I remember a game my girls played, especially at sleepovers with their friends. When asked a question, the girl could either choose truth and tell the truth about the question or choose dare because they didn't want to tell the truth. This morning I was reading the book of Luke. When I read Luke 12:48, it was like I was reading it for the first time. It's a very familiar verse, one I've heard preached on and have been taught all of my life.
" . . . . For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required . . . . "
This verse has been quoted a lot during times of financial need or other times of need in a church setting, but this morning it was as if God was using this verse to show me where much is required of ME specifically. I fall short on a lot of things when it comes to serving my Lord and Savior, but this particular area was not to be ignored today. I know where I fall short, but I tend to make excuses for myself especially when it comes to the area of forgiveness. And, goodness gracious, we all know that's a biggie to God! This morning, as I was sitting on my back porch swing - reading The Word and relaxing - God obviously didn't intend for me to have a laidback, relaxing kind of devotional time on this particular morning. He had something to tell me and did He ever tell me! When I would try to move onto the next verse, I would be brought back to that portion of verse 48. . . . . "to whom much is given, shall much be required". Well, it finally soaked into my feeble brain. For me, God wasn't simply telling me to give more financially or to give more of my time to His work, etc., God was telling me in no uncertain terms to give more in terms of forgiveness. He wedged this thought so deep into the tiny recesses of my little brain that I cannot do anything else until I put this all on paper.
Truth or Dare: I chose Truth this morning, as I know better than to Dare to mess with God's Word and what He has very clearly revealed to me. Here's the shameful truth . . . . I struggle with forgiveness . . . . a lot. I have forgiven lots of people in my lifetime for various little indiscrepancies or hurts aimed in my direction. That's a fact. But, then there are those "more serious injustices" that have been bestowed on me that I have problems with letting go of. . . . . I've claimed to have forgiven those people, but when it comes down to the actual truth of the matter, I evidently didn't forgive them in my heart because the bitterness and disdain always seems to creep back in. I know if I truly have forgiven, I would have a different perspective on that person and wouldn't feel the animosity swelling up in me at the mere mention of the name.
So, that's my predicament and this is what God wants me to be much more charitable in . . . . forgiveness for all. He didn't say, "Susan, you should forgive the ones who lie to you or hurt your feelings or turn their backs on you, but I don't expect you to forgive those who have physically, emotionally, and sexually abused and tormented you in the past". I've argued with God so many times over the years - He surely couldn't expect me to forgive THAT person of THAT. . . . I think I've convinced myself that it was just too much of Him to expect. This morning, however, I could no longer ignore the fact that there are those who I must forgive, really forgive - not just in words but really forgive in my heart.
A few years ago I was advised by a very wise lady that I should pray every day for those who have caused me pain and those who have disappointed me in my life. She told me that each time I pray for those people, my heart will become softer and gentler toward those people. Well, I've done that with those who have committed "little trespasses" against me - and it works. It absolutely works. And. . . . honestly, I have tried praying for a couple of people who treated me in brutal and even criminal ways in years past, those who wreaked havoc in my very soul, but I can't seem to get the words out and I eventually just stop trying. It seems the disdain and contempt is always hiding way down deep and just the mere mention of a name or simply seeing them from a distance stirs it all up again until it begins to seep into my thoughts and I'm reminded of horrible things. I know that's Satan. I know Satan gets a thrill every time I allow that to happen. I know it saddens my Lord when I allow that to happen. It's just the most difficult obstacle in my Christian life I've ever had to deal with and I want to get past this. I really want to forgive and let go of my past. I want to be able to hear the name/names or see the person/persons without letting those gut-wrenching emotions build up again. God knows that and He's tried to help me overcome this for years, but I -for this reason and that reason and every other reason I can concoct- have refused to let Him take control of this stumbling block in my life. I know whatever I do for the Lord is useless, it's trash, without forgiveness for each and every person who has hurt me. I have to admit that those acts committed against me were no worse than sins I have committed against God in the past. My sins were so ugly and I was held so tightly in Satan's grasp at one point in my life, but Jesus Christ still forgave me. Every time I sin, I know I can run back to Him and His arms are open wide, ready to embrace me. His forgiveness is supernatural, yes. I am human, oh my yes. But, through Christ, we can have supernatural love and forgiveness for one another that can come only through trusting in Him. We can't do it through our humanness. . . . . but we can do it through Him. . . . . "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:13 . . . . How can we love if we don't forgive?
Today I begin the road to forgiveness. It might be a long trip, but I'm no longer going to argue with God and make excuses. I Am His and He Is Mine and through Him I can accomplish the previously-perceived "unimaginable" task of forgiving all. I'm so looking forward to the day when my heart can start softening toward those who I've held bitterness and anger against for so long. It will happen, He has promised. I just have to do my part and allow it to happen. With God in control, it's as much as accomplished already! I've given it to God and I will stay in closer communication with Him so I won't be tempted to take it back. I won't allow Satan to put thoughts into my head that will cause me to take a wrong turn and go backwards. Jesus is in control - Satan, you have no choice but to leave me alone! God has not suggested that I forgive, He hasn't "dared" me to forgive . . . . He has boldly and justly and lovingly ordered me to forgive. I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT! Period.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
What I Know
I'm not a scholar. I never even completed college. There are a lot of things I don't know. But - I do know the most important things that anybody could ever know. . . . . .
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is real.
I know he sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die a brutal death to cover my sins.
I know Jesus saved my life and because of Him I will have everlasting life when I leave this earth.
I know Jesus is with me every second of every day.
I know my life would be vastly different had I not accepted Him as my Savior.
I know without Him I would not have the promise of a home in Heaven.
I know because of what He did for me, I'll see Him face to face one day and He'll greet me with a hug!!!
I know I'll see my mom and my sweet friend, Beverly, again!
I know Jesus gives me peace that surpasses anything that anyone else can provide.
I know what it really means to be free!
I know how it feels to have complete peace in my soul, even in times of heartache and trouble.
I know when others let me down or turn their backs on me, He never has and never will.
I know I did nothing to deserve his Amazing Grace: He gave it to me as a gift because He loves me so much.
I know I could never repay Him for that gift that caused him so much pain and agony and ultimately His life.
I know I want to serve Him in this life and in eternity because of that Gift!
I know I've never regretted turning to Jesus and I never will regret asking Him into my heart.
I know it's not always convenient or politically correct to be a Christian and outwardly proclaim my devotion to Him . . .
But, I know He's worth any criticism and persecution that is directed toward me.
I know any ridicule I have suffered in the past or will endure in the future doesn't come close to what He endured for me.
I know I've let Him down so many times. . .
I know I will undoubtedly fail Him in the future . . .
But, I know I'll feel deeply burdened when that happens and
I know His Still Small Voice will guide me back to Him.
I know He is mine and I am His.
I know He'll never throw me away and I'll always be in His Hand.
I know I never had lasting peace and contentment before I bowed before Him for mercy
and relinquished my life to Him.
I know HE IS THE ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN, HE IS EVERLASTING LIFE.
I know there are those reading this now who are searching for lasting peace and satisfaction in everything imaginable in this life, but to no avail.
I know what it's like looking for happiness in the wrong places, finding it temporarily, and then hitting rock bottom again, time after time. . .
I know happiness is but for a season, joy is eternal.
I know True and Lasting Joy comes through Jesus Christ and Him alone.
I know how it feels to be alone in the dark, to feel so afraid, so sad, so helpless and hopeless.
I know how it feels to be with lots of people and still feel completely alone and empty.
I know that I am praying that everyone who reads this will come to Jesus and know the same Peace and Joy that I found 34 years ago and that I still have today.
I know that by simply calling out His Name . . . . Jesus . . . . there is a stirring in every heart.
I know that anyone who simply whispers The Sweet Name, The Name Above All Names, JESUS . . . will feel that stirring in their heart.
I know if you know Him as your Savior, the name of Jesus fills your soul with awe and overwhelming joy.
I know if you don't know Him, just the mention of His name will stir you with His convicting power.
I know if you simply ask Him, He'll cleanse the life-stains from your heart and will fill it with indescribable love, joy, and peace like you've never had before.
I know Jesus loves you and He desires more than anything that you'll come to Him.
I know you'll never regret trusting Jesus.
I know a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the most crucial and life-giving one you can have.
I know none of us are promised another day or even another breath.
I know tomorrow will be too late for too many.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son
That whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
*****If you're reading this and have questions or doubts about any of this, please get in touch with me. God got my attention in a huge way when I was 19 years old and I'll be so glad to share my story with you. When I think of others out there, possibly you, having turmoil and anxiety and total emptiness in their souls, it makes my heart very heavy for you. I know what it's like and I know the remedy for that: Jesus Christ and Him alone. I am a sinner saved by Grace and this I know without a single doubt. If you have questions or just need to talk about any of this, email me at surama@windstream.net.
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is real.
I know he sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die a brutal death to cover my sins.
I know Jesus saved my life and because of Him I will have everlasting life when I leave this earth.
I know Jesus is with me every second of every day.
I know my life would be vastly different had I not accepted Him as my Savior.
I know without Him I would not have the promise of a home in Heaven.
I know because of what He did for me, I'll see Him face to face one day and He'll greet me with a hug!!!
I know I'll see my mom and my sweet friend, Beverly, again!
I know Jesus gives me peace that surpasses anything that anyone else can provide.
I know what it really means to be free!
I know how it feels to have complete peace in my soul, even in times of heartache and trouble.
I know when others let me down or turn their backs on me, He never has and never will.
I know I did nothing to deserve his Amazing Grace: He gave it to me as a gift because He loves me so much.
I know I could never repay Him for that gift that caused him so much pain and agony and ultimately His life.
I know I want to serve Him in this life and in eternity because of that Gift!
I know I've never regretted turning to Jesus and I never will regret asking Him into my heart.
I know it's not always convenient or politically correct to be a Christian and outwardly proclaim my devotion to Him . . .
But, I know He's worth any criticism and persecution that is directed toward me.
I know any ridicule I have suffered in the past or will endure in the future doesn't come close to what He endured for me.
I know I've let Him down so many times. . .
I know I will undoubtedly fail Him in the future . . .
But, I know I'll feel deeply burdened when that happens and
I know His Still Small Voice will guide me back to Him.
I know He is mine and I am His.
I know He'll never throw me away and I'll always be in His Hand.
I know I never had lasting peace and contentment before I bowed before Him for mercy
and relinquished my life to Him.
