looked on her and she grabbed me and hugged me again, very tightly. As we embraced, she began telling me why she'd wanted to talk to me the evening before and why I'd picked up a different tone in her voice mail. "The followup tests weren't good. The cancer markers are very high. There's something hiding inside me and they have to try to find where it is". Oh no, not again. We really thought this was fixed once and for all. She'd been doing so well. I looked at her and saw huge tears welling up in her eyes. But still, that sweet smile. I couldn't hide my concern and my shock, but her smile reassured me. "It's going to be okay, no matter what".
My sweet friend, one of the dearest friends I've ever had in my life. I'm sad today, but I'm trying to have faith. I'm hoping some of her faith will rub off on me. What a testimony! What an example of genuine faith! I've witnessed her close fellowship with Jesus Christ for over 20 years, day in and day out, through good and bad. I've observed her ongoing trust in her Lord and Savior no matter what life throws her way. I don't know why God blessed me with her friendship all these years, but I'll forever be so very thankful He has. To be able to call Beverly McGuire a close friend is quite an honor and a privilege. I've learned so much from her about faith and forgiveness and Christ-like love.
We don't know what the next few months hold in store for this beautiful, petite, soft-spoken, strong warrior who wears the Armor of God like a glove, but I'm hanging onto the fact that "it'll all be okay, no matter what". This is what faith looks like.
Susan Trafford Martin
November 21, 2010
I've had the privilege of being in the company of so many faithful Christians over the past 51 years. I have so many family members who have set such a Godly example. I've had many friends over the years who have been devoted to living for Jesus. Today I want to share one of the biggest blessings that has ever been bestowed on me, a friendship I've had for over 20 years.
The year my son started kindergarten at Vilonia Elementary School, I also started working there as an aide. At a meeting a couple of days before school started, I sat across the table from a teacher who had also just been hired. We began talking and soon learned we had a lot in common. Our friendship was pretty much immediate and it wasn't long before we were spending time together outside of school. She was my oldest daughter's sixth grade English teacher and, of course, Kristi loved her. The rest of my family would soon also grow to love her and she became like a member of our family very quickly.
One of our favorite things to do over the past 20+ years is to meet at Cracker Barrel for breakfast on Saturday morning from time to time. Our "breakfasts" have never been less than four hours long. After feasting on pancakes and bacon, we always end up sitting in the rocking chairs on the porch of Cracker Barrel and talking for hours. She's a special person. I love her. My mother always told me if a person has two people in their lifetime who prove themselves to be true friends, that person is very blessed. I have been greatly blessed. A person couldn't have a more true, caring, trustworthy friend on this earth.
A little over a year ago, my friend had some medical tests done. She called me late one evening, on a Wednesday, and said, "It's cancer". I felt my heart drop and there was a lump in my throat so huge I could hardly get a word out. I can't even recall the details of that conversation now, but we talked for awhile. I told her I would come over, but she assured me that she was fine and that she really just needed some time alone to process this information she'd just gotten that afternoon. She said, "Just pray, just pray".
This wasn't her first experience at being slapped in the face by bad news. She'd had many letdowns and heartbreaks in years past. Still, she leaned on Jesus and never harbored bitterness or self pity.
Many tests later, she was scheduled for surgery. Just before Thanksgiving, she had extensive surgery and the news wasn't good. Just like before, through the bad reports after tests and less-than-optimistic discussions with various doctors, she never lost faith. She was very concerned and anxious about what she would be facing from a medical aspect, she admitted that. But, she never lost faith. After one of the visits with her oncologist before the surgery, after being given the "I don't want to give you false hope" lecture from the doctor, we were on our way back to Conway. My heart was so heavy for my dear friend. Tears were welling up in her eyes and began to overflow onto her cheeks, as she expressed her deepest thoughts and feelings. I'll never forget what she said to me. Tears were streaming, but she still had that sweet, peaceful smile on her face, as she said, "I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know this: God will heal me one way or the other. He will either heal my physical body or He'll give me a new body when He takes me to Heaven". She added, "No matter what happens, it's going to be okay". I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly as I heard her very calmly and very assuredly express her complete and unflinching confidence in her Lord and Savior. I began thanking the Lord for this dear friend whose bad diagnosis would become such an inspirational testimony to so many people.
Just a few short months ago, after going through several months of chemotherapy and very close observation by her oncologist, she was told that she appeared to be another miracle. Her last tests were completely clear and she appeared to be cancer free. We were all rejoicing and celebrating!
Last night I returned home and had a message on my machine. It was my friend. She was her usual sweet self and said she "just wanted to talk to me". But, there was something in her voice that wasn't quite right. I tried returning her call a few times, but I received no answer. I left voice mails. This morning I looked for her at church, but couldn't find her. I was concerned because she was always at church. After I'd taken my seat at my usual spot, I turned around and saw my sweet friend walking toward me. We'd somehow missed each other and she'd come to find me. Before she even reached me, I felt something wasn't right. She had that same sweet smile, but a different look in her eyes. We hugged and I complimented her new hairstyle. This was the first time she hadn't worn a wig in almost a year. Her hair had grown enough to be cut and styled into a very cute cut. I was telling her how nice it looked on her and she grabbed me and hugged me again, very tightly. As we embraced, she began telling me why she'd wanted to talk to me the evening before and why I'd picked up a different tone in her voice mail. "The followup tests weren't good. The cancer markers are very high. There's something hiding inside me and they have to try to find where it is". Oh no, not again. We really thought this was fixed once and for all. She'd been doing so well. I looked at her and saw huge tears welling up in her eyes. But still, that sweet smile. I couldn't hide my concern and my shock, but her smile reassured me. "It's going to be okay, no matter what".
My sweet friend, one of the dearest friends I've ever had in my life. I'm sad today, but I'm trying to have faith. I'm hoping some of her faith will rub off on me. What a testimony! What an example of genuine faith! I've witnessed her close fellowship with Jesus Christ for over 20 years, day in and day out, through good and bad. I've observed her ongoing trust in her Lord and Savior no matter what life throws her way. I don't know why God blessed me with her friendship all these years, but I'll forever be so very thankful He has. To be able to call Beverly McGuire a close friend is quite an honor and a privilege. I've learned so much from her about faith and forgiveness and Christ-like love.
We don't know what the next few months hold in store for this beautiful, petite, soft-spoken, strong warrior who wears the Armor of God like a glove, but I'm hanging onto the fact that "it'll all be okay, no matter what". This is what faith looks like.
Susan Trafford Martin
November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Recipe for Life
It's that time of year again. Time to go through the old family recipes that were passed down by my mother and my grandmothers in preparation for our holiday feast. I have hundreds of recipes, some even dating back to my great-grandmother. It's impossible for me to make these ridiculously delicious dishes without having the recipe at hand. I have to follow them exactly as written in order to ensure the same tasty result. If I leave something out or decide to "do my own thing" and add an ingredient or two, the taste will be different. I have changed a couple of the recipes by adding an ingredient or leaving an ingredient out to make them taste even better.
The same is true of what I refer to as "recipes for life". Our individual lives are made up of lots of different ingredients, with different amounts of good and bad elements. Just like old family recipes, a lot of the components are passed down from one generation to the next. Each generation chooses to either keep the exact same recipe or to change it up a bit.
Changing the family "recipe for life" that is passed down through the years can have either positive or negative results for our children and grandchildren. With each new generation there can be many changes in the various aspects of our individual lives in comparison to the generation before. Some changes are good. Some changes are unavoidable. Some are tragic. In some families, there are ingredients that should be removed from the family "recipe for life" for the benefit and well being of future generations - immorality, abusiveness, and addiction, just to name a few. Some family recipes should have a few ingredients added, such as compassion, patience, better communication, selflessness, or stronger devotion to spiritual matters. The legacy of the past generation determines the propensity of the next generation to a very large degree. Each one of us has the opportunity to scratch off undesirable ingredients from our family "recipe" and to add more nourishing ingredients. We can change the makeup of our family "recipe for life" legacy for better or for worse.
Every single one of us, as individual family members, adds ingredients to or removes ingredients from the family "recipe". These changes are passed down to the next generation. Those future family members will have the choice to keep the same recipe for their children. The ingredients we add to or take away today will have an effect on our children and their children tomorrow. The choices we make, the things we do, the places we go, the things we say, the people with whom we keep company, our thoughts, our actions, our decisions, our beliefs - it all matters.
We can pass on a legacy of depression, bitterness, immorality, addiction, emotional or physical abuse, anger, selfishness, worldliness . . . or we can choose to leave a legacy of joy, hope, clean living, patience, love, and most importantly, faith in Jesus Christ and dependence on His Word. Our contributions to the family recipe will add either sweet flavor or gall. Poor choices on our part today spawn difficulties not only for us personally, but for family members, present and future. Our choices, actions, and beliefs affect others.
We each contribute different measurements of various ingredients to the making of our family recipe for life. That's just a fact. Mistakes or poor choices from past generations do not have to be repeated. We can take those ingredients out of the mix. Love for God and love for others are ingredients that should be written in the family recipe with unerasable ink, passed down from generation to generation. We all have the ability to change our individual family recipes for the better. We should continue using the necessary and helpful ingredients in the recipe that was handed down to us to pass down to the next generation, but we should each have the desire to change those that are harmful.
What will you add to or take from your family's "recipe"? Will it be helpful or harmful? The mixing bowl is in front of you, ingredients are on the table, the spoon is in your hand . . . . what is added or thrown in the garbage is up to you. Choose prayerfully and mix well.
Susan Trafford Martin
November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
What Was I Thinking?
I'd known him practically all of my life. Our families had known each other for literally generations. He was three years older. I was a kid, probably 14 or 15 years old, when he was working at Kroger after school. My mom and I would see him every Saturday when we went grocery shopping. He'd always have that big smile on his face. He was tall and lanky. One day my mom said, "Buddy sure is a friendly young man". I said, "Yeah". . . . . but, what was I thinking? I was thinking, "...and he's really cute too!".
-------- Fast forward a few years, June 1979: The previous two years had been extremely life-changing for me. A two-year relationship had ended badly. As a naive young girl, I'd given into temptation and had become pregnant. The one who had pledged his devotion to me and had told me for two years how much he loved me had shown his true colors when I told him about the baby. A few weeks afterwards, his mom called me and was very upset. He was gone. She'd just found out he had joined the Navy and he had left that morning. He'd kept this a secret for weeks. I had quit college, gotten a full-time job, and was planning for our life together. I had a furnished apartment and was preparing to get married soon. To hear this news from his mom felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I was devastated. What was I thinking? Initially, I was thinking, "My life is over. I have no future". Once I finally grasped what had happened, I knew I had to change my way of thinking. My new way of thinking: "This is the bed I've made. Now I've got to lie in it. I have to focus on my baby, my innocent baby who didn't ask for this". I remember very clearly the day I determined in my mind that I would never allow myself to be hurt like this again. I would be a single mom the rest of my life and that's just the way it was. I'd just take it one day at a time and jump the hurdles of life as they presented themselves in the future. And, even though I was barely 18 years old, I knew I had many hardships ahead of me, because of the bad choices I'd made. I couldn't go through my life blaming someone else. I had to take responsibility for my own future and take care of my baby the best I could. The plans I'd made for myself had been squashed. I'd always planned to become a teacher, but I had no choice except to quit college and start working full-time. It was no longer just about me and my plans for myself. I had a baby to think about now. . . . Months went by. I had a baby girl and I was taking it one day at a time. . .