I know HE IS THE ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN, HE IS EVERLASTING LIFE.
I know there are those reading this now who are searching for lasting peace and satisfaction in everything imaginable in this life, but to no avail.
I know what it's like looking for happiness in the wrong places, finding it temporarily, and then hitting rock bottom again, time after time. . .
I know happiness is but for a season, joy is eternal.
I know True and Lasting Joy comes through Jesus Christ and Him alone.
I know how it feels to be alone in the dark, to feel so afraid, so sad, so helpless and hopeless.
I know how it feels to be with lots of people and still feel completely alone and empty.
I know that I am praying that everyone who reads this will come to Jesus and know the same Peace and Joy that I found 34 years ago and that I still have today.
I know that by simply calling out His Name . . . . Jesus . . . . there is a stirring in every heart.
I know that anyone who simply whispers The Sweet Name, The Name Above All Names, JESUS . . . will feel that stirring in their heart.
I know if you know Him as your Savior, the name of Jesus fills your soul with awe and overwhelming joy.
I know if you don't know Him, just the mention of His name will stir you with His convicting power.
I know if you simply ask Him, He'll cleanse the life-stains from your heart and will fill it with indescribable love, joy, and peace like you've never had before.
I know Jesus loves you and He desires more than anything that you'll come to Him.
I know you'll never regret trusting Jesus.
I know a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the most crucial and life-giving one you can have.
I know none of us are promised another day or even another breath.
I know tomorrow will be too late for too many.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son
That whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
*****If you're reading this and have questions or doubts about any of this, please get in touch with me. God got my attention in a huge way when I was 19 years old and I'll be so glad to share my story with you. When I think of others out there, possibly you, having turmoil and anxiety and total emptiness in their souls, it makes my heart very heavy for you. I know what it's like and I know the remedy for that: Jesus Christ and Him alone. I am a sinner saved by Grace and this I know without a single doubt. If you have questions or just need to talk about any of this, email me at surama@windstream.net.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
What Heaven Looks Like . . .
How do I begin? I have so much in my heart . . . I'll just begin by saying Beverly McGuire was one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life, possibly THE best friend I've had on this earth. One of the last blogs I wrote was in November 2009 about this tremendous woman of faith (What Faith Looks Like) which gave the background of how we became friends years ago and how her journey with declining health began. I won't recap all of that but will try to start where I left off three years ago. So, I'll warn you ahead of time - this blog will most likely be lengthy. I'll try to summarize as best I can, but it's difficult for me not to get too detailed when it comes to something or someone so very precious to me. And Beverly Jo McGuire's friendship was a treasured gift I'll always hold in a very special place in my heart. The following paragraphs are going to be no doubt all over the place, jumping from topic to topic and from three years ago to three days ago. I apologize for that. It's the best I can do at this time. As memories and inspirational quotes from Beverly pop into my head, I'll write about it. This is as much a personal diary for myself as it is for anyone who might choose to read about my "adventures with Beverly". Here we go . . .
Beverly made me want to be a better person - Just being around her was an inspirational experience. Jesus was all over her - You could see Him in her eyes. She always knew when something was not exactly right with me, when something was bothering me. When she became ill, even a few days before the Lord called her Home, she could read me like a book. I believe it was this past Sunday night at the hospital. I'd helped Bev up for a few minutes and had just gotten her back into bed. She was completely exhausted after getting up, but in between her labored breaths she said, "Is everything okay?" I tried to assure her that everything was just hunky dory and told her everything was fine. But, in the typical Beverly fashion, she pressed on. "How's Kelli?" I assured her Kelli is doing great. She one by one went through the family: "Is Blake okay? Is your Dad okay? Is Kristi okay?" I again told her everything was fine. But, she could just tell. I never fibbed to Beverly because she knew me too well. I didn't want to fib to her, but she was in such a fragile state and I certainly didn't want to add anything to that. I had no choice, however, but to tell her what was going on at that time - a family member having medical tests done and there was some concern from the doctor that it could be serious. Beverly said, "I knew there was something I needed to be praying about". I told her these health issues with family members seemed to be happening all at once but that we just get up every morning and face another day and do what we need to do. Beverly's response was (I'm trying to word it exactly how she said it) "That's exactly what we all have to do - get up each morning and face a new day and just look forward to our Perfect Day" . . . . She paused a second and then said, "Susan, mine's coming soon". I hugged her and we cried together.
Beverly was the ultimate optimist. Making lemonade from lemons was one of her many gifts. It was impossible to be down and out in Beverly's presence. If you were having a bad day going, you were uplifted leaving. About a year ago, Beverly and I were coming back from a doctor's appointment when she shared with me that she felt she needed to do a Bible study on Heaven, but she wasn't exactly sure about the details. I was very excited about it and I relayed to her that she definitely should pursue that. She told me at that time that it wasn't that she had any kind of special perspective on Heaven or insight to Heaven. She made it clear that it was to help her prepare for what was to come and she wanted others to share that with her through a Bible study. She began to get emotional and said she wanted to be "okay" with leaving her friends and family behind and moving on to Heaven. She said she wanted to "yearn for Heaven" instead of wanting to stay here with all of us. She thought an indepth Bible study on Heaven would possibly help her do that. She conducted a "Heaven" study with a small group of people at Antioch church shortly after that. I believe it was a six-week study and it was awesome. I believe every person in that room received a huge blessing from that study and it made it even more special because Beverly was in charge of it.
Beverly loved to come out to relax in our pool. Some of our best heart to heart talks have been while floating around on air mattresses in the pool. Last spring 2011 we were "chilling out" and just having some relaxation time in the pool when a thundershower suddenly came up. It started raining very slightly but quickly turned into a downpour. We jumped out of the pool, grabbed our towels, and sat on the swing under the awning. IT WAS LITERALLY POURING!!! We giggled like two little girls. The rain kept coming down loudly for a long time, but we were warm and dry under the swing awning wrapped in our towels. The rain finally lightened up to a steady spring shower and Bev started talking about how very relaxed she was right then. We sat there quietly for awhile, just swinging and listening to the rain. Suddenly the awning over the swing could no longer hold the amount of rain that had been barreling down and collapsed right on top of us! Bev and I looked like drowned rats. After jumping up and squealing, we looked at each other and laughed until we hurt. Buddy had been observing us from the kitchen window and got a laugh out of it too! . . . . . Just one of those silly, precious memories with Beverly that I doubt I'll ever forget.
My relationship with Beverly was always one that I thanked God for frequently. I always tell God that I don't understand why He would bestow such a blessing on me, but I'm so very thankful that He did. She was such a woman of character and morality and faith and everything that a Christian should be. She amazed me on a regular basis for 23 years! If I'm a fraction of the lady she was, I think I'll be doing okay. Like I've said many times over the years, Beverly makes me want to be a better person. She was always ALWAYS thinking about everyone else. Even a couple of hours before she took her last breath, she was still worrying about everyone else. That was who she was.
Early Sunday morning Beverly became very nauseated and needed more Phenergan. The nurse came in with the medicine but couldn't get it to go into the port. She tried and tried, still no progress. She decided the port was clogged and told Beverly she was going to have to flush it. That didn't work either. The nurse tried to maneuver the needle and it became very uncomfortable for Bev. She was obviously in distress. I went to the other side of Bev and held her hand and helplessly tried to make it all better for her. Beverly looked straight into my eyes and said, "How is Kelli doing?" In a moment of extreme discomfort and sickness, she was still thinking about others. After the problem with the port was solved, which turned into a major ordeal and took over an hour to correct, Beverly began to relax and sleep. As I sat there, the enormity of what had just happened began to soak in. It was then I discovered Beverly's secret for dealing with unpleasant situations: When life throws seemingly unbearable situations or circumstances at you, concentrate on others and not yourself. Simple and profound all at the same time! . . . . Just one of the many life lessons I've been taught by Beverly.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime. Beverly knew about the big mistakes I'd made, except for one. This one was so huge I always worried that if she knew she would look at me in a different light. The thought of Beverly feeling differently toward me was overwhelming. Of course, I should've known better. Beverly was true blue, a friend no matter what. I just never wanted to risk a glitch in our close friendship by revealing to her the ugliest part of my past. For the past 30+ years, only my husband knew. Within the past year, I shared it with my children (after going through counseling). The two ladies who counseled with me have become dear friends. So, there were only six people on this earth that knew that part about me. At the end of weeks of counseling, it was strongly suggested by one of the counselors that I share my story with my dear friend, Beverly. They knew how important she was to me and how I cherished our friendship. The thought of telling her literally made me ill. But, I knew in my heart it needed to be done. I'd always felt that I was keeping a huge secret from Beverly and that made me feel very guilty for years. I knew I had to talk to her because she deserved to know. I prayed about it for several weeks, asking God to give me courage. I knew if Beverly pulled away from our friendship because of it that it was just a cross I would have to bear. But, I had to tell her everything.
I started leading up to what I needed to talk to Bev about very gradually. One day I told her I really needed to talk to her about something. She looked at me very curiously and said, "Well, okay. . ." My heart was about to jump out of my chest and I got cold feet. I told her I needed to talk to her when we had more time. For the next few weeks she would ask me, "Do you need to talk to me yet". I tried so many times, but I just could not get the words out. So, I printed out my book version of my story and took it to Beverly. I told her that it was long and intense and I would just leave it with her to read at her convenience. She took the story from my hand, looked at me very intensely and said, "Are you okay?" I told her I just hoped that her opinion of me didn't change after she read my story and I began to cry. She hugged me tightly as I cried and told me that she loved me and that nothing could ever change that. She said, "We're family, Susan - you can tell me anything". I left her house feeling a little better but still unsure of what Bev's response would be.
That night Beverly called me and said she'd read story. She was crying. She told me she wanted to wait until the next day and come to my house to talk to me, but she just felt she needed to call me and not wait. She said she was giving me a hug "through the phone line". I told her I could feel it. We both giggled a little. I'm not ready to share the words, the very wise words, Beverly said to me that night. I know without a doubt God had told Beverly exactly what to say. That burden I'd carried all those years about keeping the "big secret" from Beverly was lifted that night on the phone. If only we had more Beverlys in the world . . .
Last October I was blessed by being in the company of six very special people in my life at a very special occasion. Beverly was one of those special people. She was feeling very ill that day, but she was there with her sweet comforting smile and her "Beverly hug". That day was probably one of the sweetest days in my entire life. Thank you, Beverly.