......My baby girl, Kristi Elise, had just turned one year old. I rushed to Kroger after work, anxious to get home and spend time with her. I was fumbling through my purse as I walked in the door and bumped into someone. As I was apologizing, I looked up and saw it was Buddy Martin - with that contagious smile of his. I was thinking, "Where the heck has he been all of these years?" So . . . . I asked, "Where the heck have you been all of these years?" He told me about being in the Navy for four years and he'd just gotten back home. We chit-chatted for a couple of minutes. I told him I was in a hurry, but it was good to see him. I made my purchases and as I was putting my things in the car, a blue Chevy pulled up beside me and someone said, "Hey, Susan!" It was Buddy, grinning from ear to ear. He said, "I was just curious where you work because you're wearing that lab coat". I told him and we chit-chatted another couple of minutes. I told him I really needed to get home and he said, "I don't see a ring on your finger . . . . " I was thinking, "I know where this is going and I've been burned one too many times to let a good-looking smooth-talking guy get to me again". I said, "Nope, you don't see a ring on my finger". He said, "I can't believe someone hasn't swooped you up and put a ring on your finger!" I was thinking, "Oh, you're really smooth, just like every other guy on the planet". He went on to tell me he'd really like to take me out sometime, "just to catch up". I told him I was really busy and didn't have time for a social life. He said, "Can I just call you sometime?" I was thinking, "You're a persistent character". But then, I let my guard down and looked at him again - Those brown eyes of his looked so innocent. He reminded me of a puppy dog who just needed a friend to talk to. So, I said, "Okay, call me".
Well, he called. We went out. What was I thinking on that first date? I was thinking, "I can't believe I feel so comfortable and so relaxed, but I can't let my guard down. He's a guy and guys cannot be trusted". The date ended. I went home and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I enjoyed spending that evening with Buddy. I hadn't had that much fun in a very long time. He made me laugh. I hadn't really laughed in probably two years. For a couple of hours, Buddy had taken me away from my reality. That night, as I held my baby girl, I thought, "What am I thinking?" I didn't even know if he'd been home from the Navy long enough to hear about me having a baby. I assumed he hadn't or he would've never called me in the first place. As I watched my baby sleeping, I thought, "If he does call me again, I'll tell him and that'll be the end of that." Not only could I not imagine a guy who was raised in a Christian home with strong morals being seriously interested in an unwed mother who had disgraced her family and whose future was completely up in the air, but I also would not allow myself to even consider that he would still be interested if he knew about the mess I'd made of my life. I had to protect myself from being hurt again and I was just going to nip it in the bud before it had a chance to go any further. I was convinced that once he found out about my baby, I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore anyway: It would end before it ever started.
The next afternoon while I was at work, Buddy came by to see me. My heart dropped. I was beginning to like him and I knew nothing could ever come of it and I had to end it right then. Buddy was in-between his two jobs at Soundcraft and Kroger and said he'd just wanted to pop in and see me for a minute. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. He was telling me about a bluegrass festival he wanted to take me to the next evening, when I blurted out, "I have a baby!". Well, you could've heard a pin drop . . . . complete quiet for what seemed like 20 minutes. He obviously hadn't heard about this and was caught completely off guard. As I watched Buddy mulling this surprising news over, my nervousness and feeling of heaviness began to transform into acceptance. I was thinking, "This is exactly what I expected and it's okay. I can go back to life as usual before that day in Kroger when I literally ran into Buddy". That way of thinking had become my "comfort zone" and I was ready to dig into that frame of mind again, once and for all.
After an eternity of silence, Buddy looked at me and said, "Boy or girl?" I was thinking, "This I can talk about, my baby girl. We can have a little conversation about her and I'll help him bow out of this gracefully without making him feel like a jerk".
We talked about my little Kristi and I told him how she'd just had her first birthday. We'd talk a minute and then Buddy would start thinking again . . . . quietly pondering things over. I told him I appreciated him coming by, but I really had to get back to work and thanks again for the movie the night before. I was thinking, "It should be easy now for him to make a quick exit and get out of this obviously awkward situation". But, as I turned to go back into the office, he said, "Hey, wait a minute . . . . when can I meet Kristi?" I can still see him standing there, looking at me with those puppy dog eyes and that big ole grin on his face. And that was the moment my broken heart began to mend. I knew I had to let go of the past and not judge every guy by the selfishness of one. I didn't know where this path would lead, but I couldn't keep shutting myself off from the world like I'd been doing. I had a feeling there was something different about Buddy Martin, and I had to give him the benefit of the doubt or I might regret it for the rest of my life.
That very next day, Buddy was to meet Kristi. I was thinking, "This will be the ultimate test, how he and Kristi react to one another". Buddy walked in and I introduced him to Kristi. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. I knew this had to be very awkward for him, but he didn't seem to be uncomfortable at all. And what happened next mended another huge part of my heart . . . . Kristi actually threw up her little arms wanting Buddy to pick her up! It was as if she'd known him from the beginning. He wasn't a stranger to her at all. It was unbelievable and I couldn't hold my tears back. I was thinking, "What just happened?" Buddy stayed for hours and played with Kristi. They bonded immediately. I remember watching them together and sometimes they would just stare at each other, with expressions of adoration on both their faces. I remember thinking, "What's going to be the outcome of this?"
We were inseparable from that day forward. A few months fled by. It became apparent to me that Buddy's family had great affection for Kristi as well. Buddy's dad and Kristi had a strong bond very quickly. He adored her and she obviously loved him. Mr. Martin put another patch on my heart the first time he referred to himself as "Kristi's Pappa". I remember thinking, "I don't know how this chapter in my life is going to end, but I'll always love this Martin family!"
On a sunny day in September, Buddy and I were watching Kristi play in her sandbox. He was unusually quiet. I felt the feelings of insecurity try to creep back in. I was just about to pull out my mask of strength and independence that I had hidden away a couple of months previously, when Buddy looked at me very seriously . . . . this time without the big grin. I was thinking, "Oh boy, here we go. Where'd his smile go? . . . He's always smiling . . . This can't be good. Time to toughen up and take the blow." He said, "You know, Kristi needs a daddy". This caught me by surprise and I said, in a defensive tone, "Welllll, a daddy for Kristi would be nice, but why would you say something like that?" I had my guard back up and I was ready for anything he was going to dish out. I was thinking, "He's probably heard the gossip from the busy bodies in the area who have nothing better to do than make up more outlandish rumors about the latest community scandal (me) and he's deciding to back off from this soap opera that is my life". I was preparing to conjure up the "tough / who needs you" attitude, when these words came out of Buddy's mouth: "I want to be her dad". . . . .
. . . . . . complete silence for a couple of minutes. I was thinking, "Huh?" So .... I said, "Huh????" He looked at me and stood up. I looked at him and I stood up. He looked at Kristi. I looked at Kristi. We looked at each other and I saw he had tears in his eyes. He took my hands in his and said, "I love you. I love Kristi. I want to marry you and be Kristi's dad". At that second, my heart was whole again. At that second, I began completely trusting again. At that second, I was thinking, "Is this really real?". I could not believe my ears and I think I was probably in a bit of shock. We had previously expressed that we cared about one another, but I hadn't dared allow myself to even consider the thought of marriage. I was completely swept off my feet by this sweet, heartfelt, warm proposal. Through my tears, I replied, "You'll be an awesome daddy to Kristi".
On November 10, 1979, I married the best friend I'd ever had. We stood before friends and family and made a vow to each other to love, honor, and cherish one another, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I'm not going to try to paint a picture of a perfect marriage. Ours has not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We've had lots of ups and downs over the past 31 years. We both had lots of adjustments to make, especially those first few years. We've both made mistakes. We are both very headstrong and can be extremely stubborn. We both had to learn to make compromises in lots of areas. He still drives me absolutely crazy sometimes when we disagree, and I'm sure he'd say the same thing about me. We've had some really frustrating arguments and there have been times I just wanted to throw up my hands. But, when it's all said and done, I always knew that God put us together and there's no one else in this world I'd rather have by my side.
To summarize, I'll just put it this way:
What was I thinking when Buddy placed this gold ring on my finger 31 years ago? I was thinking, "What did I ever do to deserve a man like this? Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus".
What am I thinking now, 31 years later? I'm thinking, "What did I ever do to deserve such a devoted, caring, hardworking, dedicated husband. Why did God bless me by sending Buddy my way and giving us two more awesome kids on top of that!?"
This I know: Buddy Martin has been my "knight in shining armor" for the past 31 years. Maybe that sounds "corny" to some people and that's okay. It might be a little corny, but it's exactly how I feel. That day in Kroger when he first started flirting with me and asked me if he could call me, I thought I caught a gleam of sincerity in his beautiful brown eyes. I'm so glad something deep in my heart let me know I should take a chance. Buddy has stood by my side, unflinchingly, for all these years. He has been my protector, my defender, my most trusted confidant, my encourager, my friend. So, no matter how corny it may sound, I'm going to keep saying it! When I look at Buddy Martin, I see a strong, handsome prince on a white horse who I know, without a doubt, will always be here for me and our family.
I've made the mistake of taking my Buddy for granted at times, but I always recall how it was before Buddy was in my life and how much he shows his love for me and for our family on a daily basis . . . . and I ask myself, "Seriously, what am I thinking?"
Susan Trafford Martin
November 4, 2010
-------- Fast forward a few years, June 1979: The previous two years had been extremely life-changing for me. A two-year relationship had ended badly. As a naive young girl, I'd given into temptation and had become pregnant. The one who had pledged his devotion to me and had told me for two years how much he loved me had shown his true colors when I told him about the baby. A few weeks afterwards, his mom called me and was very upset. He was gone. She'd just found out he had joined the Navy and he had left that morning. He'd kept this a secret for weeks. I had quit college, gotten a full-time job, and was planning for our life together. I had a furnished apartment and was preparing to get married soon. To hear this news from his mom felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I was devastated. What was I thinking? Initially, I was thinking, "My life is over. I have no future". Once I finally grasped what had happened, I knew I had to change my way of thinking. My new way of thinking: "This is the bed I've made. Now I've got to lie in it. I have to focus on my baby, my innocent baby who didn't ask for this". I remember very clearly the day I determined in my mind that I would never allow myself to be hurt like this again. I would be a single mom the rest of my life and that's just the way it was. I'd just take it one day at a time and jump the hurdles of life as they presented themselves in the future. And, even though I was barely 18 years old, I knew I had many hardships ahead of me, because of the bad choices I'd made. I couldn't go through my life blaming someone else. I had to take responsibility for my own future and take care of my baby the best I could. The plans I'd made for myself had been squashed. I'd always planned to become a teacher, but I had no choice except to quit college and start working full-time. It was no longer just about me and my plans for myself. I had a baby to think about now. . . . Months went by. I had a baby girl and I was taking it one day at a time. . .
......My baby girl, Kristi Elise, had just turned one year old. I rushed to Kroger after work, anxious to get home and spend time with her. I was fumbling through my purse as I walked in the door and bumped into someone. As I was apologizing, I looked up and saw it was Buddy Martin - with that contagious smile of his. I was thinking, "Where the heck has he been all of these years?" So . . . . I asked, "Where the heck have you been all of these years?" He told me about being in the Navy for four years and he'd just gotten back home. We chit-chatted for a couple of minutes. I told him I was in a hurry, but it was good to see him. I made my purchases and as I was putting my things in the car, a blue Chevy pulled up beside me and someone said, "Hey, Susan!" It was Buddy, grinning from ear to ear. He said, "I was just curious where you work because you're wearing that lab coat". I told him and we chit-chatted another couple of minutes. I told him I really needed to get home and he said, "I don't see a ring on your finger . . . . " I was thinking, "I know where this is going and I've been burned one too many times to let a good-looking smooth-talking guy get to me again". I said, "Nope, you don't see a ring on my finger". He said, "I can't believe someone hasn't swooped you up and put a ring on your finger!" I was thinking, "Oh, you're really smooth, just like every other guy on the planet". He went on to tell me he'd really like to take me out sometime, "just to catch up". I told him I was really busy and didn't have time for a social life. He said, "Can I just call you sometime?" I was thinking, "You're a persistent character". But then, I let my guard down and looked at him again - Those brown eyes of his looked so innocent. He reminded me of a puppy dog who just needed a friend to talk to. So, I said, "Okay, call me".
Well, he called. We went out. What was I thinking on that first date? I was thinking, "I can't believe I feel so comfortable and so relaxed, but I can't let my guard down. He's a guy and guys cannot be trusted". The date ended. I went home and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I enjoyed spending that evening with Buddy. I hadn't had that much fun in a very long time. He made me laugh. I hadn't really laughed in probably two years. For a couple of hours, Buddy had taken me away from my reality. That night, as I held my baby girl, I thought, "What am I thinking?" I didn't even know if he'd been home from the Navy long enough to hear about me having a baby. I assumed he hadn't or he would've never called me in the first place. As I watched my baby sleeping, I thought, "If he does call me again, I'll tell him and that'll be the end of that." Not only could I not imagine a guy who was raised in a Christian home with strong morals being seriously interested in an unwed mother who had disgraced her family and whose future was completely up in the air, but I also would not allow myself to even consider that he would still be interested if he knew about the mess I'd made of my life. I had to protect myself from being hurt again and I was just going to nip it in the bud before it had a chance to go any further. I was convinced that once he found out about my baby, I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore anyway: It would end before it ever started.
The next afternoon while I was at work, Buddy came by to see me. My heart dropped. I was beginning to like him and I knew nothing could ever come of it and I had to end it right then. Buddy was in-between his two jobs at Soundcraft and Kroger and said he'd just wanted to pop in and see me for a minute. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. He was telling me about a bluegrass festival he wanted to take me to the next evening, when I blurted out, "I have a baby!". Well, you could've heard a pin drop . . . . complete quiet for what seemed like 20 minutes. He obviously hadn't heard about this and was caught completely off guard. As I watched Buddy mulling this surprising news over, my nervousness and feeling of heaviness began to transform into acceptance. I was thinking, "This is exactly what I expected and it's okay. I can go back to life as usual before that day in Kroger when I literally ran into Buddy". That way of thinking had become my "comfort zone" and I was ready to dig into that frame of mind again, once and for all.
After an eternity of silence, Buddy looked at me and said, "Boy or girl?" I was thinking, "This I can talk about, my baby girl. We can have a little conversation about her and I'll help him bow out of this gracefully without making him feel like a jerk".
We talked about my little Kristi and I told him how she'd just had her first birthday. We'd talk a minute and then Buddy would start thinking again . . . . quietly pondering things over. I told him I appreciated him coming by, but I really had to get back to work and thanks again for the movie the night before. I was thinking, "It should be easy now for him to make a quick exit and get out of this obviously awkward situation". But, as I turned to go back into the office, he said, "Hey, wait a minute . . . . when can I meet Kristi?" I can still see him standing there, looking at me with those puppy dog eyes and that big ole grin on his face. And that was the moment my broken heart began to mend. I knew I had to let go of the past and not judge every guy by the selfishness of one. I didn't know where this path would lead, but I couldn't keep shutting myself off from the world like I'd been doing. I had a feeling there was something different about Buddy Martin, and I had to give him the benefit of the doubt or I might regret it for the rest of my life.
That very next day, Buddy was to meet Kristi. I was thinking, "This will be the ultimate test, how he and Kristi react to one another". Buddy walked in and I introduced him to Kristi. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. I knew this had to be very awkward for him, but he didn't seem to be uncomfortable at all. And what happened next mended another huge part of my heart . . . . Kristi actually threw up her little arms wanting Buddy to pick her up! It was as if she'd known him from the beginning. He wasn't a stranger to her at all. It was unbelievable and I couldn't hold my tears back. I was thinking, "What just happened?" Buddy stayed for hours and played with Kristi. They bonded immediately. I remember watching them together and sometimes they would just stare at each other, with expressions of adoration on both their faces. I remember thinking, "What's going to be the outcome of this?"
We were inseparable from that day forward. A few months fled by. It became apparent to me that Buddy's family had great affection for Kristi as well. Buddy's dad and Kristi had a strong bond very quickly. He adored her and she obviously loved him. Mr. Martin put another patch on my heart the first time he referred to himself as "Kristi's Pappa". I remember thinking, "I don't know how this chapter in my life is going to end, but I'll always love this Martin family!"
On a sunny day in September, Buddy and I were watching Kristi play in her sandbox. He was unusually quiet. I felt the feelings of insecurity try to creep back in. I was just about to pull out my mask of strength and independence that I had hidden away a couple of months previously, when Buddy looked at me very seriously . . . . this time without the big grin. I was thinking, "Oh boy, here we go. Where'd his smile go? . . . He's always smiling . . . This can't be good. Time to toughen up and take the blow." He said, "You know, Kristi needs a daddy". This caught me by surprise and I said, in a defensive tone, "Welllll, a daddy for Kristi would be nice, but why would you say something like that?" I had my guard back up and I was ready for anything he was going to dish out. I was thinking, "He's probably heard the gossip from the busy bodies in the area who have nothing better to do than make up more outlandish rumors about the latest community scandal (me) and he's deciding to back off from this soap opera that is my life". I was preparing to conjure up the "tough / who needs you" attitude, when these words came out of Buddy's mouth: "I want to be her dad". . . . .
. . . . . . complete silence for a couple of minutes. I was thinking, "Huh?" So .... I said, "Huh????" He looked at me and stood up. I looked at him and I stood up. He looked at Kristi. I looked at Kristi. We looked at each other and I saw he had tears in his eyes. He took my hands in his and said, "I love you. I love Kristi. I want to marry you and be Kristi's dad". At that second, my heart was whole again. At that second, I began completely trusting again. At that second, I was thinking, "Is this really real?". I could not believe my ears and I think I was probably in a bit of shock. We had previously expressed that we cared about one another, but I hadn't dared allow myself to even consider the thought of marriage. I was completely swept off my feet by this sweet, heartfelt, warm proposal. Through my tears, I replied, "You'll be an awesome daddy to Kristi".
On November 10, 1979, I married the best friend I'd ever had. We stood before friends and family and made a vow to each other to love, honor, and cherish one another, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I'm not going to try to paint a picture of a perfect marriage. Ours has not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We've had lots of ups and downs over the past 31 years. We both had lots of adjustments to make, especially those first few years. We've both made mistakes. We are both very headstrong and can be extremely stubborn. We both had to learn to make compromises in lots of areas. He still drives me absolutely crazy sometimes when we disagree, and I'm sure he'd say the same thing about me. We've had some really frustrating arguments and there have been times I just wanted to throw up my hands. But, when it's all said and done, I always knew that God put us together and there's no one else in this world I'd rather have by my side.
To summarize, I'll just put it this way:
What was I thinking when Buddy placed this gold ring on my finger 31 years ago? I was thinking, "What did I ever do to deserve a man like this? Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus".
What am I thinking now, 31 years later? I'm thinking, "What did I ever do to deserve such a devoted, caring, hardworking, dedicated husband. Why did God bless me by sending Buddy my way and giving us two more awesome kids on top of that!?"
This I know: Buddy Martin has been my "knight in shining armor" for the past 31 years. Maybe that sounds "corny" to some people and that's okay. It might be a little corny, but it's exactly how I feel. That day in Kroger when he first started flirting with me and asked me if he could call me, I thought I caught a gleam of sincerity in his beautiful brown eyes. I'm so glad something deep in my heart let me know I should take a chance. Buddy has stood by my side, unflinchingly, for all these years. He has been my protector, my defender, my most trusted confidant, my encourager, my friend. So, no matter how corny it may sound, I'm going to keep saying it! When I look at Buddy Martin, I see a strong, handsome prince on a white horse who I know, without a doubt, will always be here for me and our family.
I've made the mistake of taking my Buddy for granted at times, but I always recall how it was before Buddy was in my life and how much he shows his love for me and for our family on a daily basis . . . . and I ask myself, "Seriously, what am I thinking?"
Susan Trafford Martin
November 4, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Life of Bread
"The Life of Bread"
On this cool autumn morning, as the coffee was brewing and filling the kitchen with my favorite aroma, I decided a slice of buttered toast with strawberry jam would be quite tasty. I had the jam, I had the butter. I just needed bread. My mouth was already watering in anticipation of this sweet treat, such a welcome change from my usual granola bar. I found part of a loaf of bread tucked away behind the cereal boxes in the cabinet. When I opened the bag and looked inside, what I saw didn't resemble anything edible. It looked like a green and black fuzzy creature that could sprout legs and run at any second. So much for the toast and jam idea - another granola bar morning for me.
Such is the life of bread. It sure tastes good . . . when it's fresh. It's very satisfying and very filling . . . for a little while, but you eventually get hungry again and want more. However, a diet that consists of bread alone 24/7 very quickly becomes very unsatisfying and loses its appeal. After a daily diet of bread for awhile, you'd become pretty bored with this one food to satisfy your palate. If you keep it around for too long, it becomes green and moldy and disgusting. What used to taste so good to you no longer gives you pleasure. So, you search for another food to tickle your taste buds. You indulge in that food for awhile, consuming it 24/7, and it too becomes insatiable and uninteresting. The pattern continues. You move from one food to another, searching for palatable pleasure.
There are so many people who are searching for the "perfect food" to satiate their emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual desires. However, most are looking in the wrong places and continually end up feeling empty and dissatisfied. Their quest for pleasure usually begins in a seemingly harmless manner: a teenager attending a party and having his first cigarette or alcoholic drink; a married woman having a private lunch with her male coworker to discuss his marital problems; a man at his computer deciding to take a quick peak at the pop-up ad simply out of "curiosity"; a mom feeling overwhelmed with the demands of her daily routine and accepting an invitation to a nightclub with friends to "unwind"; a young lady deciding to go "just a little bit further" in her relationship with her boyfriend. The list could go on and on . . .
These ingredients are all just the beginnings of very messy recipes for unsavory lives of staleness and bitterness and dissatisfaction. Just as one spore of mold can cover an entire loaf of bread in only three days, sin can quickly get completely out of hand and consume a person before they realize what has happened. One experimental course is never enough. There's always a need for something more tangy or more tart to satisfy your desensitized senses. Just a hint of this, a smidgen of that, a pinch here, a sprinkle there - Making your own recipe for life will ultimately result in slop not fit for human consumption.
If you're experiencing an insatiable appetite for pleasure and worldly "stuff" but can never feel satisfied with what the world has to offer, I want to introduce you to the Bread of Life - the exact opposite of the "life of bread". Jesus Christ refers to Himself as the Bread of Life many times in the Bible. He has promised that whoever eats of this Bread will live forever. If you'll just ask Him, He'll come into your heart and become a part of you, providing continuous nourishment and satisfaction for your mind, soul, and body.
The "life of bread" is a very unhealthy, insufficient, short-lived, and frustrating existence, always leaving you hungry and unsatisfied. The Bread of Life provides complete satisfaction, in this life and the next, and will sustain you with fulfillment in all aspects of your life. All you have to do is ask to be fed. There's an ample supply!
Susan Martin
November 1, 2010
On this cool autumn morning, as the coffee was brewing and filling the kitchen with my favorite aroma, I decided a slice of buttered toast with strawberry jam would be quite tasty. I had the jam, I had the butter. I just needed bread. My mouth was already watering in anticipation of this sweet treat, such a welcome change from my usual granola bar. I found part of a loaf of bread tucked away behind the cereal boxes in the cabinet. When I opened the bag and looked inside, what I saw didn't resemble anything edible. It looked like a green and black fuzzy creature that could sprout legs and run at any second. So much for the toast and jam idea - another granola bar morning for me.
Such is the life of bread. It sure tastes good . . . when it's fresh. It's very satisfying and very filling . . . for a little while, but you eventually get hungry again and want more. However, a diet that consists of bread alone 24/7 very quickly becomes very unsatisfying and loses its appeal. After a daily diet of bread for awhile, you'd become pretty bored with this one food to satisfy your palate. If you keep it around for too long, it becomes green and moldy and disgusting. What used to taste so good to you no longer gives you pleasure. So, you search for another food to tickle your taste buds. You indulge in that food for awhile, consuming it 24/7, and it too becomes insatiable and uninteresting. The pattern continues. You move from one food to another, searching for palatable pleasure.
There are so many people who are searching for the "perfect food" to satiate their emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual desires. However, most are looking in the wrong places and continually end up feeling empty and dissatisfied. Their quest for pleasure usually begins in a seemingly harmless manner: a teenager attending a party and having his first cigarette or alcoholic drink; a married woman having a private lunch with her male coworker to discuss his marital problems; a man at his computer deciding to take a quick peak at the pop-up ad simply out of "curiosity"; a mom feeling overwhelmed with the demands of her daily routine and accepting an invitation to a nightclub with friends to "unwind"; a young lady deciding to go "just a little bit further" in her relationship with her boyfriend. The list could go on and on . . .