Sunday evening Buddy walked into the hospital and I told him to let Beverly know he was there, even though she had her eyes closed and was resting. I knew she would want to know he was there. I told her that Buddy was there and he walked over so she could see him. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and she said, "Buddy, sing!" Buddy looked at me like he didn't know what to do and I told him she wanted him to sing so he needed to sing. I asked Bev what she would like for Buddy to sing. Without hesitation she said, "Sweet By and By". Buddy looked a bit worried and mouthed to me, "I don't know all the words". I told him I knew the first first and I would help him quietly. I basically was only moving my mouth, distinctly mouthing the words, and Buddy pretty much just read my lips. Buddy quietly sang and Beverly closed her eyes with that oh-so-sweet smile. He finished the one verse I could remember and Beverly said, "Well, that was nice but it was too short". She told Buddy that if he couldn't remember the words that she thought she had a hymnal in the drawer. I was looking for the hymnal when Marla Hill walked in and told us Roy would be there after church was over. Since there was no hymnal in the hospital room to be found, Marla said she would get Roy to bring one with him from church. When Roy arrived, we had church in Bev's hospital room! And when I say we had church, I mean WE HAD CHURCH! Beverly told them what songs she wanted to hear them sing and they sang every one she requested. The last one was Amazing Grace and Beverly actually sang a few words with them on that one. It was like a little piece of Heaven on earth. The Holy Spirit was present in a huge way - a sweet, sweet time with our sweet, sweet Beverly. After Amazing Grace had been sung, it was obvious that Beverly was becoming very tired. Bro. Roy said we'd have prayer, starting with him and ending with Buddy. I believe there were eight of us present. We all joined hands. Marla and I were holding Beverly's hands. When I finished my short prayer, I waited for Marla to start her prayer. . . . but, it wasn't Marla's voice we heard then - it was Beverly's! In her very weakened state, after only being able to mumble words very weakly for several days, Beverly prayed the most awe-inspiring prayer I've ever heard - very strongly, very clearly proclaiming her love for Jesus and thanking Him for everything He's done for her and praying for all of us. I know she prayed for at least five minutes, very strongly. After Marla and Buddy prayed, we all began to wipe our tears and share with each other how blessed we all were by that service and mostly by Beverly's prayer.
There are so many more stories, but I'm going to end with this one which has to be shared. Yesterday, July 10, my daughters and I were in the room with Bev with several other people. My two daughters, Kristi and Kelli, were sitting within eye range of Beverly. Marla said to Beverly, "Kristi and Kelli are here to see you". Beverly opened her eyes very wide and looked over at the two girls. They gave her a little wave and Beverly lifted her arm up and waved back before falling back to sleep. What a special moment for Kristi and Kelli. They each had the opportunity to quietly speak to Beverly and tell her things they wanted only her to hear. I doubt either one of them will ever forget "Ms. McGuire" giving them her final wave. Within only a couple of hours, she would take her last breath.
There's no doubt Beverly is singing in the heavenly choir. She always did have an angelic voice! Thank you, Beverly, for your friendship and for the many lessons you taught me over the years about how to truly live life to its fullest. I love you, sister. I'll see you later!
Beverly made me want to be a better person - Just being around her was an inspirational experience. Jesus was all over her - You could see Him in her eyes. She always knew when something was not exactly right with me, when something was bothering me. When she became ill, even a few days before the Lord called her Home, she could read me like a book. I believe it was this past Sunday night at the hospital. I'd helped Bev up for a few minutes and had just gotten her back into bed. She was completely exhausted after getting up, but in between her labored breaths she said, "Is everything okay?" I tried to assure her that everything was just hunky dory and told her everything was fine. But, in the typical Beverly fashion, she pressed on. "How's Kelli?" I assured her Kelli is doing great. She one by one went through the family: "Is Blake okay? Is your Dad okay? Is Kristi okay?" I again told her everything was fine. But, she could just tell. I never fibbed to Beverly because she knew me too well. I didn't want to fib to her, but she was in such a fragile state and I certainly didn't want to add anything to that. I had no choice, however, but to tell her what was going on at that time - a family member having medical tests done and there was some concern from the doctor that it could be serious. Beverly said, "I knew there was something I needed to be praying about". I told her these health issues with family members seemed to be happening all at once but that we just get up every morning and face another day and do what we need to do. Beverly's response was (I'm trying to word it exactly how she said it) "That's exactly what we all have to do - get up each morning and face a new day and just look forward to our Perfect Day" . . . . She paused a second and then said, "Susan, mine's coming soon". I hugged her and we cried together.
Beverly was the ultimate optimist. Making lemonade from lemons was one of her many gifts. It was impossible to be down and out in Beverly's presence. If you were having a bad day going, you were uplifted leaving. About a year ago, Beverly and I were coming back from a doctor's appointment when she shared with me that she felt she needed to do a Bible study on Heaven, but she wasn't exactly sure about the details. I was very excited about it and I relayed to her that she definitely should pursue that. She told me at that time that it wasn't that she had any kind of special perspective on Heaven or insight to Heaven. She made it clear that it was to help her prepare for what was to come and she wanted others to share that with her through a Bible study. She began to get emotional and said she wanted to be "okay" with leaving her friends and family behind and moving on to Heaven. She said she wanted to "yearn for Heaven" instead of wanting to stay here with all of us. She thought an indepth Bible study on Heaven would possibly help her do that. She conducted a "Heaven" study with a small group of people at Antioch church shortly after that. I believe it was a six-week study and it was awesome. I believe every person in that room received a huge blessing from that study and it made it even more special because Beverly was in charge of it.
Beverly loved to come out to relax in our pool. Some of our best heart to heart talks have been while floating around on air mattresses in the pool. Last spring 2011 we were "chilling out" and just having some relaxation time in the pool when a thundershower suddenly came up. It started raining very slightly but quickly turned into a downpour. We jumped out of the pool, grabbed our towels, and sat on the swing under the awning. IT WAS LITERALLY POURING!!! We giggled like two little girls. The rain kept coming down loudly for a long time, but we were warm and dry under the swing awning wrapped in our towels. The rain finally lightened up to a steady spring shower and Bev started talking about how very relaxed she was right then. We sat there quietly for awhile, just swinging and listening to the rain. Suddenly the awning over the swing could no longer hold the amount of rain that had been barreling down and collapsed right on top of us! Bev and I looked like drowned rats. After jumping up and squealing, we looked at each other and laughed until we hurt. Buddy had been observing us from the kitchen window and got a laugh out of it too! . . . . . Just one of those silly, precious memories with Beverly that I doubt I'll ever forget.
My relationship with Beverly was always one that I thanked God for frequently. I always tell God that I don't understand why He would bestow such a blessing on me, but I'm so very thankful that He did. She was such a woman of character and morality and faith and everything that a Christian should be. She amazed me on a regular basis for 23 years! If I'm a fraction of the lady she was, I think I'll be doing okay. Like I've said many times over the years, Beverly makes me want to be a better person. She was always ALWAYS thinking about everyone else. Even a couple of hours before she took her last breath, she was still worrying about everyone else. That was who she was.
Early Sunday morning Beverly became very nauseated and needed more Phenergan. The nurse came in with the medicine but couldn't get it to go into the port. She tried and tried, still no progress. She decided the port was clogged and told Beverly she was going to have to flush it. That didn't work either. The nurse tried to maneuver the needle and it became very uncomfortable for Bev. She was obviously in distress. I went to the other side of Bev and held her hand and helplessly tried to make it all better for her. Beverly looked straight into my eyes and said, "How is Kelli doing?" In a moment of extreme discomfort and sickness, she was still thinking about others. After the problem with the port was solved, which turned into a major ordeal and took over an hour to correct, Beverly began to relax and sleep. As I sat there, the enormity of what had just happened began to soak in. It was then I discovered Beverly's secret for dealing with unpleasant situations: When life throws seemingly unbearable situations or circumstances at you, concentrate on others and not yourself. Simple and profound all at the same time! . . . . Just one of the many life lessons I've been taught by Beverly.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime. Beverly knew about the big mistakes I'd made, except for one. This one was so huge I always worried that if she knew she would look at me in a different light. The thought of Beverly feeling differently toward me was overwhelming. Of course, I should've known better. Beverly was true blue, a friend no matter what. I just never wanted to risk a glitch in our close friendship by revealing to her the ugliest part of my past. For the past 30+ years, only my husband knew. Within the past year, I shared it with my children (after going through counseling). The two ladies who counseled with me have become dear friends. So, there were only six people on this earth that knew that part about me. At the end of weeks of counseling, it was strongly suggested by one of the counselors that I share my story with my dear friend, Beverly. They knew how important she was to me and how I cherished our friendship. The thought of telling her literally made me ill. But, I knew in my heart it needed to be done. I'd always felt that I was keeping a huge secret from Beverly and that made me feel very guilty for years. I knew I had to talk to her because she deserved to know. I prayed about it for several weeks, asking God to give me courage. I knew if Beverly pulled away from our friendship because of it that it was just a cross I would have to bear. But, I had to tell her everything.
I started leading up to what I needed to talk to Bev about very gradually. One day I told her I really needed to talk to her about something. She looked at me very curiously and said, "Well, okay. . ." My heart was about to jump out of my chest and I got cold feet. I told her I needed to talk to her when we had more time. For the next few weeks she would ask me, "Do you need to talk to me yet". I tried so many times, but I just could not get the words out. So, I printed out my book version of my story and took it to Beverly. I told her that it was long and intense and I would just leave it with her to read at her convenience. She took the story from my hand, looked at me very intensely and said, "Are you okay?" I told her I just hoped that her opinion of me didn't change after she read my story and I began to cry. She hugged me tightly as I cried and told me that she loved me and that nothing could ever change that. She said, "We're family, Susan - you can tell me anything". I left her house feeling a little better but still unsure of what Bev's response would be.
That night Beverly called me and said she'd read story. She was crying. She told me she wanted to wait until the next day and come to my house to talk to me, but she just felt she needed to call me and not wait. She said she was giving me a hug "through the phone line". I told her I could feel it. We both giggled a little. I'm not ready to share the words, the very wise words, Beverly said to me that night. I know without a doubt God had told Beverly exactly what to say. That burden I'd carried all those years about keeping the "big secret" from Beverly was lifted that night on the phone. If only we had more Beverlys in the world . . .