These ingredients are all just the beginnings of very messy recipes for unsavory lives of staleness and bitterness and dissatisfaction. Just as one spore of mold can cover an entire loaf of bread in only three days, sin can quickly get completely out of hand and consume a person before they realize what has happened. One experimental course is never enough. There's always a need for something more tangy or more tart to satisfy your desensitized senses. Just a hint of this, a smidgen of that, a pinch here, a sprinkle there - Making your own recipe for life will ultimately result in slop not fit for human consumption.
If you're experiencing an insatiable appetite for pleasure and worldly "stuff" but can never feel satisfied with what the world has to offer, I want to introduce you to the Bread of Life - the exact opposite of the "life of bread". Jesus Christ refers to Himself as the Bread of Life many times in the Bible. He has promised that whoever eats of this Bread will live forever. If you'll just ask Him, He'll come into your heart and become a part of you, providing continuous nourishment and satisfaction for your mind, soul, and body.
The "life of bread" is a very unhealthy, insufficient, short-lived, and frustrating existence, always leaving you hungry and unsatisfied. The Bread of Life provides complete satisfaction, in this life and the next, and will sustain you with fulfillment in all aspects of your life. All you have to do is ask to be fed. There's an ample supply!
Susan Martin
November 1, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Rain
Rain
Ahhhhh . . . . rain. It's so relaxing to listen to the pitter patter of a steady rain and smell the sweet aroma that arises from the dry, scorched, thirsty ground as the hard dirt begins to soften from the moisture. The brittle, parched grass seems to "green up" right before my eyes. The plants in the flower beds slowly begin to lift their weary heads as the raindrops fall. As the rain is washing the plants clean, their leaves begin to start reaching upwards as if rejoicing and welcoming the much-needed rain with open arms, drinking in its life-giving water.
Have you ever been in a spiritual drought? I have . . . and I will never allow myself to experience that again - ever! There were several "issues" that contributed to my spiritual drought. Ultimately, I allowed my disappointments and heartaches to pull me away from my relationship with God. God didn't push me away, He didn't turn His back to me, and He certainly didn't "unsave" me. I pulled away from Him simply because I was overwhelmed with life. It seemed everything bombarded me at once during that time - family tragedy, church bickering, financial problems, health problems, etc. It seemed I'd get over one hurdle and another one was waiting. I was tired. I was angry. I was hurt. I became so tired, angry, and hurt that I no longer had the energy or the desire to talk to God. I merely woke up every morning and trudged through the motions of living my life. I continued attending church regularly, three times a week, like a "good Christian" should. (Only in body, not in spirit.) I wore that "everything is hunky dory" mask for months and months; but, in reality, my life was extremely off-balance. I was so out-of-sync with my Lord. If anyone could've peeled off my mask during that time, they would have revealed a very sad and downcast face, tears streaming. (Imagine the comedy/tragedy theater masks: That was me.) That was the condition of my heart. The outside portrayed a person who had it "all together", a person who knew how to deal with the hard knocks of life like a pro. Eventually, however, I could no longer hide my inward pain and my disconnect from God. Bitterness and pessimism began to outwardly make its appearance on my countenance, in my remarks, and in my attitudes. I had allowed personal issues and circumstances to overshadow my faith in the One who had only a few years previously snatched me from the tight grip of Satan and had showered me with Blessings of New Life. (Oh, how quickly we tend to forget.)
I remember vividly the day I ran back to God. He met me with open arms. It was almost like accepting Him for the first time. I lifted my head and felt spiritual raindrops from my Master and Creator begin to fall onto my face and soak into my heart. I raised my arms and began to praise God for the Life-Giving Flow that surged through my soul.
In the depths of my soul, I had been parched and thirsty like the moisture-deprived foliage during a long drought. I was quickly becoming hardened like the dry ground. Now my thirst was quenched and I was satisfied. His Touch was all I would ever need again, a huge lesson learned while in that spiritual desert. He's all I need. My heart, my attitude, my outlook had all been softened by the Master's Touch and the Rain from Heaven. No matter what life throws my way, I will continue to drink from that Bloodstained Fountain and bathe in the River of Life until the Giver of Life takes me home.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 26, 2010
Ahhhhh . . . . rain. It's so relaxing to listen to the pitter patter of a steady rain and smell the sweet aroma that arises from the dry, scorched, thirsty ground as the hard dirt begins to soften from the moisture. The brittle, parched grass seems to "green up" right before my eyes. The plants in the flower beds slowly begin to lift their weary heads as the raindrops fall. As the rain is washing the plants clean, their leaves begin to start reaching upwards as if rejoicing and welcoming the much-needed rain with open arms, drinking in its life-giving water.
Have you ever been in a spiritual drought? I have . . . and I will never allow myself to experience that again - ever! There were several "issues" that contributed to my spiritual drought. Ultimately, I allowed my disappointments and heartaches to pull me away from my relationship with God. God didn't push me away, He didn't turn His back to me, and He certainly didn't "unsave" me. I pulled away from Him simply because I was overwhelmed with life. It seemed everything bombarded me at once during that time - family tragedy, church bickering, financial problems, health problems, etc. It seemed I'd get over one hurdle and another one was waiting. I was tired. I was angry. I was hurt. I became so tired, angry, and hurt that I no longer had the energy or the desire to talk to God. I merely woke up every morning and trudged through the motions of living my life. I continued attending church regularly, three times a week, like a "good Christian" should. (Only in body, not in spirit.) I wore that "everything is hunky dory" mask for months and months; but, in reality, my life was extremely off-balance. I was so out-of-sync with my Lord. If anyone could've peeled off my mask during that time, they would have revealed a very sad and downcast face, tears streaming. (Imagine the comedy/tragedy theater masks: That was me.) That was the condition of my heart. The outside portrayed a person who had it "all together", a person who knew how to deal with the hard knocks of life like a pro. Eventually, however, I could no longer hide my inward pain and my disconnect from God. Bitterness and pessimism began to outwardly make its appearance on my countenance, in my remarks, and in my attitudes. I had allowed personal issues and circumstances to overshadow my faith in the One who had only a few years previously snatched me from the tight grip of Satan and had showered me with Blessings of New Life. (Oh, how quickly we tend to forget.)
I remember vividly the day I ran back to God. He met me with open arms. It was almost like accepting Him for the first time. I lifted my head and felt spiritual raindrops from my Master and Creator begin to fall onto my face and soak into my heart. I raised my arms and began to praise God for the Life-Giving Flow that surged through my soul.
In the depths of my soul, I had been parched and thirsty like the moisture-deprived foliage during a long drought. I was quickly becoming hardened like the dry ground. Now my thirst was quenched and I was satisfied. His Touch was all I would ever need again, a huge lesson learned while in that spiritual desert. He's all I need. My heart, my attitude, my outlook had all been softened by the Master's Touch and the Rain from Heaven. No matter what life throws my way, I will continue to drink from that Bloodstained Fountain and bathe in the River of Life until the Giver of Life takes me home.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 26, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Change Of Heart
I have recently learned a very interesting fact: The instant a baby is born, his heart works completely differently than before birth. Of course, I knew that a baby breathes differently at birth than he did while in his mother's womb: He gets his oxygen from the umbilical cord while in the womb and once the umbilical cord is severed, he takes his first breaths of air. However, I'd never actually considered that the heart actually changes at the moment of birth. When I began to research this, all kinds of similarities jumped out at me - similarities between the first birth and the Second Birth of humans. There are also many interesting comparisons to be made between a baby in the womb/a baby outside the womb and a newborn babe in Christ before and after taking the first breath of New Life.
Oh my, where to start . . . . the study of these facts about newborn babies literally take my breath away! Without going into all the technical medical facts, suffice it to say that I doubt that the similarities in the first birth and the Second Birth are a mere coincidence. This blog is my very feeble attempt at describing what I found to be both mind-blowing and very touching information about this subject.
The most exciting thing that stands out in my study of a newborn's reaction to the outside world, as mentioned at the beginning of this blog, is the fact that his heart changes drastically at the instant of birth. The blood flow in his tiny heart actually changes directions! Once the umbilical cord is cut, the baby no longer relies on his mother for oxygen - He takes his first gasp and breathes in his first breath of real air! There are so many things that happen to the baby's little body, especially in his heart and lungs, in his first few seconds of life outside of the womb. No longer is he dependent on the umbilical cord for oxygen and nutrients and life itself. He can no longer just float around in amniotic fluid, never getting hungry or thirsty and having to do absolutely nothing to maintain a healthy life. Once that umbilical cord is severed, what does he have to do right off the bat? He has to cry and drink in those first breaths of life outside of the womb. Also, he has to cry and let everyone know that he's hungry or he's wet or he has a tummy ache, etc. He has to put forth some effort now that he hadn't had to do before his mom went into labor. He actually has to work to ensure that he's fed on a regular basis and his needs are met, both physically and emotionally.
Another important fact regarding childbirth is that we all realize that a woman who is in labor and delivers a baby goes through a great deal of agonizing pain, some more than others depending on the circumstances. What a lot of people don't know is that childbirth is every bit as traumatic on the baby as it is on the mom, some more than others, again depending on the circumstances. I'm sure we've all seen a newborn baby whose head is misshapen immediately after birth. This is very common because the 7- or 8- or 9-pound baby had to travel down the birth canal before making his exit. It's also not uncommon for a newborn baby who has been delivered vaginally to have scratches or scrapes on his body from the use of forceps or other devices used to aid in bringing him into the world. There have even been babies born with broken clavicles from trauma during birth. Also, while in the womb, a baby's lungs are filled with a fluid that helps them mature. During labor, the fluid dries up and the baby has to start working to expand it's tiny lungs so he can breathe once he's born. Medical experts liken the process of a baby being gradually pushed through the birth canal to a feeling of being tightly squeezed similar to how your arm feels while your blood pressure is being taken. Can you imagine your entire body being squeezed like that? A baby in the process of being born usually twists and turns during labor to find the easiest way to squeeze through. As you can see, the birthing process is not only exhausting and very uncomfortable for the mother but for the baby as well.
Now let's turn the page and consider what happens when a person is born again. I'll begin, as I did with the baby's reaction to the outside world, with the newly-saved believer's reaction to his New Life. Just as a newborn baby literally has a "change of heart" at the moment of birth, so does a born-again Christian have a Change of Heart. A newborn's heart is changed physically, wherein a person who has just experienced the New Birth has a Change of Heart spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. The newborn baby's heart changes directions physically at birth and the newborn believer's heart changes directions spiritually at the moment of his Second Birth! The second a new believer relinquishes dependence on the world and all it has to offer, he becomes dependent on Jesus Christ for his spiritual and emotional needs - he becomes dependent on the Savior for life itself! He no longer has to depend on his past vices and addictions and passions and "stuff" for contentment and joy. Just as a newborn has to put forth some effort to cry and let his mother know he needs her, whether it be for food or cuddling, a believer in Christ has to work daily to ensure a close relationship to his Savior. We can't be uninvolved in our spiritual health, just sitting back and expecting to stay healthy without putting forth some effort on a daily basis, feeding on His Word and drinking from the River of Life, and crying out to God for His protection and safekeeping. God will not force-feed us. We have to let Him know we want to be fed. He will never disown us, but He also will never force His blessings and comfort on us.
Now to address the trauma that a person goes through before the moment of salvation. Even if a person is saved at a young age, he still has to first feel the sadness and discontentment and shame of conviction and realize that he is a sinner who needs a Savior. That's the point at which a person has reached the age of accountability, when he realizes he is lost and he needs God's forgiveness for his sins. Conviction is a terrible thing to experience. All of us have felt it at some point in our lives or will at some point in the future. Those of us who are saved still experience conviction when we sin. Most of us want to drown that feeling by pushing it to the back of our minds and hearts. We try to replace those overwhelming waves of conviction with something else so we don't have to face up to our shortcomings. That's the natural human reaction to feelings of conviction. We do whatever we have to do to avoid that awful feeling. We don't want to admit we've messed up and we certainly don't want to admit to anyone else that we're depraved sinners, not even to God Himself who knows us better than we know ourselves.
I'm going to address this part of the blog to my personal experience in regards to the trauma felt before I breathed that first breath of New Life. Much like a growing baby in the womb, I'd been spending day after day just floating around and not worrying about my life. I didn't have to waste a second of time worrying about where my next meal was coming from or if I was going to have enough oxygen to survive, etc. I was doing pretty much what I wanted to do. As I began to grow and got older however, I began to feel the pressure of labor on my body - the strong conviction of the Holy Spirit's labor. I'd felt the pressure of labor many times before, but I stubbornly pushed back and refused what was being offered. One day, I felt the pangs so intensely - I was fighting so hard to stay in my usual place, the place I was familiar with and the life I was used to. I was scared, very scared. My heart was racing and I thought it would come out through my chest. I could hear my heart pounding in my head. My body felt compressed and I couldn't breathe. It was at that moment, when I actually couldn't get in a deep breath . . . . I stopped fighting. I relinquished my life and my soul to my Creator. And let me tell you about that first Breath of Life!!!! I'd never felt so clean and so rejuvenated! It was exhilarating! It was at that moment I truly began to live, outside of the "womb" that was keeping me confined in sin. I was no longer drowning in loneliness and sadness or being choked by the pressure of my failures and sins. I was free from dependence on the world and captured by the joy of dependence on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I admit I still carry some physical scars and old wounds from the trauma of my past life and the long labor I had to endure because of my selfish defiance and stubbornness, but I am a new person. I still sometimes feel like I'm a new baby in Christ because I still mess up and I still have so much to learn, but I have a strong desire to grow and eventually become a mature Christian - the person my God wants me to be.
God changed my heart physically the moment I was born in 1959, but I thank Him for the most important Change of Heart that evening in 1979. I pray that those reading this who don't know what that Change of Heart is like won't be as stubborn and defiant as I was all those years. I thank God every day that He was so patient with me and continued to send the Holy Spirit to convict me until I was so miserable I had nowhere else to turn. Thank God for his convicting power! I know He would not have forced salvation on me. We are, after all, free spirits and not puppets on strings. He gives us a choice, accept Him or deny Him. I have no doubt that would've been my last chance that evening in 1979 to accept Him. He'd given me so many chances before that and I continued time after time to turn my back and refuse to listen to Him. Thank God I had so many awful things to endure that finally convinced me that I was going to die without Him. Sometimes babies in the womb are stubborn too. They refuse to be born and doctors have no choice but to use forceps to deliver a baby via cesarean section. However, God won't do that. He doesn't force anything on us. He's given us the gift of a free will. It's up to us. We can choose to stay in the birth canal because we're just too stubborn and self sufficient and end up being crushed to death by the pressures of sin. Please choose the Breath of Life . . . . and have a real Change of Heart.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 22, 2010
Oh my, where to start . . . . the study of these facts about newborn babies literally take my breath away! Without going into all the technical medical facts, suffice it to say that I doubt that the similarities in the first birth and the Second Birth are a mere coincidence. This blog is my very feeble attempt at describing what I found to be both mind-blowing and very touching information about this subject.
The most exciting thing that stands out in my study of a newborn's reaction to the outside world, as mentioned at the beginning of this blog, is the fact that his heart changes drastically at the instant of birth. The blood flow in his tiny heart actually changes directions! Once the umbilical cord is cut, the baby no longer relies on his mother for oxygen - He takes his first gasp and breathes in his first breath of real air! There are so many things that happen to the baby's little body, especially in his heart and lungs, in his first few seconds of life outside of the womb. No longer is he dependent on the umbilical cord for oxygen and nutrients and life itself. He can no longer just float around in amniotic fluid, never getting hungry or thirsty and having to do absolutely nothing to maintain a healthy life. Once that umbilical cord is severed, what does he have to do right off the bat? He has to cry and drink in those first breaths of life outside of the womb. Also, he has to cry and let everyone know that he's hungry or he's wet or he has a tummy ache, etc. He has to put forth some effort now that he hadn't had to do before his mom went into labor. He actually has to work to ensure that he's fed on a regular basis and his needs are met, both physically and emotionally.
Another important fact regarding childbirth is that we all realize that a woman who is in labor and delivers a baby goes through a great deal of agonizing pain, some more than others depending on the circumstances. What a lot of people don't know is that childbirth is every bit as traumatic on the baby as it is on the mom, some more than others, again depending on the circumstances. I'm sure we've all seen a newborn baby whose head is misshapen immediately after birth. This is very common because the 7- or 8- or 9-pound baby had to travel down the birth canal before making his exit. It's also not uncommon for a newborn baby who has been delivered vaginally to have scratches or scrapes on his body from the use of forceps or other devices used to aid in bringing him into the world. There have even been babies born with broken clavicles from trauma during birth. Also, while in the womb, a baby's lungs are filled with a fluid that helps them mature. During labor, the fluid dries up and the baby has to start working to expand it's tiny lungs so he can breathe once he's born. Medical experts liken the process of a baby being gradually pushed through the birth canal to a feeling of being tightly squeezed similar to how your arm feels while your blood pressure is being taken. Can you imagine your entire body being squeezed like that? A baby in the process of being born usually twists and turns during labor to find the easiest way to squeeze through. As you can see, the birthing process is not only exhausting and very uncomfortable for the mother but for the baby as well.
Now let's turn the page and consider what happens when a person is born again. I'll begin, as I did with the baby's reaction to the outside world, with the newly-saved believer's reaction to his New Life. Just as a newborn baby literally has a "change of heart" at the moment of birth, so does a born-again Christian have a Change of Heart. A newborn's heart is changed physically, wherein a person who has just experienced the New Birth has a Change of Heart spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. The newborn baby's heart changes directions physically at birth and the newborn believer's heart changes directions spiritually at the moment of his Second Birth! The second a new believer relinquishes dependence on the world and all it has to offer, he becomes dependent on Jesus Christ for his spiritual and emotional needs - he becomes dependent on the Savior for life itself! He no longer has to depend on his past vices and addictions and passions and "stuff" for contentment and joy. Just as a newborn has to put forth some effort to cry and let his mother know he needs her, whether it be for food or cuddling, a believer in Christ has to work daily to ensure a close relationship to his Savior. We can't be uninvolved in our spiritual health, just sitting back and expecting to stay healthy without putting forth some effort on a daily basis, feeding on His Word and drinking from the River of Life, and crying out to God for His protection and safekeeping. God will not force-feed us. We have to let Him know we want to be fed. He will never disown us, but He also will never force His blessings and comfort on us.
Now to address the trauma that a person goes through before the moment of salvation. Even if a person is saved at a young age, he still has to first feel the sadness and discontentment and shame of conviction and realize that he is a sinner who needs a Savior. That's the point at which a person has reached the age of accountability, when he realizes he is lost and he needs God's forgiveness for his sins. Conviction is a terrible thing to experience. All of us have felt it at some point in our lives or will at some point in the future. Those of us who are saved still experience conviction when we sin. Most of us want to drown that feeling by pushing it to the back of our minds and hearts. We try to replace those overwhelming waves of conviction with something else so we don't have to face up to our shortcomings. That's the natural human reaction to feelings of conviction. We do whatever we have to do to avoid that awful feeling. We don't want to admit we've messed up and we certainly don't want to admit to anyone else that we're depraved sinners, not even to God Himself who knows us better than we know ourselves.
I'm going to address this part of the blog to my personal experience in regards to the trauma felt before I breathed that first breath of New Life. Much like a growing baby in the womb, I'd been spending day after day just floating around and not worrying about my life. I didn't have to waste a second of time worrying about where my next meal was coming from or if I was going to have enough oxygen to survive, etc. I was doing pretty much what I wanted to do. As I began to grow and got older however, I began to feel the pressure of labor on my body - the strong conviction of the Holy Spirit's labor. I'd felt the pressure of labor many times before, but I stubbornly pushed back and refused what was being offered. One day, I felt the pangs so intensely - I was fighting so hard to stay in my usual place, the place I was familiar with and the life I was used to. I was scared, very scared. My heart was racing and I thought it would come out through my chest. I could hear my heart pounding in my head. My body felt compressed and I couldn't breathe. It was at that moment, when I actually couldn't get in a deep breath . . . . I stopped fighting. I relinquished my life and my soul to my Creator. And let me tell you about that first Breath of Life!!!! I'd never felt so clean and so rejuvenated! It was exhilarating! It was at that moment I truly began to live, outside of the "womb" that was keeping me confined in sin. I was no longer drowning in loneliness and sadness or being choked by the pressure of my failures and sins. I was free from dependence on the world and captured by the joy of dependence on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I admit I still carry some physical scars and old wounds from the trauma of my past life and the long labor I had to endure because of my selfish defiance and stubbornness, but I am a new person. I still sometimes feel like I'm a new baby in Christ because I still mess up and I still have so much to learn, but I have a strong desire to grow and eventually become a mature Christian - the person my God wants me to be.
God changed my heart physically the moment I was born in 1959, but I thank Him for the most important Change of Heart that evening in 1979. I pray that those reading this who don't know what that Change of Heart is like won't be as stubborn and defiant as I was all those years. I thank God every day that He was so patient with me and continued to send the Holy Spirit to convict me until I was so miserable I had nowhere else to turn. Thank God for his convicting power! I know He would not have forced salvation on me. We are, after all, free spirits and not puppets on strings. He gives us a choice, accept Him or deny Him. I have no doubt that would've been my last chance that evening in 1979 to accept Him. He'd given me so many chances before that and I continued time after time to turn my back and refuse to listen to Him. Thank God I had so many awful things to endure that finally convinced me that I was going to die without Him. Sometimes babies in the womb are stubborn too. They refuse to be born and doctors have no choice but to use forceps to deliver a baby via cesarean section. However, God won't do that. He doesn't force anything on us. He's given us the gift of a free will. It's up to us. We can choose to stay in the birth canal because we're just too stubborn and self sufficient and end up being crushed to death by the pressures of sin. Please choose the Breath of Life . . . . and have a real Change of Heart.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 22, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
What I Know . . . .
What I know
I'm not a scholar. I never even completed college. There are a lot of things I don't know. However, I do know the most important things that anybody could ever know.
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is real. I know He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die a brutal death to cover my sins. I know Jesus saved me from everlasting punishment for those sins and He is with me every second of every day.
I know my life would be vastly different had I not accepted Jesus as my Savior. I know without Him I would not have the promise of a home in Heaven. I know because of what He did for me, I'll see Him face to face and He'll give me a big hug some day. I know I'll see my mother again, as well as all of the other friends and family members who have died knowing Christ as their Savior.
I know Jesus gives me peace that surpasses anything that anyone else can provide. I know what it really means to be free. I know what it means to have total peace in my soul, even in times of heartache and trouble. I know when others let me down or turn their backs on me, He never will.
I know I did nothing to deserve His Amazing Grace: He gave it to me as a gift because He loves me so much. I know I could never repay Him for that gift that caused him pain and agony, but I know I'll serve Him in this life and in eternity because of that gift.
I know I've never regretted turning to Jesus and I know I never will. I know it's not always convenient or politically correct to be a Christian and outwardly proclaim my devotion to Him, but I know He's worth any criticism and snickering that is directed toward me. I know any ridicule and persecution I have suffered in the past or will suffer in the future doesn't come close to what He endured for me.
I know I've let Him down in the past. I know I will no doubt fail Him in the future, but I know I'll feel deeply burdened when I do and His Still Small Voice will guide me back to Him. I know He'll never throw me away and I'll always be in His Hand.
I know I never had lasting peace and contentment before I bowed before Him for mercy and relinquished my life to Him. I know He's the Only Way to Heaven, and I know I'm going there when I die because I trusted Him as my Savior so many years ago.
I know there are so many who are searching for peace and satisfaction in everything imaginable in this life, but to no avail. I know there are so many who deep in their souls are longing for peace and joy. I know how it feels to be alone in the dark of night and feel so sad, so lonely, and so helpless. I know that I want everyone who reads this to know the same Peace and Joy I know.
I know that by simply calling out His Name . . . . Jesus. . . . there is a stirring in the heart. I know anyone who even whispers His Sweet Name . . . . Jesus . . . . feels it. I know if you know Him as your Savior, the name of Jesus fills your soul with awe and overwhelming joy. I know if you don't know Him personally, you will feel conviction by the mere mention of His Name. I know if you simply ask Him, He'll forgive you for anything you've ever done and will fill your heart with indescribable joy and peace. I know that if you do that, you're assured a home in Heaven too and your life will never be the same.