Last October I was blessed by being in the company of six very special people in my life at a very special occasion. Beverly was one of those special people. She was feeling very ill that day, but she was there with her sweet comforting smile and her "Beverly hug". That day was probably one of the sweetest days in my entire life. Thank you, Beverly.
Sunday evening Buddy walked into the hospital and I told him to let Beverly know he was there, even though she had her eyes closed and was resting. I knew she would want to know he was there. I told her that Buddy was there and he walked over so she could see him. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and she said, "Buddy, sing!" Buddy looked at me like he didn't know what to do and I told him she wanted him to sing so he needed to sing. I asked Bev what she would like for Buddy to sing. Without hesitation she said, "Sweet By and By". Buddy looked a bit worried and mouthed to me, "I don't know all the words". I told him I knew the first first and I would help him quietly. I basically was only moving my mouth, distinctly mouthing the words, and Buddy pretty much just read my lips. Buddy quietly sang and Beverly closed her eyes with that oh-so-sweet smile. He finished the one verse I could remember and Beverly said, "Well, that was nice but it was too short". She told Buddy that if he couldn't remember the words that she thought she had a hymnal in the drawer. I was looking for the hymnal when Marla Hill walked in and told us Roy would be there after church was over. Since there was no hymnal in the hospital room to be found, Marla said she would get Roy to bring one with him from church. When Roy arrived, we had church in Bev's hospital room! And when I say we had church, I mean WE HAD CHURCH! Beverly told them what songs she wanted to hear them sing and they sang every one she requested. The last one was Amazing Grace and Beverly actually sang a few words with them on that one. It was like a little piece of Heaven on earth. The Holy Spirit was present in a huge way - a sweet, sweet time with our sweet, sweet Beverly. After Amazing Grace had been sung, it was obvious that Beverly was becoming very tired. Bro. Roy said we'd have prayer, starting with him and ending with Buddy. I believe there were eight of us present. We all joined hands. Marla and I were holding Beverly's hands. When I finished my short prayer, I waited for Marla to start her prayer. . . . but, it wasn't Marla's voice we heard then - it was Beverly's! In her very weakened state, after only being able to mumble words very weakly for several days, Beverly prayed the most awe-inspiring prayer I've ever heard - very strongly, very clearly proclaiming her love for Jesus and thanking Him for everything He's done for her and praying for all of us. I know she prayed for at least five minutes, very strongly. After Marla and Buddy prayed, we all began to wipe our tears and share with each other how blessed we all were by that service and mostly by Beverly's prayer.
There are so many more stories, but I'm going to end with this one which has to be shared. Yesterday, July 10, my daughters and I were in the room with Bev with several other people. My two daughters, Kristi and Kelli, were sitting within eye range of Beverly. Marla said to Beverly, "Kristi and Kelli are here to see you". Beverly opened her eyes very wide and looked over at the two girls. They gave her a little wave and Beverly lifted her arm up and waved back before falling back to sleep. What a special moment for Kristi and Kelli. They each had the opportunity to quietly speak to Beverly and tell her things they wanted only her to hear. I doubt either one of them will ever forget "Ms. McGuire" giving them her final wave. Within only a couple of hours, she would take her last breath.
There's no doubt Beverly is singing in the heavenly choir. She always did have an angelic voice! Thank you, Beverly, for your friendship and for the many lessons you taught me over the years about how to truly live life to its fullest. I love you, sister. I'll see you later!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
"Be Still and Know . . . "
I was in my warm, cozy bed. It was so chilly and I very much wanted to just go back to sleep. After all, it was 2:45 a.m.! This happens to me a whole lot these days, but this time it wasn't because of a terrible dream in which I'm drowning or being catapulted into the air unable to breathe. Nope. I was just suddenly awake - 2:45 a.m. and I'm wide awake! If you know me well, you know what I did next. . . .
Knowing I was more than likely going to be unable to go back to sleep, I started going over my "to do" list in my head. I have my schedule made out in order to be able to get all those Christmas chores done before the 25th arrives. Then, I start fretting about not getting enough sleep and being a cranky Scrooge over the holidays as a result . . . . and being a sluggish Nana when my granddaughters spend the night with us this weekend. I always try very hard to spend nothing but quality time with my granddaughters, which means playing nonstop. When I'm sleep-deprived, it becomes a chore instead of fun. So, now do I not only worry about all the "stuff" that I feel HAS to be done before the 25th, but also worrying about being too tired to enjoy my sweet grand-girls this weekend.
Of course, now I'm getting myself so keyed up with worry and anxiety that my heart is actually starting to pound harder. For a moment, I even consider getting up and making a fresh pot of coffee. Smart, huh? Instead, I try fluffing up my pillow and change positions. When I rolled over, I was facing the painting I'd recently purchased from the Christian Bookstore. The street light from outside was casting just enough light on the painting to make it visible. It was beautiful, breathtaking actually. It was shimmering like glitter and it seemed to me in the wee hours of the morning that this painting was the only thing in the room that had any light at all on it. In those moments, the room was otherwise completely dark, completely silent. I could not take my eyes from the picture on the wall.
I'd admired this painting for months before I finally decided to purchase it, but I'd never seen it in this light before. . . . . . I'm again choking up thinking about it now. The painting, a lone tree in the middle of huge drifts of snow, appears bare and a bit forlorn at first glance. Then, my eyes wandered down to the words at the bottom, barely visible but so distinct. "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"......
My heart was immediately stirred and I began to cry. God was speaking to me through that awesome painting. I apologized to Him for letting the anxiety of the holidays overwhelm me. I thanked Him for Christmas Day, when He gave us the Best Gift any of us could ever receive. I thanked Him for His Love and Grace and Mercy. . . . . Those words, "Be still", were almost audible to me in that moment, not only in my heart but in my ears. I felt the unmatchable Peace and Love of my God so strongly, so strongly . . . . there are no words to describe His Perfect Peace.
I was basking in these moments, so completely consumed with Him, when I noticed something else in the painting. The huge tree, which looked so lonely and forsaken, was near an old wooden fence. The tree was almost touching the fence. As I studied this, I began to wonder if the tree was enclosed within the fence's boundaries or was actually outside the fenced-off area. I suppose this is for the individual interpretation of the beholder. I'm pretty sure the artist planned it this way. There have been so many times I've felt "outside the fence" of God's protection. Those times (which I regrettably admit have been way too many in number) when I've leaned on my own understanding and asked God "Why?" Those times when I've been angry about different curve balls I've been thrown over the years. Those times when my family has suffered tragedy and I've been bitter and unsure about anything I'd been taught all my life about God's Grace and Mercy, and how I'd questioned the fact that God will not put more on His children than they can handle. Those times when, as a child, I couldn't understand why I'd sing Jesus Loves Me in Sunday School class but couldn't really grasp that idea because of things that had happened to me, things that Jesus would've protected me from if He really did love me. Those times when I've been a backslider and put Him way down on my priority list. Those times when it's been all about me. . . . . my hurts, my pain, my lack of joy.
Before this moment in the wee hours of the morning on December 16, 2010, I'd viewed this tree in the painting as being outside of the fence, far away from the other trees that are barely visible in the background. Now, I see it in a totally new light. This tree is now within the fence's borders. The fence offers refuge, security, shelter, protection for this massive tree, which is now in another winter of its long life. In the outskirts, there is a forest - far away from this lonely tree. I'd previously thought of this as the enemy of the tree, something to be wary of and something to avoid. I'd actually had a dream one night about being lost in this forest in the painting, alone and frightened with no one around to protect me. In this nightmare, I kept thinking, "I've got to find the big oak and then I'll be safe and can find my way back home". Wow . . . . . I just remembered this and it's SO relevant!!! (Thank you God! Oh my . . . . here come the tears again. . . . I never found my way out of that forest in that nightmare . . . . another night I woke up flailing and unable to breathe.) Now, as I looked at this painting, I began to see this forest differently as well. (Something else I'm sure the artist had in mind when he was painting it.)
This forest now denotes to me all the many friends and family members God has blessed me with over the years. When I'm alone and feeling sad or abandoned by someone I love, I know there are so many people in my life who are there for me. Those people who are also within the fence's protective borders and strive daily to stay within God's will. Those are the people I should spend time with and confide in when times get tough and Satan begins to throw past experiences and strongholds in my face. . . . . . I need to remember to stay within God's fence or "threshold of protection" at all times. I should remember at those times of insecurity and shame and sadness and pain to get in Satan's face and tell him to "Back Off!" When Satan reminds me of my past, I'll immediately remind him of his future! Satan is outside of the fence, just waiting to pounce when I put even one foot over, and that's where I never want to be again.
This huge oak tree had always appeared cold, barren, desolate, abandoned, and without any appearance of life whatsoever. And then, I read the words underneath aloud and feel God reminding me that this tree is NOT dead. This tree has NOT been abandoned, and neither have any of the trees in the forest in the background of the painting been abandoned; although, they too appear empty and without life. They are all merely going through a tough winter - TOGETHER! "Be still and know" . . . . Know that the cold winter is temporary. Know that soon the snow will melt, the frozen ground will begin to warm and soften, life will once again begin to sprout from the trees and from the ground. Know that God will soon paint a gorgeous mural all around us. The grays and browns will soon be transformed into all the hues of red and blue and yellow and green!
Through my sleeplessness and through this inspired painting, God reminded me of some very important truths in the wee hours of this chilly December morning. I felt that He wanted me to take time out of this busy holiday season and share.
God's Reminders: 2:45 a.m. / December 16, 2010:
*Never even get close to going outside the fence of God's protection. Stay in His Word daily. Talk to Him daily. Keep Him NUMBER ONE in my life. Don't let busyness take priority over God. Stay well within the fence's borders - Satan is cunning. He knows what my most fought against temptations are and those are the very things he's waiting to wave in front of me. The devil is right on the other side of the fence, parading my past sins or those sinful things which are so alluring. He's constantly watching. It's his ambition and evil desire to trip me up. Satan knows his destiny and he wants to take as many to hell with him as he can. He knows he can't take away my salvation, but he will do everything in his power to take away my testimony. He can't have my heart, but he can still get in through my mind. When I allow myself to become depressed, angry, unforgiving, bitter, or selfish and put my own needs before the needs of others, gossip, view certain television shows, or a multitude of other sins, Satan has begun to lure me to the wrong side of the fence. I know lost people are always watching Christians and "sizing" us up. I'm very convicted and saddened to think about how many times a lost person has seen or heard me act "unChristian-like" and has possibly decided there's absolutely no difference in this "so-called" Christian and that it's all nonsense, simply from observing me when I was on the other side of the fence.
Lord, please help me to keep that in mind for the remaining days of life here on this earth. Somebody is always watching . . . . . Help me in some way guide them to You and not push them further away from You.
*Keep company with Godly friends and family members. Those who will always be there for me and those I can really trust are few and far between, but those few are my "forest" and are always there with me, inside the fence, ready and willing to help me fight off Satan's attacks and accusations and helping me stay within the safety of the fence. I hope and pray that I also serve as part of my dear friends' and family members' "forests" as well. Together we can lift one another up, hold one another accountable, share one another's burdens, and remind one another that winter is temporary and spring is just around the corner. We can strengthen one another's faith. We should never have to suffer through life's difficult circumstances alone. When a friend is suffering, true friends suffer along with them and help them through what is sometimes a very long, hard winter.
*I am promised a threshold of protection when I yearn to be in God's Will. It's completely my choice. I can choose to indulge in that one "little" sin and take a step closer to the edge of the fence. One step leads to another and I can find myself on the other side before I know what has happened. . . . . the other side is very unpleasant and if I keep walking further away from the fence, it can be very costly and even deadly. God has promised that He will never take away my salvation, but He will remove His hedge of protection if I stray too far away from the fence. This is how He draws me back to His warm embrace and shields me from the world's darkness and Satan's lies. Tough love. If I choose sin, He will enforce his Fatherly discipline for my own good. He is saddened when I choose to brush off His Perfect Love. He loves me enough to allow Satan to have his way with me, if I choose to cross over the fence and run away from Him. He'll allow Satan to replace The Father's unspeakable Joy and Peace (that only comes from unwavering faith in Jesus) with depression, anger, hatred, and eventually with indulging in so much sin that I could create for myself an entirely different environment, removing myself from family, friends, church. A person can become so wrapped up in doing his/her own thing, whatever that may be, and enjoy it so much for a season that he/she steers clear of anyone or anything that might cause them to be convicted of their wrongdoing. That's when it becomes extremely dangerous. I've seen this happen to people who are close to me and I do not want this to ever become my personal story. God knows what is best for me. Just like any loving parent, when He sees one of his children straying away from the shelter of His protective hedge, He longs to bring him/her back into His arms for safety against the devil's snares and entrapments. He simply wants to take care of his kids. Father knows best. Period.
*It's so vital to us as Christians to stay attuned to God's voice and strive continually to stay within His Will. Satan is a cunning, shrewd scoundrel and none of us are beyond being caught in his web of deception if we don't keep an open conversation with God and stay in His Word. I've personally witnessed Satan and his lies bring down many people who had previously been God-fearing Christians. None of us can ever let our guard down and be lured too close to that fence!
*I'm so very thankful for those friends and family members who never gave up on me and prayed for me all those years before I finally gave my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I'm also very thankful for those who have been there for me in times when I've come way too close to the fence, losing faith, and even almost climbing over the fence a few times. I'm thankful for those who have loved me enough to be brutally honest with me and keeping me accountable. A person can never have too many trees in his/her forest!
*I'm ready now to enjoy this day God has blessed me with! (By the way, I did actually fall back to sleep after my "enlightenment" this morning, and I slept better than I have in a very long time for those next couple of hours. Thank you again, Abba! I feel like I actually have a new lease on life. I know winter will pass. There's nothing that I can't handle with God guiding my way. My Father is always right here with me, ready to give me a whipping if I get too close to that fence! I have trustworthy friends and family members who are always there for me; and I will strive even harder to stay away from the wrong side of the fence! My desire is to stay within the boundaries of that fence and draw closer to God, putting away negative thoughts, worry, and anxiety, and kicking Satan in the face every time he attempts to bring these things to the forefront again. I very much want to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times . . . . . at all times.
*Oh yeah . . . . and my "to do" list is a lot shorter now. I marked off those things I thought were so necessary and it shortened my list a whole lot! After all, who notices if the house is not spic-n-span on Christmas Day? It's not like we're living in an unhealthy environment that the Health Department would board up and label "unsafe for humans". What's a little dust (actually a lot of dust) on the furniture and a few sticky spots on the floor? We'll have a wonderful meal, watch the little ones open their gifts, and remember, above all, that Jesus is the reason we are all allowed to celebrate this day together in the first place. Merry Christmas!
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:10-11
"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety will abide under the protection of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I trust!' For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His wings; you will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend you." Psalm 91:1-4
"God will put His angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 91:11
"God says, 'I will save those who love Me and will protect those who acknowledge Me as Lord. When they call to Me, I will answer them, when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honor them.' Psalm 91:14-15
Knowing I was more than likely going to be unable to go back to sleep, I started going over my "to do" list in my head. I have my schedule made out in order to be able to get all those Christmas chores done before the 25th arrives. Then, I start fretting about not getting enough sleep and being a cranky Scrooge over the holidays as a result . . . . and being a sluggish Nana when my granddaughters spend the night with us this weekend. I always try very hard to spend nothing but quality time with my granddaughters, which means playing nonstop. When I'm sleep-deprived, it becomes a chore instead of fun. So, now do I not only worry about all the "stuff" that I feel HAS to be done before the 25th, but also worrying about being too tired to enjoy my sweet grand-girls this weekend.
Of course, now I'm getting myself so keyed up with worry and anxiety that my heart is actually starting to pound harder. For a moment, I even consider getting up and making a fresh pot of coffee. Smart, huh? Instead, I try fluffing up my pillow and change positions. When I rolled over, I was facing the painting I'd recently purchased from the Christian Bookstore. The street light from outside was casting just enough light on the painting to make it visible. It was beautiful, breathtaking actually. It was shimmering like glitter and it seemed to me in the wee hours of the morning that this painting was the only thing in the room that had any light at all on it. In those moments, the room was otherwise completely dark, completely silent. I could not take my eyes from the picture on the wall.
I'd admired this painting for months before I finally decided to purchase it, but I'd never seen it in this light before. . . . . . I'm again choking up thinking about it now. The painting, a lone tree in the middle of huge drifts of snow, appears bare and a bit forlorn at first glance. Then, my eyes wandered down to the words at the bottom, barely visible but so distinct. "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"......
My heart was immediately stirred and I began to cry. God was speaking to me through that awesome painting. I apologized to Him for letting the anxiety of the holidays overwhelm me. I thanked Him for Christmas Day, when He gave us the Best Gift any of us could ever receive. I thanked Him for His Love and Grace and Mercy. . . . . Those words, "Be still", were almost audible to me in that moment, not only in my heart but in my ears. I felt the unmatchable Peace and Love of my God so strongly, so strongly . . . . there are no words to describe His Perfect Peace.
I was basking in these moments, so completely consumed with Him, when I noticed something else in the painting. The huge tree, which looked so lonely and forsaken, was near an old wooden fence. The tree was almost touching the fence. As I studied this, I began to wonder if the tree was enclosed within the fence's boundaries or was actually outside the fenced-off area. I suppose this is for the individual interpretation of the beholder. I'm pretty sure the artist planned it this way. There have been so many times I've felt "outside the fence" of God's protection. Those times (which I regrettably admit have been way too many in number) when I've leaned on my own understanding and asked God "Why?" Those times when I've been angry about different curve balls I've been thrown over the years. Those times when my family has suffered tragedy and I've been bitter and unsure about anything I'd been taught all my life about God's Grace and Mercy, and how I'd questioned the fact that God will not put more on His children than they can handle. Those times when, as a child, I couldn't understand why I'd sing Jesus Loves Me in Sunday School class but couldn't really grasp that idea because of things that had happened to me, things that Jesus would've protected me from if He really did love me. Those times when I've been a backslider and put Him way down on my priority list. Those times when it's been all about me. . . . . my hurts, my pain, my lack of joy.
Before this moment in the wee hours of the morning on December 16, 2010, I'd viewed this tree in the painting as being outside of the fence, far away from the other trees that are barely visible in the background. Now, I see it in a totally new light. This tree is now within the fence's borders. The fence offers refuge, security, shelter, protection for this massive tree, which is now in another winter of its long life. In the outskirts, there is a forest - far away from this lonely tree. I'd previously thought of this as the enemy of the tree, something to be wary of and something to avoid. I'd actually had a dream one night about being lost in this forest in the painting, alone and frightened with no one around to protect me. In this nightmare, I kept thinking, "I've got to find the big oak and then I'll be safe and can find my way back home". Wow . . . . . I just remembered this and it's SO relevant!!! (Thank you God! Oh my . . . . here come the tears again. . . . I never found my way out of that forest in that nightmare . . . . another night I woke up flailing and unable to breathe.) Now, as I looked at this painting, I began to see this forest differently as well. (Something else I'm sure the artist had in mind when he was painting it.)
This forest now denotes to me all the many friends and family members God has blessed me with over the years. When I'm alone and feeling sad or abandoned by someone I love, I know there are so many people in my life who are there for me. Those people who are also within the fence's protective borders and strive daily to stay within God's will. Those are the people I should spend time with and confide in when times get tough and Satan begins to throw past experiences and strongholds in my face. . . . . . I need to remember to stay within God's fence or "threshold of protection" at all times. I should remember at those times of insecurity and shame and sadness and pain to get in Satan's face and tell him to "Back Off!" When Satan reminds me of my past, I'll immediately remind him of his future! Satan is outside of the fence, just waiting to pounce when I put even one foot over, and that's where I never want to be again.
This huge oak tree had always appeared cold, barren, desolate, abandoned, and without any appearance of life whatsoever. And then, I read the words underneath aloud and feel God reminding me that this tree is NOT dead. This tree has NOT been abandoned, and neither have any of the trees in the forest in the background of the painting been abandoned; although, they too appear empty and without life. They are all merely going through a tough winter - TOGETHER! "Be still and know" . . . . Know that the cold winter is temporary. Know that soon the snow will melt, the frozen ground will begin to warm and soften, life will once again begin to sprout from the trees and from the ground. Know that God will soon paint a gorgeous mural all around us. The grays and browns will soon be transformed into all the hues of red and blue and yellow and green!
Through my sleeplessness and through this inspired painting, God reminded me of some very important truths in the wee hours of this chilly December morning. I felt that He wanted me to take time out of this busy holiday season and share.