I know you'll never regret trusting Jesus. I know Jesus loves you and He desires more than anything that you'll come to Him for peace and comfort like you've never known. I know He loves you and He wants a personal relationship with you. I know none of us are promised another day or even another breath. I know you should call out His Name now and should not put it off. I know tomorrow will be too late for so many.
I'm not a scholar. I never even completed college. There are a lot of things I don't know. However, I do know the most important things that anybody could ever know.
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is real. I know He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die a brutal death to cover my sins. I know Jesus saved me from everlasting punishment for those sins and He is with me every second of every day.
I know my life would be vastly different had I not accepted Jesus as my Savior. I know without Him I would not have the promise of a home in Heaven. I know because of what He did for me, I'll see Him face to face and He'll give me a big hug some day. I know I'll see my mother again, as well as all of the other friends and family members who have died knowing Christ as their Savior.
I know Jesus gives me peace that surpasses anything that anyone else can provide. I know what it really means to be free. I know what it means to have total peace in my soul, even in times of heartache and trouble. I know when others let me down or turn their backs on me, He never will.
I know I did nothing to deserve His Amazing Grace: He gave it to me as a gift because He loves me so much. I know I could never repay Him for that gift that caused him pain and agony, but I know I'll serve Him in this life and in eternity because of that gift.
I know I've never regretted turning to Jesus and I know I never will. I know it's not always convenient or politically correct to be a Christian and outwardly proclaim my devotion to Him, but I know He's worth any criticism and snickering that is directed toward me. I know any ridicule and persecution I have suffered in the past or will suffer in the future doesn't come close to what He endured for me.
I know I've let Him down in the past. I know I will no doubt fail Him in the future, but I know I'll feel deeply burdened when I do and His Still Small Voice will guide me back to Him. I know He'll never throw me away and I'll always be in His Hand.
I know I never had lasting peace and contentment before I bowed before Him for mercy and relinquished my life to Him. I know He's the Only Way to Heaven, and I know I'm going there when I die because I trusted Him as my Savior so many years ago.
I know there are so many who are searching for peace and satisfaction in everything imaginable in this life, but to no avail. I know there are so many who deep in their souls are longing for peace and joy. I know how it feels to be alone in the dark of night and feel so sad, so lonely, and so helpless. I know that I want everyone who reads this to know the same Peace and Joy I know.
I know that by simply calling out His Name . . . . Jesus. . . . there is a stirring in the heart. I know anyone who even whispers His Sweet Name . . . . Jesus . . . . feels it. I know if you know Him as your Savior, the name of Jesus fills your soul with awe and overwhelming joy. I know if you don't know Him personally, you will feel conviction by the mere mention of His Name. I know if you simply ask Him, He'll forgive you for anything you've ever done and will fill your heart with indescribable joy and peace. I know that if you do that, you're assured a home in Heaven too and your life will never be the same.
I know you'll never regret trusting Jesus. I know Jesus loves you and He desires more than anything that you'll come to Him for peace and comfort like you've never known. I know He loves you and He wants a personal relationship with you. I know none of us are promised another day or even another breath. I know you should call out His Name now and should not put it off. I know tomorrow will be too late for so many.
If / Because
If / Because . . . .
If I had to be good
And earn His saving grace
I would still be so lost
Could never see His face.
If had to clean up
To bow before His throne
I would be so hopeless
And forever be alone.
If Jesus hadn't died
If He hadn't loved me so
Where would I be today?
So glad I'll never know!
Because He does love me
Enough to take my cross
I care and want to help
When others suffer loss.
If receiving His Love
Meant being perfect first
None of us would have It
All of us would be cursed.
Because He wants to carry
All of your burdens too
Be still, say His Name, listen
You'll hear Him calling you!
If you humble yourself
And on Him place your sin
You will not regret it
Because life will just begin!
You too can come to Christ
Just as you are right now
Lay your sins before Him
And humbly to Him bow.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 2010
If I had to be good
And earn His saving grace
I would still be so lost
Could never see His face.
If had to clean up
To bow before His throne
I would be so hopeless
And forever be alone.
If Jesus hadn't died
If He hadn't loved me so
Where would I be today?
So glad I'll never know!
Because He does love me
Enough to take my cross
I care and want to help
When others suffer loss.
If receiving His Love
Meant being perfect first
None of us would have It
All of us would be cursed.
Because He wants to carry
All of your burdens too
Be still, say His Name, listen
You'll hear Him calling you!
If you humble yourself
And on Him place your sin
You will not regret it
Because life will just begin!
You too can come to Christ
Just as you are right now
Lay your sins before Him
And humbly to Him bow.
Susan Trafford Martin
October 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
For Mama
Today is your birthday
I miss you so much
Your sweet smile and giggle
Your warm, tender touch
I know you're with Jesus
- The Best Gift ever -
Every day is joyous
Loved ones all together
How I long to see you
And I will some day
When Jesus calls my name
Until then, I'll pray . . .
"Lord, help me through the day
With your warm embrace
Give me strength and hope
Comfort me with your grace . . .
When you call my name, Lord
And it's my time to go
One more thing I ask You
Jesus, I love you so . . .
I know You will guide me
Into that peaceful land
Lord, please allow Mama
To hold my other hand"
Susan Trafford Martin
August 29, 2007
I miss you so much
Your sweet smile and giggle
Your warm, tender touch
I know you're with Jesus
- The Best Gift ever -
Every day is joyous
Loved ones all together
How I long to see you
And I will some day
When Jesus calls my name
Until then, I'll pray . . .
"Lord, help me through the day
With your warm embrace
Give me strength and hope
Comfort me with your grace . . .
When you call my name, Lord
And it's my time to go
One more thing I ask You
Jesus, I love you so . . .
I know You will guide me
Into that peaceful land
Lord, please allow Mama
To hold my other hand"
Susan Trafford Martin
August 29, 2007
Monday, September 20, 2010
No Time To Delay!
This is not just another poem
But, instead, a sincere plea.
To all of you who are reading
I am asking so earnestly.
If you know the Lord as Savior
In Heaven you'll be some day.
But, what about those around you. . .
Those who are lost, do you pray?
It doesn't matter where you are
Or your status here on earth.
You also have a great purpose
And it's not through worldly worth.
Just stop for a minute and think
Those you see day after day,
Those whom you consider your friends
And those who get in your way.
In your mind picture those faces,
And then consider this thought. . .
One day you will stand before God
And also these will be brought . . .
To stand before our Righteous King
The final court will decree.
On these faces you see fear. . .
Pleading so desperately.
You can't believe this is happening
Though you'd heard it all those years,
The Judgment Day has actually come . . .
You watch them with bitter tears.
One by one they pass before Him
They begin to scream and cry . . .
"Why didn't you tell me?", they ask . . .
"Why didn't you ever try?"
The door to Hell is opening
And you hear our Father say,
"Go, depart, I never knew you . . ."
And then, they are cast away.
In relentless pain and torture
With flames leaping all around,
There, even the worm will not die
And no relief can be found.
If you believe the Holy Word
Then you know this is all true.
Now, with all of this on your heart
What are you going to do?
Tomorrow you'll see those faces
You'll wonder, "Are they prepared?"
Walk over and simply ask them . . .
Let them know you truly care.
The Lord is wanting to use you
To bring those lost ones to Him,
That day is so much closer now
Soon they will all be condemned.
Not one thing is more important
Than sharing Salvation's Truth!
All earthly things will pass away,
God's Word is Eternal Proof!
Don't be afraid to proclaim it,
Though many will laugh and scorn.
Just think about the hereafter,
And those faces so forlorn.
A bittersweet time it will be
No doubt some will walk your way
With rejoicing, they'll embrace you
And through tear-dimmed eyes they'll say . . .
"You never knew I was listening
But, one day I heard you tell
A wayward soul about the Lord
Laughing, he said, 'There's no Hell!' . . .
You walked away looking so sad
My heart was so convicted.
I knelt and prayed to your Jesus
My life was so afflicted.
He was my Jesus too that day!
I never saw you again.
I wanted so much to tell you
Your witness was not in vain."
What a joyous day that will be
When we enter Heaven's gate!
Start sharing the Good News today. . .
Tomorrow may be too late.
Susan Trafford Martin
1997
But, instead, a sincere plea.
To all of you who are reading
I am asking so earnestly.
If you know the Lord as Savior
In Heaven you'll be some day.
But, what about those around you. . .
Those who are lost, do you pray?
It doesn't matter where you are
Or your status here on earth.
You also have a great purpose
And it's not through worldly worth.
Just stop for a minute and think
Those you see day after day,
Those whom you consider your friends
And those who get in your way.
In your mind picture those faces,
And then consider this thought. . .
One day you will stand before God
And also these will be brought . . .
To stand before our Righteous King
The final court will decree.
On these faces you see fear. . .
Pleading so desperately.
You can't believe this is happening
Though you'd heard it all those years,
The Judgment Day has actually come . . .
You watch them with bitter tears.
One by one they pass before Him
They begin to scream and cry . . .
"Why didn't you tell me?", they ask . . .
"Why didn't you ever try?"
The door to Hell is opening
And you hear our Father say,
"Go, depart, I never knew you . . ."
And then, they are cast away.
In relentless pain and torture
With flames leaping all around,
There, even the worm will not die
And no relief can be found.
If you believe the Holy Word
Then you know this is all true.
Now, with all of this on your heart
What are you going to do?
Tomorrow you'll see those faces
You'll wonder, "Are they prepared?"
Walk over and simply ask them . . .
Let them know you truly care.
The Lord is wanting to use you
To bring those lost ones to Him,
That day is so much closer now
Soon they will all be condemned.
Not one thing is more important
Than sharing Salvation's Truth!
All earthly things will pass away,
God's Word is Eternal Proof!
Don't be afraid to proclaim it,
Though many will laugh and scorn.
Just think about the hereafter,
And those faces so forlorn.
A bittersweet time it will be
No doubt some will walk your way
With rejoicing, they'll embrace you
And through tear-dimmed eyes they'll say . . .
"You never knew I was listening
But, one day I heard you tell
A wayward soul about the Lord
Laughing, he said, 'There's no Hell!' . . .
You walked away looking so sad
My heart was so convicted.
I knelt and prayed to your Jesus
My life was so afflicted.
He was my Jesus too that day!
I never saw you again.
I wanted so much to tell you
Your witness was not in vain."
What a joyous day that will be
When we enter Heaven's gate!
Start sharing the Good News today. . .
Tomorrow may be too late.
Susan Trafford Martin
1997
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Power of Prayer
The Power of Prayer
When I was so much younger
The Bible was a storybook,
Jesus, the main character
As through the many words I'd look.
Heaven was a fairytale land
With lovely scenes to behold,
A place of wonder, beauty, peace
Where noone ever grows old.
As I began to grow older
And was sitting on that cold pew,
I had a terrible feeling
Singing, "Jesus is calling you".
That preacher, talking right at me
I felt everyone was staring,
I just wanted to leave that place
And hide my sin I was bearing.
Once I was home I felt better,
Though not completely at ease,
That feeling just kept hanging on
I could not find any peace.
When Sunday rolled around again
As it too often seemed to do,
I tried to look so very sick
And Mama didn't have a clue.
My mama and me stayed at home
All day I had to stay in bed;
That was perfectly fine with me...
Could be distressed at church instead.
The next Sunday I tried again
But, Mama was getting too smart.
As I complained, she looked at me
And said, "Your problem is your heart".
So once again we went to church
At the end, I was on the verge;
But, I stubbornly would not budge
I would not give in to the urge!
As weeks went by, then months, then years
Feeling not much stirring at all,
As I would stand in church and hear
The pastor's invitation call.
My life was taking a nosedive
Indulging in my secret sin,
Granddad would pray aloud for me
That I would let the Savior in.
He would only make me angry
How dare he embarrass me so!
In front of my family and friends
Well, now I just won't even go.
I stayed on that dark, lonely road
That leads straight to self destruction,
I didn't need family or church
As I wallowed in deception.
My family never ceased to pray
For this, their child of transgression;
But, I chose to turn a deaf ear
Choosing instead sinful passion.