God's Reminders: 2:45 a.m. / December 16, 2010:
*Never even get close to going outside the fence of God's protection. Stay in His Word daily. Talk to Him daily. Keep Him NUMBER ONE in my life. Don't let busyness take priority over God. Stay well within the fence's borders - Satan is cunning. He knows what my most fought against temptations are and those are the very things he's waiting to wave in front of me. The devil is right on the other side of the fence, parading my past sins or those sinful things which are so alluring. He's constantly watching. It's his ambition and evil desire to trip me up. Satan knows his destiny and he wants to take as many to hell with him as he can. He knows he can't take away my salvation, but he will do everything in his power to take away my testimony. He can't have my heart, but he can still get in through my mind. When I allow myself to become depressed, angry, unforgiving, bitter, or selfish and put my own needs before the needs of others, gossip, view certain television shows, or a multitude of other sins, Satan has begun to lure me to the wrong side of the fence. I know lost people are always watching Christians and "sizing" us up. I'm very convicted and saddened to think about how many times a lost person has seen or heard me act "unChristian-like" and has possibly decided there's absolutely no difference in this "so-called" Christian and that it's all nonsense, simply from observing me when I was on the other side of the fence.
Lord, please help me to keep that in mind for the remaining days of life here on this earth. Somebody is always watching . . . . . Help me in some way guide them to You and not push them further away from You.
*Keep company with Godly friends and family members. Those who will always be there for me and those I can really trust are few and far between, but those few are my "forest" and are always there with me, inside the fence, ready and willing to help me fight off Satan's attacks and accusations and helping me stay within the safety of the fence. I hope and pray that I also serve as part of my dear friends' and family members' "forests" as well. Together we can lift one another up, hold one another accountable, share one another's burdens, and remind one another that winter is temporary and spring is just around the corner. We can strengthen one another's faith. We should never have to suffer through life's difficult circumstances alone. When a friend is suffering, true friends suffer along with them and help them through what is sometimes a very long, hard winter.
*I am promised a threshold of protection when I yearn to be in God's Will. It's completely my choice. I can choose to indulge in that one "little" sin and take a step closer to the edge of the fence. One step leads to another and I can find myself on the other side before I know what has happened. . . . . the other side is very unpleasant and if I keep walking further away from the fence, it can be very costly and even deadly. God has promised that He will never take away my salvation, but He will remove His hedge of protection if I stray too far away from the fence. This is how He draws me back to His warm embrace and shields me from the world's darkness and Satan's lies. Tough love. If I choose sin, He will enforce his Fatherly discipline for my own good. He is saddened when I choose to brush off His Perfect Love. He loves me enough to allow Satan to have his way with me, if I choose to cross over the fence and run away from Him. He'll allow Satan to replace The Father's unspeakable Joy and Peace (that only comes from unwavering faith in Jesus) with depression, anger, hatred, and eventually with indulging in so much sin that I could create for myself an entirely different environment, removing myself from family, friends, church. A person can become so wrapped up in doing his/her own thing, whatever that may be, and enjoy it so much for a season that he/she steers clear of anyone or anything that might cause them to be convicted of their wrongdoing. That's when it becomes extremely dangerous. I've seen this happen to people who are close to me and I do not want this to ever become my personal story. God knows what is best for me. Just like any loving parent, when He sees one of his children straying away from the shelter of His protective hedge, He longs to bring him/her back into His arms for safety against the devil's snares and entrapments. He simply wants to take care of his kids. Father knows best. Period.
*It's so vital to us as Christians to stay attuned to God's voice and strive continually to stay within His Will. Satan is a cunning, shrewd scoundrel and none of us are beyond being caught in his web of deception if we don't keep an open conversation with God and stay in His Word. I've personally witnessed Satan and his lies bring down many people who had previously been God-fearing Christians. None of us can ever let our guard down and be lured too close to that fence!
*I'm so very thankful for those friends and family members who never gave up on me and prayed for me all those years before I finally gave my life to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I'm also very thankful for those who have been there for me in times when I've come way too close to the fence, losing faith, and even almost climbing over the fence a few times. I'm thankful for those who have loved me enough to be brutally honest with me and keeping me accountable. A person can never have too many trees in his/her forest!
*I'm ready now to enjoy this day God has blessed me with! (By the way, I did actually fall back to sleep after my "enlightenment" this morning, and I slept better than I have in a very long time for those next couple of hours. Thank you again, Abba! I feel like I actually have a new lease on life. I know winter will pass. There's nothing that I can't handle with God guiding my way. My Father is always right here with me, ready to give me a whipping if I get too close to that fence! I have trustworthy friends and family members who are always there for me; and I will strive even harder to stay away from the wrong side of the fence! My desire is to stay within the boundaries of that fence and draw closer to God, putting away negative thoughts, worry, and anxiety, and kicking Satan in the face every time he attempts to bring these things to the forefront again. I very much want to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times . . . . . at all times.
*Oh yeah . . . . and my "to do" list is a lot shorter now. I marked off those things I thought were so necessary and it shortened my list a whole lot! After all, who notices if the house is not spic-n-span on Christmas Day? It's not like we're living in an unhealthy environment that the Health Department would board up and label "unsafe for humans". What's a little dust (actually a lot of dust) on the furniture and a few sticky spots on the floor? We'll have a wonderful meal, watch the little ones open their gifts, and remember, above all, that Jesus is the reason we are all allowed to celebrate this day together in the first place. Merry Christmas!
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:10-11
"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety will abide under the protection of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I trust!' For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His wings; you will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend you." Psalm 91:1-4
"God will put His angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 91:11
"God says, 'I will save those who love Me and will protect those who acknowledge Me as Lord. When they call to Me, I will answer them, when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honor them.' Psalm 91:14-15
Monday, November 22, 2010
"Little Preacher Boy"
"Little Preacher Boy"
This time of year stirs up memories about past holiday seasons. I can't help but reminisce about all those Thanksgiving feasts, getting together with family and eating until I thought I'd pop. Christmas memories are also always in the back of my mind. As Buddy and I talk about past celebrations, about those Christmases when our kids were little and how excited they always were when we finally gave them the okay to rip into their presents . . . we can never rehash those memories without both of us getting teary-eyed. He shares a memory with me and I share another one with him . . . . . silence and sniffles.
On our way to church yesterday, that's what Buddy and I were doing - remembering when our kids were little. We were laughing and crying at the same time. (We are both a couple of cry babies when it comes to our kids.) There are so many things I could write about when it comes to our kids when they were younger - and some day I plan to do that. But, on this day, one specific Christmas memory is stuck in my head and I feel the need to share that with anyone who decides to read this blog.
This Christmas memory is about our son, Blake. He was quite a little boy. There was never a dull moment with Blake around, ask anyone who knew him back then. He was a character, but he was also very sweet and kindhearted and always wanted to make people around him feel happy. When he was just a toddler, he would drag out a little table that his Pappa Martin had made, put on his cowboy boots and cowboy hat, lay his little Bible on the table, and preach his little heart out. It was always the same sermon, "Feed my sheep! Feed my sheep!". I can still see him, pounding on that little table and saying that over and over and over. My Granddaddy Trafford always said, "Blake is going to be our little preacher in the family". We had no idea at the time that Granddaddy's prediction was right on the mark.
Now that I've given the backdrop of our "little preacher boy", I'll share this Christmas memory. It was the Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four years old. His Sunday School teacher was Mrs. Scruggs, our pastor's wife. Blake absolutely adored Mrs. Scruggs, and she felt the same about him. She always had something to tell us after class, usually about a profound statement Blake had made regarding the lesson. He loved to talk about Jesus and sing about Jesus. When the pastor would ask if there were any prayer requests, most of the time Blake would throw his little hand in the air. The pastor would ask Blake what his prayer request was and Blake would share it. It was usually about a friend or family member who was sick. I remember once he asked that everyone pray for a neighbor who was "just sad". He loved praying for Granny Garrett. He called her "Annie". Once the pastor asked him what his prayer request was and Blake said, "Pweeze pway fah my Annie, cause I shuwy do wuv my Annie". That one brought tears to some eyes.
That Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four, Mrs. Scruggs walked over to me after church. She had to share with me another "Blake moment". I was prepared once again to have my chest swell with pride by another "Blake is so smart or Blake is such a joy or Blake touches my heart" story from his Sunday School teacher. Mrs. Scruggs began to relay to me that the class of four-to-six year olds were so excited about their Christmas presents, she decided to let each one of them tell what they'd received for Christmas so she could move on with her lesson. One by one, the kids told about their various Christmas goodies. She said that Blake sat there very patiently waiting his turn to share. (I'm thinking to myself that he probably wanted to share his new Bible he'd gotten and maybe preach a mini sermon to the rest of the class.) Mrs. Scruggs said it was Blake's turn.
Without saying a word, he stood up, turned around, unzipped and dropped his pants, and bent over. He patted his little behind and said, "I GOT SUPERMAN UNDEROOS!" Mrs. Scruggs said it happened before she realized what was happening. She could barely get the story told because she was laughing so hard. Thing is, the rest of the class thought his Superman Underoos were so cool and made comments about them. Blake wasn't intending to be funny. He simply wanted to show off his new underwear. After all, these were the first character underwear he'd ever had. He'd always had to wear the boring, plain white ones in the past. The only one in the class who thought it was hysterical was Mrs. Scruggs. The other kids thought Blake had gotten such an awesome Christmas present and were very seriously telling him so. Mrs. Scruggs said Blake pulled up his pants, sat back down, and was beaming with pride. She pulled herself together and the lesson continued.
So much for our "little preacher" showing off his new Bible that we thought he had been so proud of. Who knew that out of his Christmas presents that year, the Superman Underoos would take priority over his new "big boy Bible". As parents, that was not one of our proudest moments, but it's a memory we'll never forget (and one his Sunday School teacher and the other kids in the class probably won't forget either.)
This time of year stirs up memories about past holiday seasons. I can't help but reminisce about all those Thanksgiving feasts, getting together with family and eating until I thought I'd pop. Christmas memories are also always in the back of my mind. As Buddy and I talk about past celebrations, about those Christmases when our kids were little and how excited they always were when we finally gave them the okay to rip into their presents . . . we can never rehash those memories without both of us getting teary-eyed. He shares a memory with me and I share another one with him . . . . . silence and sniffles.
On our way to church yesterday, that's what Buddy and I were doing - remembering when our kids were little. We were laughing and crying at the same time. (We are both a couple of cry babies when it comes to our kids.) There are so many things I could write about when it comes to our kids when they were younger - and some day I plan to do that. But, on this day, one specific Christmas memory is stuck in my head and I feel the need to share that with anyone who decides to read this blog.
This Christmas memory is about our son, Blake. He was quite a little boy. There was never a dull moment with Blake around, ask anyone who knew him back then. He was a character, but he was also very sweet and kindhearted and always wanted to make people around him feel happy. When he was just a toddler, he would drag out a little table that his Pappa Martin had made, put on his cowboy boots and cowboy hat, lay his little Bible on the table, and preach his little heart out. It was always the same sermon, "Feed my sheep! Feed my sheep!". I can still see him, pounding on that little table and saying that over and over and over. My Granddaddy Trafford always said, "Blake is going to be our little preacher in the family". We had no idea at the time that Granddaddy's prediction was right on the mark.
Now that I've given the backdrop of our "little preacher boy", I'll share this Christmas memory. It was the Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four years old. His Sunday School teacher was Mrs. Scruggs, our pastor's wife. Blake absolutely adored Mrs. Scruggs, and she felt the same about him. She always had something to tell us after class, usually about a profound statement Blake had made regarding the lesson. He loved to talk about Jesus and sing about Jesus. When the pastor would ask if there were any prayer requests, most of the time Blake would throw his little hand in the air. The pastor would ask Blake what his prayer request was and Blake would share it. It was usually about a friend or family member who was sick. I remember once he asked that everyone pray for a neighbor who was "just sad". He loved praying for Granny Garrett. He called her "Annie". Once the pastor asked him what his prayer request was and Blake said, "Pweeze pway fah my Annie, cause I shuwy do wuv my Annie". That one brought tears to some eyes.
That Sunday after Christmas, Blake was four, Mrs. Scruggs walked over to me after church. She had to share with me another "Blake moment". I was prepared once again to have my chest swell with pride by another "Blake is so smart or Blake is such a joy or Blake touches my heart" story from his Sunday School teacher. Mrs. Scruggs began to relay to me that the class of four-to-six year olds were so excited about their Christmas presents, she decided to let each one of them tell what they'd received for Christmas so she could move on with her lesson. One by one, the kids told about their various Christmas goodies. She said that Blake sat there very patiently waiting his turn to share. (I'm thinking to myself that he probably wanted to share his new Bible he'd gotten and maybe preach a mini sermon to the rest of the class.) Mrs. Scruggs said it was Blake's turn.
Without saying a word, he stood up, turned around, unzipped and dropped his pants, and bent over. He patted his little behind and said, "I GOT SUPERMAN UNDEROOS!" Mrs. Scruggs said it happened before she realized what was happening. She could barely get the story told because she was laughing so hard. Thing is, the rest of the class thought his Superman Underoos were so cool and made comments about them. Blake wasn't intending to be funny. He simply wanted to show off his new underwear. After all, these were the first character underwear he'd ever had. He'd always had to wear the boring, plain white ones in the past. The only one in the class who thought it was hysterical was Mrs. Scruggs. The other kids thought Blake had gotten such an awesome Christmas present and were very seriously telling him so. Mrs. Scruggs said Blake pulled up his pants, sat back down, and was beaming with pride. She pulled herself together and the lesson continued.
So much for our "little preacher" showing off his new Bible that we thought he had been so proud of. Who knew that out of his Christmas presents that year, the Superman Underoos would take priority over his new "big boy Bible". As parents, that was not one of our proudest moments, but it's a memory we'll never forget (and one his Sunday School teacher and the other kids in the class probably won't forget either.)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Drinking From the King's Cup
Drinking From the King's Cup
Buddy and I visited a friend in the nursing home yesterday. We have been friends since we were just little tikes and he's a relative of Buddy's. He had a horrible four-wheeler accident a couple of months ago and was seriously injured. For several days, he wasn't expected to pull through. After weeks and weeks in the hospital and undergoing lung surgery, he is now at the nursing home in Morrilton for rehabilitation.
Just the week previously, Buddy had visited him at the hospital in Little Rock and he could still barely speak and was unable to walk. Much to our surprise when we walked into his room at the nursing home yesterday, the second he saw us he smiled really big and threw up his arm and said, "Hey, Buddy and Susan!" Buddy couldn't get over how much he'd improved in only a week. Ricky told us that he'd been taking a few steps with the aid of a walker and he is just overall doing so much better.
After visiting with Ricky for awhile, he began to share with us different experiences he has had since his tragic accident. I hadn't intended to write a blog about this until I just opened my devotional book and turned to today's entry. "Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again - ever!" (John 4:14) Oh my! After hearing Ricky's description of some events that have occurred over the past few weeks that have to be more than mere coincidences - and then seeing what my devotional scripture was for today - well, all I have to say is, "It's time to write again!" So, here we go . . . .
Ricky had both Buddy and me completely captivated! He was beaming while relating these happenings to us. The one I feel I have to share, because of today's verse, is about water. Ricky said he has been so thirsty for weeks. He also had been unable to speak for weeks and had problems even letting anyone know that he was so very thirsty. Shortly after he was moved to the nursing home last week, still unable to speak very well, fatiguing extremely easily, and unable to make his requests known very well, he said he was so thirsty he thought he was going to die. He told us that he didn't know a person could be so thirsty and he was desperate for a drink of cold water. He began to pray and tell God that he sure would appreciate it if He would send someone in his room with a cold drink of water. He said he watched the clock and in exactly fifteen minutes, an aide came into his room with a cup and said, "I thought you might want a drink of water". She helped Ricky drink from the cup and he was thinking to himself that this was the best water he'd ever had in his life. The aide left and Ricky started realizing that the few sips of water he'd just had didn't even begin to satisfy his extreme thirst and dry throat. So, he began to pray to God again, saying, "God, I sure don't want to bother you, but if you'd just let someone out there know that I need more water, I'd sure be grateful". He watched the clock. Exactly fifteen minutes after he'd prayed, the aide came into his room again and said, "I brought you more water, eight ounces". Ricky said he was absolutely thrilled and exuberantly gulped the cold water. The aide again left the room.
A few minutes passed. Ricky was STILL thirsty. He said, "Father, if I had about twice that much water, I think it would finally quench my thirst." In exactly fifteen minutes, in walked an aide carrying a large plastic cup. She said to Ricky, "I brought you more water, 16 ounces this time" (exactly twice the amount she'd brought before.) Ricky said he drank the water and his thirst was finally quenched.
I can't recount this like Ricky did. You'd really need to hear him talk about it. He was talking about "drinking from the King's cup", because he knew God had heard his request and sent the water to him. There are so many analogies that can be drawn from this from a spiritual viewpoint, but we'll leave that to Ricky. He's planning to write a book about his experiences and I wouldn't be surprised if it's entitled Drinking From the King's Cup. I'm so excited for him and am very much looking forward to reading it!
Ricky Chapman is truly inspirational! Buddy and I thought we'd visit him to "cheer him up" and "make him feel better". . . . . Just the opposite happened. We left the nursing home feeling so uplifted and hopeful because of Ricky's testimony - What a blessing!!!
Susan Trafford Martin
November 22, 2010
Buddy and I visited a friend in the nursing home yesterday. We have been friends since we were just little tikes and he's a relative of Buddy's. He had a horrible four-wheeler accident a couple of months ago and was seriously injured. For several days, he wasn't expected to pull through. After weeks and weeks in the hospital and undergoing lung surgery, he is now at the nursing home in Morrilton for rehabilitation.
Just the week previously, Buddy had visited him at the hospital in Little Rock and he could still barely speak and was unable to walk. Much to our surprise when we walked into his room at the nursing home yesterday, the second he saw us he smiled really big and threw up his arm and said, "Hey, Buddy and Susan!" Buddy couldn't get over how much he'd improved in only a week. Ricky told us that he'd been taking a few steps with the aid of a walker and he is just overall doing so much better.
After visiting with Ricky for awhile, he began to share with us different experiences he has had since his tragic accident. I hadn't intended to write a blog about this until I just opened my devotional book and turned to today's entry. "Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again - ever!" (John 4:14) Oh my! After hearing Ricky's description of some events that have occurred over the past few weeks that have to be more than mere coincidences - and then seeing what my devotional scripture was for today - well, all I have to say is, "It's time to write again!" So, here we go . . . .
Ricky had both Buddy and me completely captivated! He was beaming while relating these happenings to us. The one I feel I have to share, because of today's verse, is about water. Ricky said he has been so thirsty for weeks. He also had been unable to speak for weeks and had problems even letting anyone know that he was so very thirsty. Shortly after he was moved to the nursing home last week, still unable to speak very well, fatiguing extremely easily, and unable to make his requests known very well, he said he was so thirsty he thought he was going to die. He told us that he didn't know a person could be so thirsty and he was desperate for a drink of cold water. He began to pray and tell God that he sure would appreciate it if He would send someone in his room with a cold drink of water. He said he watched the clock and in exactly fifteen minutes, an aide came into his room with a cup and said, "I thought you might want a drink of water". She helped Ricky drink from the cup and he was thinking to himself that this was the best water he'd ever had in his life. The aide left and Ricky started realizing that the few sips of water he'd just had didn't even begin to satisfy his extreme thirst and dry throat. So, he began to pray to God again, saying, "God, I sure don't want to bother you, but if you'd just let someone out there know that I need more water, I'd sure be grateful". He watched the clock. Exactly fifteen minutes after he'd prayed, the aide came into his room again and said, "I brought you more water, eight ounces". Ricky said he was absolutely thrilled and exuberantly gulped the cold water. The aide again left the room.
A few minutes passed. Ricky was STILL thirsty. He said, "Father, if I had about twice that much water, I think it would finally quench my thirst." In exactly fifteen minutes, in walked an aide carrying a large plastic cup. She said to Ricky, "I brought you more water, 16 ounces this time" (exactly twice the amount she'd brought before.) Ricky said he drank the water and his thirst was finally quenched.
I can't recount this like Ricky did. You'd really need to hear him talk about it. He was talking about "drinking from the King's cup", because he knew God had heard his request and sent the water to him. There are so many analogies that can be drawn from this from a spiritual viewpoint, but we'll leave that to Ricky. He's planning to write a book about his experiences and I wouldn't be surprised if it's entitled Drinking From the King's Cup. I'm so excited for him and am very much looking forward to reading it!