I was firmly in Satan's grasp
And he was hanging on so tight,
He didn't plan to let me go
Without a long, horrendous fight.
He had me pushed to the edge
Almost as far as I could go,
Dangling on the outer brink
When I heard a loud voice say, "NO!"
The Lord was close beside me
Wrestling Satan for my soul.
He told me that He loved me
And had paid for me my toll.
I cried and prayed, "Lord, please help me...
I'm so very steeped in sin,
I can't go on without You, Lord,
Please Lord Jesus, please come in".
Instantly, I had complete peace
And joy that's beyond compare.
Still holding me and guiding me
I know He'll always be there.
I praise God for His Only Son
Who saved my soul from torment
It makes me shudder when I think
How my life could have been spent.
Thank you, Jesus, for my family
Who never gave up or lost faith
For all the years they prayed that I
In Your Precious Blood would be bathed.
Now I have an eternal home
I'll again be with those loved ones,
Whose prayers, I am convinced, are why
I've been redeemed by God's Dear Son.
Never give up! Don't lose faith!
Sincere prayers are never unheard,
Jesus hears them, I am proof
With every prayer, a heart is stirred!
Susan Trafford Martin
1997
When I was so much younger
The Bible was a storybook,
Jesus, the main character
As through the many words I'd look.
Heaven was a fairytale land
With lovely scenes to behold,
A place of wonder, beauty, peace
Where noone ever grows old.
As I began to grow older
And was sitting on that cold pew,
I had a terrible feeling
Singing, "Jesus is calling you".
That preacher, talking right at me
I felt everyone was staring,
I just wanted to leave that place
And hide my sin I was bearing.
Once I was home I felt better,
Though not completely at ease,
That feeling just kept hanging on
I could not find any peace.
When Sunday rolled around again
As it too often seemed to do,
I tried to look so very sick
And Mama didn't have a clue.
My mama and me stayed at home
All day I had to stay in bed;
That was perfectly fine with me...
Could be distressed at church instead.
The next Sunday I tried again
But, Mama was getting too smart.
As I complained, she looked at me
And said, "Your problem is your heart".
So once again we went to church
At the end, I was on the verge;
But, I stubbornly would not budge
I would not give in to the urge!
As weeks went by, then months, then years
Feeling not much stirring at all,
As I would stand in church and hear
The pastor's invitation call.
My life was taking a nosedive
Indulging in my secret sin,
Granddad would pray aloud for me
That I would let the Savior in.
He would only make me angry
How dare he embarrass me so!
In front of my family and friends
Well, now I just won't even go.
I stayed on that dark, lonely road
That leads straight to self destruction,
I didn't need family or church
As I wallowed in deception.
My family never ceased to pray
For this, their child of transgression;
But, I chose to turn a deaf ear
Choosing instead sinful passion.
I was firmly in Satan's grasp
And he was hanging on so tight,
He didn't plan to let me go
Without a long, horrendous fight.
He had me pushed to the edge
Almost as far as I could go,
Dangling on the outer brink
When I heard a loud voice say, "NO!"
The Lord was close beside me
Wrestling Satan for my soul.
He told me that He loved me
And had paid for me my toll.
I cried and prayed, "Lord, please help me...
I'm so very steeped in sin,
I can't go on without You, Lord,
Please Lord Jesus, please come in".
Instantly, I had complete peace
And joy that's beyond compare.
Still holding me and guiding me
I know He'll always be there.
I praise God for His Only Son
Who saved my soul from torment
It makes me shudder when I think
How my life could have been spent.
Thank you, Jesus, for my family
Who never gave up or lost faith
For all the years they prayed that I
In Your Precious Blood would be bathed.
Now I have an eternal home
I'll again be with those loved ones,
Whose prayers, I am convinced, are why
I've been redeemed by God's Dear Son.
Never give up! Don't lose faith!
Sincere prayers are never unheard,
Jesus hears them, I am proof
With every prayer, a heart is stirred!
Susan Trafford Martin
1997
Blessings in Disguise
Sitting there in her wheelchair,
Still living in the past.
Sitting there day after day
Soon it will be her last.
Her life was spent with children
Her devotion, sincere.
She spent long, tiring hours
Teaching, soothing their fears.
Have they really forgotten,
This one who loved them so . . .
The one who made time for them
When others told them no?
She sat there, looking so sad
While others passed her by.
I knelt down by her wheelchair,
She looked me in the eye.
I made a simple comment....
"Good to see you again".
But, this sweet, precious soul heard
"I care, you have a friend".
No further words were needed,
Just her warm, tender smile.
Thank you, God, for showing me
What is really worthwhile.
I left a different person,
I had learned something new.
We all need to feel needed
Young and old, me and you.
Yes, I had always known this...
But that day roles were reversed.
My goal, make her feel needed,
Quench her emotional thirst.
What a blessing God bestowed
Such a beautiful smile!
I've never felt so needed.
Never felt so worthwhile.
They need to know they are needed,
And in return, so do we.
God pours his blessings out through them
I urge you...try it...you'll see!
Susan Trafford Martin, 1999
(inspired after visiting a nursing home)
"A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness".
~Proverbs 16:31
"Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
~Proverbs 23:22
"You shall rise up before the gray-headed and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the Lord".
Still living in the past.
Sitting there day after day
Soon it will be her last.
Her life was spent with children
Her devotion, sincere.
She spent long, tiring hours
Teaching, soothing their fears.
Have they really forgotten,
This one who loved them so . . .
The one who made time for them
When others told them no?
She sat there, looking so sad
While others passed her by.
I knelt down by her wheelchair,
She looked me in the eye.
I made a simple comment....
"Good to see you again".
But, this sweet, precious soul heard
"I care, you have a friend".
No further words were needed,
Just her warm, tender smile.
Thank you, God, for showing me
What is really worthwhile.
I left a different person,
I had learned something new.
We all need to feel needed
Young and old, me and you.
Yes, I had always known this...
But that day roles were reversed.
My goal, make her feel needed,
Quench her emotional thirst.
What a blessing God bestowed
Such a beautiful smile!
I've never felt so needed.
Never felt so worthwhile.
They need to know they are needed,
And in return, so do we.
God pours his blessings out through them
I urge you...try it...you'll see!
Susan Trafford Martin, 1999
(inspired after visiting a nursing home)
"A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness".
~Proverbs 16:31
"Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
~Proverbs 23:22
"You shall rise up before the gray-headed and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the Lord".
~Leviticus 19:32
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tribute to a Caregiver
Today is the same as yesterday,
Probably the same tomorrow.
She can't tell him what she feels . . .
Pain, happiness, joy, or sorrow.
He sits and lovingly holds her hand
Day after day, hour after hour . . .
As the moments pass away
Still her strong, protective tower.
He looks at her so helplessly
I can see it in his eyes.
To have her back for just one day
To him would be worth any price.
A more gallant man I've never known,
So unselfishly devoted -
- The meaning of the word 'hero'
And he doesn't even know it.
He made a vow to honor her
In health and in sickness.
His love for her is priceless
More valuable than riches.
Words are cheap, actions immeasurable
I consistently witness these facts.
He doesn't say much, his deeds are countless
His favors and kindness aren't merely acts.
I've always had great respect for him
But had never actually quite grasped
The true depth of his compassion,
His dedication to any task.
Until the shadow of Alzheimer's
Began to slowly cloud her thoughts
Did I begin to appreciate
The cherished lessons to be taught.
I've learned more than words can express
Through these helpless, heartbreaking years . . .
Love, commitment, and faith in God,
Lessons taught through heartache and tears.
Though this thief has stolen her freedom,
Her practical jokes, her love for life,
It can't take the love from her heart
Nor steal this man's love for his wife.
Had it not been for this "long goodbye"
I might have never understood
The ties that bind us together
- These heartstrings of family - as I should.
You see, this man of which I've written
Is none other than my father
This is my way of letting him know
I love him for loving my mother.
Susan Trafford Martin
March 2006
Today is the same as yesterday,
Probably the same tomorrow.
She can't tell him what she feels . . .
Pain, happiness, joy, or sorrow.
He sits and lovingly holds her hand
Day after day, hour after hour . . .
As the moments pass away
Still her strong, protective tower.
He looks at her so helplessly
I can see it in his eyes.
To have her back for just one day
To him would be worth any price.
A more gallant man I've never known,
So unselfishly devoted -
- The meaning of the word 'hero'
And he doesn't even know it.
He made a vow to honor her
In health and in sickness.
His love for her is priceless
More valuable than riches.
Words are cheap, actions immeasurable
I consistently witness these facts.
He doesn't say much, his deeds are countless
His favors and kindness aren't merely acts.
I've always had great respect for him
But had never actually quite grasped
The true depth of his compassion,
His dedication to any task.
Until the shadow of Alzheimer's
Began to slowly cloud her thoughts
Did I begin to appreciate
The cherished lessons to be taught.
I've learned more than words can express
Through these helpless, heartbreaking years . . .
Love, commitment, and faith in God,
Lessons taught through heartache and tears.
Though this thief has stolen her freedom,
Her practical jokes, her love for life,
It can't take the love from her heart
Nor steal this man's love for his wife.
Had it not been for this "long goodbye"
I might have never understood
The ties that bind us together
- These heartstrings of family - as I should.
You see, this man of which I've written
Is none other than my father
This is my way of letting him know
I love him for loving my mother.
Susan Trafford Martin
March 2006
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Jesus Loves Me
Jesus loves His children
I know this is true.
Jesus loves all people
Saved ones, lost ones too.
"Jesus loves me, this I know"
I sang when I was young.
But, it's very hard to grasp . . .
He knows each and every one.
I struggled with this concept
. . . The Lord knows me by name?
Does He really want to know
My joy, my fears, my pain?
It was so hard to fathom
I couldn't understand . . .
He has so many children
Why would He hold my hand?
I'm just a simple person
I've done nothing outstanding.
How could He have time for me
With millions on Him depending?
Then, I had a dream one night
This on my mind again . . .
Following a multitude
Being led by One Man.
Leading down a winding road
To where, nobody knew.
In Him we had total faith,
To follow all the way through.
He suddenly turned around,
Was searching through the crowd . . .
I longingly reached to Him,
And heard myself cry aloud . . .
"I LOVE YOU JESUS!", I cried,
As He surveyed the mass. . .
Then His eyes lowered to mine,
He's coming to me, at last!!!
He took me in His arms
I have never felt such peace . . .
No words can describe it
I wished it would never cease.
In awe, I was thinking,
"This must be how Heaven feels . . .
Serene, calm, and peaceful
Resting in God's Perfect Will".
Then, He said, "I love you, too"
I looked upon His face . . .
My sweet Savior said my name!
Doubts instantly were erased.
Jesus loves me, THIS I KNOW
If you doubt He loves you too,
Reach out to Him, call His name . . .
He's waiting to hear from you.
Susan Martin
Written after a dream, June 1998
I know this is true.
Jesus loves all people
Saved ones, lost ones too.
"Jesus loves me, this I know"
I sang when I was young.
But, it's very hard to grasp . . .
He knows each and every one.
I struggled with this concept
. . . The Lord knows me by name?
Does He really want to know
My joy, my fears, my pain?
It was so hard to fathom
I couldn't understand . . .
He has so many children
Why would He hold my hand?
I'm just a simple person
I've done nothing outstanding.
How could He have time for me
With millions on Him depending?
Then, I had a dream one night
This on my mind again . . .
Following a multitude
Being led by One Man.
Leading down a winding road
To where, nobody knew.
In Him we had total faith,
To follow all the way through.
He suddenly turned around,
Was searching through the crowd . . .
I longingly reached to Him,
And heard myself cry aloud . . .
"I LOVE YOU JESUS!", I cried,
As He surveyed the mass. . .
Then His eyes lowered to mine,
He's coming to me, at last!!!
He took me in His arms
I have never felt such peace . . .
No words can describe it
I wished it would never cease.
In awe, I was thinking,
"This must be how Heaven feels . . .
Serene, calm, and peaceful
Resting in God's Perfect Will".
Then, He said, "I love you, too"
I looked upon His face . . .
My sweet Savior said my name!
Doubts instantly were erased.
Jesus loves me, THIS I KNOW
If you doubt He loves you too,
Reach out to Him, call His name . . .