Ricky Chapman is truly inspirational! Buddy and I thought we'd visit him to "cheer him up" and "make him feel better". . . . . Just the opposite happened. We left the nursing home feeling so uplifted and hopeful because of Ricky's testimony - What a blessing!!!
Susan Trafford Martin
November 22, 2010
What Faith Looks Like
What Faith Looks Like
I've had the privilege of being in the company of so many faithful Christians over the past 51 years. I have so many family members who have set such a Godly example. I've had many friends over the years who have been devoted to living for Jesus. Today I want to share one of the biggest blessings that has ever been bestowed on me, a friendship I've had for over 20 years.
The year my son started kindergarten at Vilonia Elementary School, I also started working there as an aide. At a meeting a couple of days before school started, I sat across the table from a teacher who had also just been hired. We began talking and soon learned we had a lot in common. Our friendship was pretty much immediate and it wasn't long before we were spending time together outside of school. She was my oldest daughter's sixth grade English teacher and, of course, Kristi loved her. The rest of my family would soon also grow to love her and she became like a member of our family very quickly.
One of our favorite things to do over the past 20+ years is to meet at Cracker Barrel for breakfast on Saturday morning from time to time. Our "breakfasts" have never been less than four hours long. After feasting on pancakes and bacon, we always end up sitting in the rocking chairs on the porch of Cracker Barrel and talking for hours. She's a special person. I love her. My mother always told me if a person has two people in their lifetime who prove themselves to be true friends, that person is very blessed. I have been greatly blessed. A person couldn't have a more true, caring, trustworthy friend on this earth.
A little over a year ago, my friend had some medical tests done. She called me late one evening, on a Wednesday, and said, "It's cancer". I felt my heart drop and there was a lump in my throat so huge I could hardly get a word out. I can't even recall the details of that conversation now, but we talked for awhile. I told her I would come over, but she assured me that she was fine and that she really just needed some time alone to process this information she'd just gotten that afternoon. She said, "Just pray, just pray".
This wasn't her first experience at being slapped in the face by bad news. She'd had many letdowns and heartbreaks in years past. Still, she leaned on Jesus and never harbored bitterness or self pity.
Many tests later, she was scheduled for surgery. Just before Thanksgiving, she had extensive surgery and the news wasn't good. Just like before, through the bad reports after tests and less-than-optimistic discussions with various doctors, she never lost faith. She was very concerned and anxious about what she would be facing from a medical aspect, she admitted that. But, she never lost faith. After one of the visits with her oncologist before the surgery, after being given the "I don't want to give you false hope" lecture from the doctor, we were on our way back to Conway. My heart was so heavy for my dear friend. Tears were welling up in her eyes and began to overflow onto her cheeks, as she expressed her deepest thoughts and feelings. I'll never forget what she said to me. Tears were streaming, but she still had that sweet, peaceful smile on her face, as she said, "I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know this: God will heal me one way or the other. He will either heal my physical body or He'll give me a new body when He takes me to Heaven". She added, "No matter what happens, it's going to be okay". I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly as I heard her very calmly and very assuredly express her complete and unflinching confidence in her Lord and Savior. I began thanking the Lord for this dear friend whose bad diagnosis would become such an inspirational testimony to so many people.
Just a few short months ago, after going through several months of chemotherapy and very close observation by her oncologist, she was told that she appeared to be another miracle. Her last tests were completely clear and she appeared to be cancer free. We were all rejoicing and celebrating!
Last night I returned home and had a message on my machine. It was my friend. She was her usual sweet self and said she "just wanted to talk to me". But, there was something in her voice that wasn't quite right. I tried returning her call a few times, but I received no answer. I left voice mails. This morning I looked for her at church, but couldn't find her. I was concerned because she was always at church. After I'd taken my seat at my usual spot, I turned around and saw my sweet friend walking toward me. We'd somehow missed each other and she'd come to find me. Before she even reached me, I felt something wasn't right. She had that same sweet smile, but a different look in her eyes. We hugged and I complimented her new hairstyle. This was the first time she hadn't worn a wig in almost a year. Her hair had grown enough to be cut and styled into a very cute cut. I was telling her how nice it looked on her and she grabbed me and hugged me again, very tightly. As we embraced, she began telling me why she'd wanted to talk to me the evening before and why I'd picked up a different tone in her voice mail. "The followup tests weren't good. The cancer markers are very high. There's something hiding inside me and they have to try to find where it is". Oh no, not again. We really thought this was fixed once and for all. She'd been doing so well. I looked at her and saw huge tears welling up in her eyes. But still, that sweet smile. I couldn't hide my concern and my shock, but her smile reassured me. "It's going to be okay, no matter what".
My sweet friend, one of the dearest friends I've ever had in my life. I'm sad today, but I'm trying to have faith. I'm hoping some of her faith will rub off on me. What a testimony! What an example of genuine faith! I've witnessed her close fellowship with Jesus Christ for over 20 years, day in and day out, through good and bad. I've observed her ongoing trust in her Lord and Savior no matter what life throws her way. I don't know why God blessed me with her friendship all these years, but I'll forever be so very thankful He has. To be able to call Beverly McGuire a close friend is quite an honor and a privilege. I've learned so much from her about faith and forgiveness and Christ-like love.
We don't know what the next few months hold in store for this beautiful, petite, soft-spoken, strong warrior who wears the Armor of God like a glove, but I'm hanging onto the fact that "it'll all be okay, no matter what". This is what faith looks like.
Susan Trafford Martin
November 21, 2010
I've had the privilege of being in the company of so many faithful Christians over the past 51 years. I have so many family members who have set such a Godly example. I've had many friends over the years who have been devoted to living for Jesus. Today I want to share one of the biggest blessings that has ever been bestowed on me, a friendship I've had for over 20 years.
The year my son started kindergarten at Vilonia Elementary School, I also started working there as an aide. At a meeting a couple of days before school started, I sat across the table from a teacher who had also just been hired. We began talking and soon learned we had a lot in common. Our friendship was pretty much immediate and it wasn't long before we were spending time together outside of school. She was my oldest daughter's sixth grade English teacher and, of course, Kristi loved her. The rest of my family would soon also grow to love her and she became like a member of our family very quickly.
One of our favorite things to do over the past 20+ years is to meet at Cracker Barrel for breakfast on Saturday morning from time to time. Our "breakfasts" have never been less than four hours long. After feasting on pancakes and bacon, we always end up sitting in the rocking chairs on the porch of Cracker Barrel and talking for hours. She's a special person. I love her. My mother always told me if a person has two people in their lifetime who prove themselves to be true friends, that person is very blessed. I have been greatly blessed. A person couldn't have a more true, caring, trustworthy friend on this earth.
A little over a year ago, my friend had some medical tests done. She called me late one evening, on a Wednesday, and said, "It's cancer". I felt my heart drop and there was a lump in my throat so huge I could hardly get a word out. I can't even recall the details of that conversation now, but we talked for awhile. I told her I would come over, but she assured me that she was fine and that she really just needed some time alone to process this information she'd just gotten that afternoon. She said, "Just pray, just pray".
This wasn't her first experience at being slapped in the face by bad news. She'd had many letdowns and heartbreaks in years past. Still, she leaned on Jesus and never harbored bitterness or self pity.
Many tests later, she was scheduled for surgery. Just before Thanksgiving, she had extensive surgery and the news wasn't good. Just like before, through the bad reports after tests and less-than-optimistic discussions with various doctors, she never lost faith. She was very concerned and anxious about what she would be facing from a medical aspect, she admitted that. But, she never lost faith. After one of the visits with her oncologist before the surgery, after being given the "I don't want to give you false hope" lecture from the doctor, we were on our way back to Conway. My heart was so heavy for my dear friend. Tears were welling up in her eyes and began to overflow onto her cheeks, as she expressed her deepest thoughts and feelings. I'll never forget what she said to me. Tears were streaming, but she still had that sweet, peaceful smile on her face, as she said, "I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know this: God will heal me one way or the other. He will either heal my physical body or He'll give me a new body when He takes me to Heaven". She added, "No matter what happens, it's going to be okay". I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly as I heard her very calmly and very assuredly express her complete and unflinching confidence in her Lord and Savior. I began thanking the Lord for this dear friend whose bad diagnosis would become such an inspirational testimony to so many people.
Just a few short months ago, after going through several months of chemotherapy and very close observation by her oncologist, she was told that she appeared to be another miracle. Her last tests were completely clear and she appeared to be cancer free. We were all rejoicing and celebrating!
Last night I returned home and had a message on my machine. It was my friend. She was her usual sweet self and said she "just wanted to talk to me". But, there was something in her voice that wasn't quite right. I tried returning her call a few times, but I received no answer. I left voice mails. This morning I looked for her at church, but couldn't find her. I was concerned because she was always at church. After I'd taken my seat at my usual spot, I turned around and saw my sweet friend walking toward me. We'd somehow missed each other and she'd come to find me. Before she even reached me, I felt something wasn't right. She had that same sweet smile, but a different look in her eyes. We hugged and I complimented her new hairstyle. This was the first time she hadn't worn a wig in almost a year. Her hair had grown enough to be cut and styled into a very cute cut. I was telling her how nice it looked on her and she grabbed me and hugged me again, very tightly. As we embraced, she began telling me why she'd wanted to talk to me the evening before and why I'd picked up a different tone in her voice mail. "The followup tests weren't good. The cancer markers are very high. There's something hiding inside me and they have to try to find where it is". Oh no, not again. We really thought this was fixed once and for all. She'd been doing so well. I looked at her and saw huge tears welling up in her eyes. But still, that sweet smile. I couldn't hide my concern and my shock, but her smile reassured me. "It's going to be okay, no matter what".
My sweet friend, one of the dearest friends I've ever had in my life. I'm sad today, but I'm trying to have faith. I'm hoping some of her faith will rub off on me. What a testimony! What an example of genuine faith! I've witnessed her close fellowship with Jesus Christ for over 20 years, day in and day out, through good and bad. I've observed her ongoing trust in her Lord and Savior no matter what life throws her way. I don't know why God blessed me with her friendship all these years, but I'll forever be so very thankful He has. To be able to call Beverly McGuire a close friend is quite an honor and a privilege. I've learned so much from her about faith and forgiveness and Christ-like love.
We don't know what the next few months hold in store for this beautiful, petite, soft-spoken, strong warrior who wears the Armor of God like a glove, but I'm hanging onto the fact that "it'll all be okay, no matter what". This is what faith looks like.
Susan Trafford Martin
November 21, 2010
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