He's waiting to hear from you.
Susan Martin
Written after a dream, June 1998
Monday, September 6, 2010
Do we???
Do We Love Jesus?
"Oh, how I love Jesus"
Music filling the air!
Getting closer to the church
So anxious to enter there!
Looking up at the steeple
Pointing to Heaven above
Hearing angelic voices
This is where I could find love!
In need of assurance
Of God's absolute Grace
I walked into the building
Awesome! I was amazed!
This is truly God's House
Surely I'll find Him here
The music, so inspiring
The pastor, so sincere.
I entered the santuary
The people turned and stared
With obvious disapproval . . .
No compassion or care.
Their expressions confused me
With each one, my heart weighed more.
Why the cruel, cold gazes
Don't they claim to love the Lord?
"Let's welcome those in our midst
Who are visiting here today . . .
Shake hands with your neighbor
Tell them for them you'll pray".
As the people passed by me
Whispering to the rest,
No one took my hand in theirs
By me they were not impressed.
But then, one man approached me
I gave him a heartfelt smile.
He would share the love of God . . .
Let me know I am worthwhile!
A smile he didn't return
Instead a disgruntled sneer
Leaned over to me and said,
"Your kind is not welcome here".
I turned to walk away
My heart was sinking much lower,
What did he mean by that . . .
My clothing, my hair, my color?
But, don't they love Jesus?
Their singing is heard outside . . .
"Love for all" is preached here,
And, "for all Jesus died".
As I sat and cried and thought
How can I truly find the Lord?
Not fit to sit in His House
Not good enough to hear His Word . . .
I felt someone touch my arm
I turned and He stood before me
He said, "You are not alone",
Speaking so compassionately.
"Like you, I'm no longer welcome
To enter into this place . . .
About Me they have forgotten
My mercy, My love, My grace . . .
For Me you have been searching,
By them you were turned away,
They know not what they do . . .
You have found the Lord today".
"Oh, how I love Jesus"
The music again is heard.
Meaningless words to them
But, my heart was stirred!
I am walking with Jesus
Away from their haughtiness,
The Lord has found me today
I am clothed in His righteousness!
Susan Trafford Martin
written March 2001
"Oh, how I love Jesus"
Music filling the air!
Getting closer to the church
So anxious to enter there!
Looking up at the steeple
Pointing to Heaven above
Hearing angelic voices
This is where I could find love!
In need of assurance
Of God's absolute Grace
I walked into the building
Awesome! I was amazed!
This is truly God's House
Surely I'll find Him here
The music, so inspiring
The pastor, so sincere.
I entered the santuary
The people turned and stared
With obvious disapproval . . .
No compassion or care.
Their expressions confused me
With each one, my heart weighed more.
Why the cruel, cold gazes
Don't they claim to love the Lord?
"Let's welcome those in our midst
Who are visiting here today . . .
Shake hands with your neighbor
Tell them for them you'll pray".
As the people passed by me
Whispering to the rest,
No one took my hand in theirs
By me they were not impressed.
But then, one man approached me
I gave him a heartfelt smile.
He would share the love of God . . .
Let me know I am worthwhile!
A smile he didn't return
Instead a disgruntled sneer
Leaned over to me and said,
"Your kind is not welcome here".
I turned to walk away
My heart was sinking much lower,
What did he mean by that . . .
My clothing, my hair, my color?
But, don't they love Jesus?
Their singing is heard outside . . .
"Love for all" is preached here,
And, "for all Jesus died".
As I sat and cried and thought
How can I truly find the Lord?
Not fit to sit in His House
Not good enough to hear His Word . . .
I felt someone touch my arm
I turned and He stood before me
He said, "You are not alone",
Speaking so compassionately.
"Like you, I'm no longer welcome
To enter into this place . . .
About Me they have forgotten
My mercy, My love, My grace . . .
For Me you have been searching,
By them you were turned away,
They know not what they do . . .
You have found the Lord today".
"Oh, how I love Jesus"
The music again is heard.
Meaningless words to them
But, my heart was stirred!
I am walking with Jesus
Away from their haughtiness,
The Lord has found me today
I am clothed in His righteousness!
Susan Trafford Martin
written March 2001
Thursday, September 2, 2010
My First Blog
I just happen to be testing my blog-writing abilities on my birthday, September 2, 1010. It wasn't planned that way, just worked out that way. God has blessed me with a wonderful, rainy, pleasant day - a day that hasn't included a huge amount of transcription work to preoccupy my time. For those people who know what I do for a living, having an easy work day is a rarity for me. So, once again, thank you Lord! Having a less-than-hectic work day is a huge gift for me. Maybe God knew I needed a break and He decided to save an easy day for my birthday. He's so good!
As I was sitting on my back porch listening to the rain, I began to think back to the previous birthdays in my life. I've had a mixture of really outstanding birthdays and some I'd rather forget. The birthday that stands out most in my mind and was without a doubt the most meaningful and life-changing birthday that I'd ever had or that I'll ever have actually occurred in May of 1979. I was 19 years old. My life was in shambles. I was going through life like a robot; getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed; getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, etc., etc. My life had absolutely no meaning whatsoever. My main concern, my only concern actually, was taking care of my baby girl. She was my focus and all I thought I had to live for. As I was thinking back to those years and how they are such distant memories, just blurry spots in my mind, it occurs to me that those days and weeks and months and years were like walking in a fog as I was actually living them. The plans I'd made for myself had crumbled, I felt I had disgraced my family, and I had no hope for the future - except to do whatever I had to do to make sure my baby girl had everything she needed and was well cared for. My hope, in essence, was in my little girl. She was the only source of happiness, the only reason I could smile. . . until that evening in May 1979. . . .
My life had been on a downward spiral for so long and I didn't think it could get any more out of control. I was so wrong. When I hit rock bottom, hard, I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I felt such a strong tugging at my heart, I literally felt I was going to die. God literally caused me to fall on my knees and I knew there was only one thing I could do, only one Person I could talk to, that could help me. I was in such agony and need of help, I could not even force words out of my mouth. I was in such anguish, I could do nothing but weep bitter tears of desperation. I was lost, completely...unmistakably...lost. I could literally feel the spiritual warfare that was going on all around me, as I lay on the floor of my bedroom unable to move. I've never been so frightened in my life. It entered my mind that God was going to take my life because of all those years of refusing His call and pushing Him to the side. I could feel the struggle between God and Satan for my soul. I can't describe that kind of anguish and fear. There are no words. I finally heard myself softly crying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". The heaviness in my heart and weightiness of my sin was intensifying and I could only muster enough breath to utter that Precious Name; but, in the depths of my soul, I was crying out in shame and pleading with God's Son to forgive me. I could see Jesus hanging on the cross, His Life-Giving Blood dripping from every pore of His beaten body. I felt so ashamed. I felt so unworthy of His Forgiveness. Then....in an instant....I felt Jesus come into my heart. I FELT JESUS COME INTO MY HEART! I felt the weight of the world lifted off my heart, off my soul, off my body instantaneously. As I lay there in a fetal position on the floor, covered with sweat and tears, I was again speechless. I had a renewed spirit, I was a new creature, and all I wanted to do for the next several minutes was take it all in. The minute before, I was in shackles. Now I was free. All I could do was smile and thank Jesus. Jesus - my Friend, my Redeemer, my Hope, my Savior. It was truly Joy Unspeakable and Full of Glory!
My life has never been the same since that May evening in 1979. That's not to say I haven't had problems and issues and storms in my life. Oh my, I've had my share. The difference is that now I have Jesus in my life to lead me through the valleys and hold my hand through the storms. Those of you who are reading this and know Him as your Savior, you know what I'm talking about. Those of you who are reading this and do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, I urge you to seek Him. I promise you that you'll never regret it. I also promise you that He'll never leave you. He's the Best Friend you'll ever have, the Only One you can depend on, and the Only One who can take you to Heaven when you've taken your last breath on earth. This is my prayer for all who read this.
I was born at St. Anthony's Hospital in Morrilton, Arkansas on September 2, 1959. I was born again in Plumerville, Arkansas in May of 1979. I thank you, Jesus, for giving me the breath of life as a newborn baby on that September morning in 1959; but, mostly, I thank You for giving me the Breath of Eternal Life as a newborn child of The King on that May evening in 1979.
Roman Road to Salvation:
Romans 10:13
John 3:16
Romans 5:8
Romans 3:23
Romans 6:23
Corinthians 5:21
Romans 10:9-10
Romans 10:13
As I was sitting on my back porch listening to the rain, I began to think back to the previous birthdays in my life. I've had a mixture of really outstanding birthdays and some I'd rather forget. The birthday that stands out most in my mind and was without a doubt the most meaningful and life-changing birthday that I'd ever had or that I'll ever have actually occurred in May of 1979. I was 19 years old. My life was in shambles. I was going through life like a robot; getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed; getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, etc., etc. My life had absolutely no meaning whatsoever. My main concern, my only concern actually, was taking care of my baby girl. She was my focus and all I thought I had to live for. As I was thinking back to those years and how they are such distant memories, just blurry spots in my mind, it occurs to me that those days and weeks and months and years were like walking in a fog as I was actually living them. The plans I'd made for myself had crumbled, I felt I had disgraced my family, and I had no hope for the future - except to do whatever I had to do to make sure my baby girl had everything she needed and was well cared for. My hope, in essence, was in my little girl. She was the only source of happiness, the only reason I could smile. . . until that evening in May 1979. . . .
My life had been on a downward spiral for so long and I didn't think it could get any more out of control. I was so wrong. When I hit rock bottom, hard, I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I felt such a strong tugging at my heart, I literally felt I was going to die. God literally caused me to fall on my knees and I knew there was only one thing I could do, only one Person I could talk to, that could help me. I was in such agony and need of help, I could not even force words out of my mouth. I was in such anguish, I could do nothing but weep bitter tears of desperation. I was lost, completely...unmistakably...lost. I could literally feel the spiritual warfare that was going on all around me, as I lay on the floor of my bedroom unable to move. I've never been so frightened in my life. It entered my mind that God was going to take my life because of all those years of refusing His call and pushing Him to the side. I could feel the struggle between God and Satan for my soul. I can't describe that kind of anguish and fear. There are no words. I finally heard myself softly crying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". The heaviness in my heart and weightiness of my sin was intensifying and I could only muster enough breath to utter that Precious Name; but, in the depths of my soul, I was crying out in shame and pleading with God's Son to forgive me. I could see Jesus hanging on the cross, His Life-Giving Blood dripping from every pore of His beaten body. I felt so ashamed. I felt so unworthy of His Forgiveness. Then....in an instant....I felt Jesus come into my heart. I FELT JESUS COME INTO MY HEART! I felt the weight of the world lifted off my heart, off my soul, off my body instantaneously. As I lay there in a fetal position on the floor, covered with sweat and tears, I was again speechless. I had a renewed spirit, I was a new creature, and all I wanted to do for the next several minutes was take it all in. The minute before, I was in shackles. Now I was free. All I could do was smile and thank Jesus. Jesus - my Friend, my Redeemer, my Hope, my Savior. It was truly Joy Unspeakable and Full of Glory!
My life has never been the same since that May evening in 1979. That's not to say I haven't had problems and issues and storms in my life. Oh my, I've had my share. The difference is that now I have Jesus in my life to lead me through the valleys and hold my hand through the storms. Those of you who are reading this and know Him as your Savior, you know what I'm talking about. Those of you who are reading this and do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, I urge you to seek Him. I promise you that you'll never regret it. I also promise you that He'll never leave you. He's the Best Friend you'll ever have, the Only One you can depend on, and the Only One who can take you to Heaven when you've taken your last breath on earth. This is my prayer for all who read this.
I was born at St. Anthony's Hospital in Morrilton, Arkansas on September 2, 1959. I was born again in Plumerville, Arkansas in May of 1979. I thank you, Jesus, for giving me the breath of life as a newborn baby on that September morning in 1959; but, mostly, I thank You for giving me the Breath of Eternal Life as a newborn child of The King on that May evening in 1979.
Roman Road to Salvation:
Romans 10:13
John 3:16
Romans 5:8
Romans 3:23
Romans 6:23
Corinthians 5:21
Romans 10:9-10
Romans 10:13
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